5 Ways to Annoy an ESFJ

5 Ways to Annoy an ESFJ

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ESFJs are some of the warmest, most nurturing of all the personality types. They are called The Caregivers by many typologists, and it’s not hard to see why. ESFJs strive for kindness in all their interactions and love to create harmony and structure in their outer worlds. They are practical and organized, with a great desire to improve their community and lend a helping hand to others. They are loyal, sociable, and supportive. Some famous ESFJs include Pope Francis, Colin Powell, Anne Hathaway, and Hugh Jackman.

Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTI® here.

But what annoys these friendly outgoing types? I was determined to find out! I checked out my Myers-Briggs® library and interacted on forums and groups to find out what really bothers ESFJs. Here are the most common complaints:


ESFJs are organized and structured and believe in following through on their word. If they say they’re going to be somewhere at a certain time, you can count on them! This is one of the ways that they show respect and care for their friends. When other people fail to do this, it’s as if they’re implying that the relationship isn’t of real value, and it can offend and frustrate the ESFJ.

Lack of Follow-Through

interrupted plans
This point goes hand-in-hand with lateness in many ways. ESFJs say what they mean and mean what they say. If they make a promise to do something or commit in any way to a project, they will be there unless calamity strikes. They take their commitments seriously and it’s one of the many ways they show loyalty to their friends and relations. People who are wishy-washy, don’t show up when they say they will, or cancel plans at the last minute seem uncaring and disrespectful to the ESFJ.


Cleanliness and organization are hallmarks of the ESFJ personality type. They like to keep things tidy, and being in a haphazard, messy atmosphere stresses them out. They may not get angry about it, but it will make them feel uneasy. They believe that there’s a place for everything and everything should be in its place.


People who make statements or jokes with the sole intent of getting a reaction, angry or otherwise, can infuriate the ESFJ. To the ESFJ this kind of verbal manipulation is just another form of bullying and something that irritates them and conflicts with their belief in showing kindness and respect to others.

Being Taken Advantage Of

ESFJs are kind-hearted people who enjoy helping others in practical, meaningful ways. They are some of the most generous friends you can have, but some people find ways to take advantage of their giving nature. ESFJs want to be shown some kind of appreciation for the many things they do to help others, and not just asked to do more and more without acknowledgment. Being taken advantage of and used by people because of their generosity not only annoys the ESFJ but can make them feel depressed and disillusioned.

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What Do You Think?

Do you have any other pet peeves? What do you think would be on your top 5 list? Let me know in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!

Check out some more articles below!

Are ENFJs and ESFJs “Fake”?

Discover Your Superpower – Based On Your Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

Guardian (SJ) Personality Types

5 Ways to Annoy an ESFJ

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    1. They may refuse because they enjoy the attention and they know we will give many suggestions to help them

  1. Loud noise irritates me, although I’m told that I’m loud! I get annoyed when people tell me what I should think or feel. Injustice really gets me going, I can feel depressed, feel as if I’m the only one feeling that way. Also have trouble in constructing thoughts quickly at times, especially when under pressure and stress. Also under stress hate being made to make a decision, as I’m always trying to consider others and how they are, what their feelings are.

  2. I tend to ‘go the extra mile’ with others.

    I hate being let down, or ‘taken for a ride’.

    For instance I recently practically helped my young next door neighbour to remove a huge amount of rubbish from her garden, along with removal of mine. The cost was shared (helpful to us both, & a lot cheaper for her!), & payment by her of only £15 was agreed for the work. She said she would reimburse me by the end of the week.
    Well… she didn’t! Despite 2 reminders, It was weeks before she eventually did.
    Whilst waiting, I went through inner agonies, imagining the worst scenarios…. e.g. that she had no intention of paying; that she would pretend that she had paid; that she would think she can keep on delaying & as a result i would forget about it, or that I would eventually say ‘oh, forget about it, it’s only £15.
    In the event she did pay the amount without trouble.
    My anxiety whilst waiting for her to pay up was I think out of all proportion to the actual situation!!
    I am glad it was resolved amicably & successfully in the end.

  3. people who are rude and thoughtless and dont think about how it affects others both people they know and strangers

  4. For me as an ESFJ happy family life is the most important thing. If anyone upsets my husband or children I am OUTRAGED! If anyone let’s me down I feel rejected. I commit to people 100 percent. When they don’t come through for me it destroys me. I can forgive eventually, but I will take a long time to trust again.

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