The INFJ

“I have striven not to laugh at human actions, not to weep at them, nor to hate them, but to understand them.”
– Baruch Spinoza, an INFJ

INFJs are one of the rarest personality types, making up only 1% of the population. These deep, insightful personalities combine perception, intellect, and empathy to “read” people in a way that is almost uncanny. They seem to intuitively understand people and situations and how events will unfold. With this intuition, they are constantly looking ahead to determine what will happen in the future. They also have a gift for understanding people and identifying their underlying needs and emotions. They care deeply about the human race and want to help people by listening, counseling, and emotionally supporting them. They crave emotional intimacy but also plenty of alone time to delve into their intuition. If you look at many of our great philosophers and authors, you will find a plethora of INFJs; people like Dante Alighieri, Carl Jung, Agatha Christie, and even J.K. Rowling!

INFJs in Childhood

In childhood, INFJs are fascinated by the unknown and the existential. They often seem more serious than other children their age, but they can quickly brighten up when they are in the company of a close friend or family member. They enjoy deep, loyal relationships and usually only want one or two friends rather than a large group. During childhood their intuition is developing rapidly. They seem to get inexplicable senses of knowing without even understanding why. For example, they might suddenly sense that someone they love is in pain, and feel a need to check on them even though there are no outer signs that anything is wrong. As they get older they learn to refine their intuition and learn what to trust.

You can find out more about the INFJ childhood below:

7 Things That INFJs Experience As Children

The Childhood Struggles of INFJs

INFJ Strengths

INFJs have a unique ability to empathize with other individuals. They can shift perspectives between many other people and instantly imagine what it must be like to be in their shoes. Because of this, they are often excellent peacemakers and counselors. It bothers them deeply when other people make snap judgments about people without making an effort to understand their situation or perspective. INFJs often believe that with enough insight, almost anyone can be understood and empathized with. Even their enemies.

Even with their gift for empathy and understanding, many INFJs feel isolated. As a rare and often misunderstood type, they often feel like it’s difficult to find like-minded friends. You can find out more about this below:

4 Reasons You Might Be Lonely as an INFJ

To the INFJ Who Is Struggling to Find Friends

INFJs have a unique ability to forecast how situations and events will play out. They tend to think forward and envision future scenarios with relative ease. Their goal is to find out where the “last domino will fall.” Seeing the ripple effects of situations tends to come naturally to them, so over time people learn to trust them for their hunches rather than dismiss them. They often just know when someone has ulterior motives or they may be able to instantly see the way a relationship could play out in both positive and negative ways many years down the road.

A Look Inside the INFJ Mind

INFJs in Relationships

INFJs take their romantic relationships very seriously for the most part. Many INFJs are actually quite happy being single and don’t feel a particular compulsion to settle down or “find” romance. They would much rather be alone than with someone who isn’t ideal, and so they don’t mind taking their time to find a partner who has depth, sincerity, and they can actually see a future with. As introverts, INFJs find a great deal of happiness in their alone time and can actually feel overwhelmed when entering a relationship as they find themselves constantly thinking of the needs of the other person and having less of that quiet, tranquil time to themselves.

The idealism of the INFJ is both a blessing and a curse in romantic relationships. On the one hand, they are careful and cautious when entering new relationships. On the other hand, they can be overly perfectionistic and feel disappointed when their partners inevitably fail to live up to their ideals.

“When in love, the INFJ will try to be as authentic and emotionally vulnerable as possible, which is no small feat since they are fiercely protective of their inner selves and tend to be private. It may scare them to confess their love, to write a poem, or to share a song that describes how they feel. But giving someone these long-locked pieces of their hearts is one of the most generous ways that they can show true affection.”
– The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic

When INFJs are committed to someone, they are extremely loyal and giving. They are willing to put their own needs on the backburner on many occasions to take care of the needs of their loved ones. They are warm, empathetic, nurturing, and generous. They want their partners to feel their unconditional love and sometimes they may go too far; giving too much of themselves and losing themselves in the needs of their partner. It’s important for INFJs to give themselves space, to consider their own needs, and to get regular alone time so they can remember their goals, values, and personal desires.

More than anything, INFJs want a relationship with depth. They aren’t interested in shallow flings or small talk and movies, they want a near-spiritual connection with their partner. They want to understand them in the deepest possible way, both the good side and the dark side. The more honest and sincere their partner is with them, the happier the INFJ will be. However, if their partner keeps them at arm’s length or tries to hide things from them they will quickly pick up on it and tire of the relationship.

You can find out more about how compatible INFJs are with other personality types below:

INFJs and Their Romantic Compatibility with Every Personality Type

10 Things INFJs Look for in a Relationship

INFJs and Careers:

INFJs naturally pick up on the emotions and struggles of other people. They deeply desire to improve their lives in a therapeutic way, listening to their stories, and finding creative solutions for their anxieties and concerns. Their insight into human nature and their unique ability to see underlying implications and meanings make them cognizant of many internalized battles that people aren’t even aware of themselves. With the proper training, they can be exceptionally gifted as counselors, psychologists, religious workers, or even artists. In fact, according to the MBTI® Manual INFJs are over-represented as counselors and psychiatrists.

Other Ideal Career Fields: Market Research Analyst, Writer, Social Worker, College Professor, Filmmaker, Mediator, Holistic Health Practitioner, Special Education Teacher, Educational Consultant.

The Healthy vs. Unhealthy INFJ:

Unhealthy INFJs tend to play ego-defensive survival games when they feel threatened, insecure or forced to conform. During these phases, they tend to shut out emotions and become almost robotic in their actions and decisions. They will appear perfectionistic and impatient, hoping that they can prove themselves by realizing their vision or idea. They often misinterpret other people and assume that they dislike them or even hate them. They will appear unusually judgmental and self-righteous and may convince themselves that they are misfits that nobody could possibly understand. They will feel torn between caring what other people think of them and trying to sever any dependence on others.

You can find out more about the unhealthy INFJ below:

10 Signs of an Unhealthy INFJ

Healthy INFJs are comfortable with the fact that not everyone will like them or see things in the same way that they do. They can enjoy activities that are purely leisurely without feeling like they must put every minute of their time towards their vision. They enjoy learning from a variety of people who are far different from themselves, and this allows them to be more open-minded and accepting. They are slow to label others as superficial or shallow, realizing that they may not have the whole picture. Their thinking and sensing sides are more mature when they are healthy, and this allows them to be more objective in decisions and more aware of their physical needs and the details of their environment.