Today I want to talk about INTJs. These independent thinkers are often intriguing and challenging with their original ideas, insights, and strategic ways of making decisions. I have an INTJ sister-in-law who I LOVE talking to on the phone. I can always count on her to be straightforward, honest, but also open-minded and full of ideas.
For this post, I researched INTJ pet peeves in forums, talked to some helpful INTJs, and scanned through some of my favorite personality books to come up with this list of what to avoid doing if you don’t want to get on an INTJ’s nerves.
1 – Interrupt Them
INTJs rely on their dominant Introverted Intuition (Ni) to connect the dots of life and form insights into their goals, dreams, or theories. Ni requires a great deal of personal space and energy to harness effectively, and when INTJs are thinking or needing time alone to use Ni, an interruption is incredibly frustrating. Make sure they have plenty of space and time alone to use their dominant function and form thoughts and ideas.
2 – Surprise Them
INTJs like to have a plan. They use Extraverted Thinking (Te) to form efficient, strategic plans that ensure their goals are accomplished. Having a plan and following a certain order helps the INTJ to be comfortable and relaxed. Surprises and spontaneity are NOT comfortable for INTJs. A surprise party can be a nightmare for an INTJ, who may have already had a plan for the night involved. This doesn’t mean that an INTJ will never enjoy a surprise gift or friendly phone call – but if you can plan it ahead, it’s almost always better.
3 – Engage in Small Talk
INTJs like to get to the point. They don’t enjoy beating around the bush, and they could care less about the weather (unless they have an interest in meteorology or the weather on a personal level). Idle chit chat, gossip, or mundane details are like torture for an INTJ who wants to talk about something life-changing, extraordinary, original, or relevant to their lives.
4 – Emotionally Manipulate Them
INTJs have a strong distaste for anything that’s not authentic. INTJs rely on tertiary Fi (Introverted Feeling) to determine whether something is authentic or aligns with their values. They have no patience for cloying, manipulative remarks or emotional strategies meant to evoke a reaction. Telemarketers, salespeople, or day-to-day manipulations that can occur in relationships are not only irritating but can cause the INTJ to lose complete respect for the person engaging in the manipulative behavior.
5 – Interfere with Their Alone Time
This point goes hand-in-hand with the first point about interruptions, but sometimes it’s not just about interrupting – sometimes taking a step back from your INTJ friend can be a good thing. Don’t over plan their time or demand responsiveness on a constant basis by over-texting or overstimulating them so they can’t retreat into their own mind. INTJs need alone time every day, sometimes for great lengths of time. While all people (especially introverts) need alone time, INTJs and INFJs who rely on Ni (Introverted Intuition) tend to be especially needful of that time alone because Ni is really only able to be fully utilized in a place that is free of distractions and interruptions.
What do you think?
Let me know your thoughts or experiences in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer, and The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
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