10 Things You Should Never Say to an INTJ
Ever wondered how to communicate effectively with an INTJ? We all want to have better communication with the people we care about, right? Sometimes statements that seem harmless to us can really get on other people’s nerves. When it comes to conversation there are certain phrases that really bother some types more than others. I’ve spoken with over three hundred INTJs to determine which phrases bother them the most, and after tallying up their responses I came up with 10 statements that will almost always get a negative result. Let’s take a look!
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10 Things You Should Never Say to an INTJ
#1 – “You Don’t Know What You’re Talking About”
If an INTJ has taken the time to make a statement, chances are they’ve thought it through pretty carefully first. As dominant introverted intuitives, they tend to process and analyze things thoroughly before speaking up. It’s better to ask for clarification if you’re confused, or agree to disagree, instead of accusing them that they just “don’t know” what they’re saying.
#2 – “You Think Too Much”
INTJs are very thought-intensive people. Analyzing recharges them and allows them to get some of their great innovative ideas. Telling them to stop doing that would be tantamount to telling an artist “You draw too much!”
#3 – “You Need to Lighten Up!”
INTJs tend to be on the serious side, but that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Isaac Newton and Nikola Tesla were INTJs, and I doubt anyone gave them a hard time for being serious (or maybe they did, who knows). I’ve known plenty of INTJs with a sense of humor, but nobody appreciates being forced into phony cheerfulness, especially not INTJs.
#4 – “You Can’t Do That”
Being stuck, limited, or controlled in any way is extremely frustrating for an INTJ. If you tell them they can’t do something chances are they will try to prove you just how much they can do that exact thing.
#5 – “You Should Smile More”
Authenticity is a big deal to INTJs. Don’t expect a smile unless they actually feel like it’s genuine and honest. Smiling and engaging in social pleasantries “just because” isn’t in their nature.
#6 – “Because This is How It’s Always Been Done”
INTJs are pioneers of new methods and generally shun traditional practices or rules. To the INTJ, just because something has always been done one way doesn’t mean that’s the best way. INTJs aim to perfect existing systems or else create new systems altogether.
#7 – “You Need to Go Out More”
INTJs are extremely independent and rely on alone time and peace and quiet to access their intuitive insights and thoughts. They need a lot of alone time to feel fulfilled and de-stressed, so try not to pressure them into too many social engagements if they’re not interested.
#8 – “I Just Decided to Pop Over!”
If there’s one thing that will instantly make an INTJ’s hair stand on end, it’s telling them you’re going to make a “surprise” visit! If you want to drop by unexpectedly you’ll need a good reason, and you’ll still want to text and ask permission first. INTJs like their social engagements planned out ahead of time and spontaneous interruptions are a major stressor for them.
#9 – “Here, Let Me Show You How It’s Done”
If you’re feeling especially confident and patronizing, it’s better not to show it to an INTJ. Give them a chance to do things their way before you step in and try to take control.
#10 – “That’ll Never Happen”
INTJs are known for their sudden, uncanny insights into how things will play out. They are master strategists and very good at anticipating future events. Think long and hard before calling out one of their predictions! You may find your words coming back to haunt you later.
What Are Your Thoughts?
Do these statements bother you? Are there any others you would add? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer, and The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
Other Articles You Might Enjoy:
When INTJs Loop – Understanding the Ni-Fi Loop
Are You An INTJ or an ISTJ? Clarifying a Common Mistype
How to Communicate Effectively with Any Myers-Briggs® Personality Type
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#1 told to me is
“Why do you always look serious/pissed off/angry”?
“Are you angry?”
Generally thats how I am. Thats how I look. 99% of the time I am just lost in my own thoughts. I am deeply thinking/planning.
My thinking face is often misunderstood as an angry/resisting bitch face .
So many stay away from me which in turn accomplishes my goal of staying away from people anyways 🙂
#9. I am a certified heavy equipment instructor and was mentoring a basically accomplished female student. She had great potential, and has become a very efficient excavator operator since my instructions. I will at times, get in the seat of the equipment to demonstrate, if the student is not quite sure. I actually said, verbatim, #9. She didnt get the least bit upset and was actually grateful for the opportunity to step aside and observe an operational technic.
I am a 12 year old INTJ female. I really hate it when people say I do something too much (like read). That’s probably why I don’t have any real friends, only phony ones who say they are my friend but then go hang out with somebody else. I actually used to think I was a little bit crazy, the Meyer Briggs Personality test has been extremely eye-opening to me.
Way to go! Used to be the same way with me.Then I got to university and met more INTJs and other types with simply high IQ. That’s where I made real friends
Well ! That’s why they call us jerks
The thing is I am an INTJ but I share some characteristics with INFJ . I can be serious most of the time but that doesn’t mean I don’t like to have fun. This is why the you should smile more doesn’t bother me.
Another one is: “Because I say so.” Oh Lord, does it piss me off. And then I ask why, and then I get patronised (don’t say I didn’t put ‘z’, it’s a Brit thing).
One time in P.E., we were practicing basketball serves and my teacher came up to watch me. I was analyzing myself to see if my stance was correct and he said this to me even after I had successfully made a shot; “You’re thinking too much. Just shoot it!” And guess what? I didn’t make the next shot. To others this might seem a bit defensive and I suppose it is if you look at it one way, but to me it is simply proving a point and my fellow INTJs will agree with me. This is pretty accurate; just thinking about these situations gets me annoyed! Not to make this comment any longer than it already is, but a quick thank you to non-INTJs who are reading this and who are trying to understand how to successfully gain the mild respect of an INTJ by carefully speaking.