10 Things You Should Never Say to an INTJ
Ever wondered how to communicate effectively with an INTJ? We all want to have better communication with the people we care about, right? Sometimes statements that seem harmless to us can really get on other people’s nerves. When it comes to conversation there are certain phrases that really bother some types more than others. I’ve spoken with over three hundred INTJs to determine which phrases bother them the most, and after tallying up their responses I came up with 10 statements that will almost always get a negative result. Let’s take a look!
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10 Things You Should Never Say to an INTJ
#1 – “You Don’t Know What You’re Talking About”
If an INTJ has taken the time to make a statement, chances are they’ve thought it through pretty carefully first. As dominant introverted intuitives, they tend to process and analyze things thoroughly before speaking up. It’s better to ask for clarification if you’re confused, or agree to disagree, instead of accusing them that they just “don’t know” what they’re saying.
#2 – “You Think Too Much”
INTJs are very thought-intensive people. Analyzing recharges them and allows them to get some of their great innovative ideas. Telling them to stop doing that would be tantamount to telling an artist “You draw too much!”
#3 – “You Need to Lighten Up!”
INTJs tend to be on the serious side, but that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Isaac Newton and Nikola Tesla were INTJs, and I doubt anyone gave them a hard time for being serious (or maybe they did, who knows). I’ve known plenty of INTJs with a sense of humor, but nobody appreciates being forced into phony cheerfulness, especially not INTJs.
#4 – “You Can’t Do That”
Being stuck, limited, or controlled in any way is extremely frustrating for an INTJ. If you tell them they can’t do something chances are they will try to prove you just how much they can do that exact thing.
#5 – “You Should Smile More”
Authenticity is a big deal to INTJs. Don’t expect a smile unless they actually feel like it’s genuine and honest. Smiling and engaging in social pleasantries “just because” isn’t in their nature.
#6 – “Because This is How It’s Always Been Done”
INTJs are pioneers of new methods and generally shun traditional practices or rules. To the INTJ, just because something has always been done one way doesn’t mean that’s the best way. INTJs aim to perfect existing systems or else create new systems altogether.
#7 – “You Need to Go Out More”
INTJs are extremely independent and rely on alone time and peace and quiet to access their intuitive insights and thoughts. They need a lot of alone time to feel fulfilled and de-stressed, so try not to pressure them into too many social engagements if they’re not interested.
#8 – “I Just Decided to Pop Over!”
If there’s one thing that will instantly make an INTJ’s hair stand on end, it’s telling them you’re going to make a “surprise” visit! If you want to drop by unexpectedly you’ll need a good reason, and you’ll still want to text and ask permission first. INTJs like their social engagements planned out ahead of time and spontaneous interruptions are a major stressor for them.
#9 – “Here, Let Me Show You How It’s Done”
If you’re feeling especially confident and patronizing, it’s better not to show it to an INTJ. Give them a chance to do things their way before you step in and try to take control.
#10 – “That’ll Never Happen”
INTJs are known for their sudden, uncanny insights into how things will play out. They are master strategists and very good at anticipating future events. Think long and hard before calling out one of their predictions! You may find your words coming back to haunt you later.
What Are Your Thoughts?
Do these statements bother you? Are there any others you would add? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer, and The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
Other Articles You Might Enjoy:
When INTJs Loop – Understanding the Ni-Fi Loop
Are You An INTJ or an ISTJ? Clarifying a Common Mistype
How to Communicate Effectively with Any Myers-Briggs® Personality Type
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Every single one of these statements are worthy of an ass-kicking event!
11) that is a ridiculous/stupid idea
12) you are a liar
I will just leave you alone after most of these
(13) you need to calm down
Friends keep telling me that
Agreed. I get this one a lot too. Really annoying.
Agreed, with a couple modifications.
I don’t mind “let me show you how it’s done”- I welcome help and ideas from people who have pride in their work. It’s not a personal attack.
Now for a few big no-no’s. Do not micromanage me. I might micromanage you if you’re incompetent or lazy, but only if deserved.
Also, telling me what I can’t do might make me prove you wrong, but don’t ever say what I must do. We all must pay taxes and die someday. Tell me what will go wrong if I don’t do certain things, and the battle is on.
I choose my battles, and don’t play if I can’t win.
Don’t bother me with every little thing. Don’t make me explain in detail what you dont want to do. And if my answers to your questions are quick and brief, I’m not being flip or blowing you off.
You can reassure me with logic, but it better be will thought out
Finally, i certainly don’t need to be nice to you if you are deliberately working against me. We can differ, but if I see a hidden agenda in progress, look out. I will then expose you for what you are, so you can’t cheat others. Or worse, set you up to do it all by yourself.
You’re right but there are some other things too I know because I’m an INTJ
#1 is definitely my biggest pet peeve, which closely relates to the “you’re a liar” comment mentioned earlier.
OMG!! You have no idea how often I’ve had to wait six months to a year (or more) for the everyone else to catch up to me when I tell them that what they’re attempting won’t work. UGH!!
#10 – “That’ll Never Happen”
INTJs are known for their sudden, uncanny insights into how things will play out. They are master strategists and very good at anticipating future events. Think long and hard before calling out one of their predictions! You may find your words coming back to haunt you later.
I couldn’t stop laughing when I read this. All of these points are so true, and I get so riled up whenever someone tells me this! LOL! Another one that really pisses me off is when someone says “That’s impossible!” – which is very similar to “You can’t do that!”
I totally agree. One I really hate “It’s always been done this way”. LOL
This is just too real to believe I’m not being spied on, LOL…
The one I hate the most is “you can’t do that” next to “you need to smile more”. I hate when someone second guesses me, and also I smile when it’s necessary so buzz off????
“Who do you think you are?”
I have been told “words are cheap” after carefully laying out all the reasons why a project will fail 6 months from now.
As a female INTJ studying UX design, I feel like I’m in my element putting together the dots of human behaviour. I was recently grouped with 2 people who did said/did all of the above pet peeve staetments – specifically to try to undermine me. E.g. You overanalyze things, you dont know how to do this let me do it for you, you need to exercise more active listening, etc…. the last straw was them snickering and telling me I did something incorrectly to which I dryly responded, I dont care, you all know what I meant, I’m over this. *insert intense glare and awkward silence from them*. Obviously they are juvenile adults acting very passive aggressive with no provocation. My usual response would be to shut them down, however I couldn’t do so given that the instructors view interpersonal feedback as being important. Thus, my fellow intjs, apologies for the long winded explanation, how do you deal with this?
Female INTJ SysAdmin here.
I mean, there are just some people who are always going to perceive a contrary opinion as an attack.
It’s like training a cat–you have to spin it until they stop perceiving it as a contrary idea. Since this can be a tedious, multi-week process, this sometimes results in them forgetting where your idea came from and claiming it as your own. But what’s worse–you not getting credit, or you having to take credit for a shit product?
I think we INTJs all know *that* answer. LOL.
Number six nearly made me fall out of my chair. If anyone said that to me, i’d verbally vaporize them.