5 Ways to Annoy an ESFJ

5 Ways to Annoy an ESFJ

ESFJs are some of the warmest, most nurturing of all the personality types. They are called The Caregivers by many typologists, and it’s not hard to see why. ESFJs strive for kindness in all their interactions and love to create harmony and structure in their outer worlds. They are practical and organized, with a great desire to improve their community and lend a helping hand to others. They are loyal, sociable, and supportive. Some famous ESFJs include Pope Francis, Colin Powell, Anne Hathaway, and Hugh Jackman.

Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTI® here.

But what annoys these friendly outgoing types? I was determined to find out! I checked out my Myers-Briggs® library and interacted on forums and groups to find out what really bothers ESFJs. Here are the most common complaints:


ESFJs are organized and structured and believe in following through on their word. If they say they’re going to be somewhere at a certain time, you can count on them! This is one of the ways that they show respect and care for their friends. When other people fail to do this, it’s as if they’re implying that the relationship isn’t of real value, and it can offend and frustrate the ESFJ.

Lack of Follow-Through

interrupted plans
This point goes hand-in-hand with lateness in many ways. ESFJs say what they mean and mean what they say. If they make a promise to do something or commit in any way to a project, they will be there unless calamity strikes. They take their commitments seriously and it’s one of the many ways they show loyalty to their friends and relations. People who are wishy-washy, don’t show up when they say they will, or cancel plans at the last minute seem uncaring and disrespectful to the ESFJ.


Cleanliness and organization are hallmarks of the ESFJ personality type. They like to keep things tidy, and being in a haphazard, messy atmosphere stresses them out. They may not get angry about it, but it will make them feel uneasy. They believe that there’s a place for everything and everything should be in its place.


People who make statements or jokes with the sole intent of getting a reaction, angry or otherwise, can infuriate the ESFJ. To the ESFJ this kind of verbal manipulation is just another form of bullying and something that irritates them and conflicts with their belief in showing kindness and respect to others.

Being Taken Advantage Of

ESFJs are kind-hearted people who enjoy helping others in practical, meaningful ways. They are some of the most generous friends you can have, but some people find ways to take advantage of their giving nature. ESFJs want to be shown some kind of appreciation for the many things they do to help others, and not just asked to do more and more without acknowledgment. Being taken advantage of and used by people because of their generosity not only annoys the ESFJ but can make them feel depressed and disillusioned.

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What Do You Think?

Do you have any other pet peeves? What do you think would be on your top 5 list? Let me know in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!

Check out some more articles below!

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    1. Yes, Jenn! You are so right on with that one. How many times can a person insult my intelligence and expect me to stick around? Just tell the truth, people!

  1. I would say not all of us are 100% punctual. I have multiple ESFJ’s in my life, and most of us seem to be 5-10 minutes late regularly. ???? Something about trying to do one last thing before running out the door. So I try to give grace if someone else is late… As long as they aren’t too late!

  2. Laziness. Especially when it comes to meeting the needs of people in your life and you are completely capable of doing something.

    Next for me would be lateness. It’s rude and absolutely disrespectful of people’s time.

    And you said it about messiness. Good Lord, folks! Don’t you know your outside mess is a reflection of your inside mess?? Clean yourself up! How can you be inside there with all that junk? It’s gross and unhealthy. You deserve better!

    Also, I feel like I’m always taken advantage of, but that’s on them really. I just keep on being me, because I know it will pay off in the end. ????

    Great article, thanks a bunch!
    BC- ESFJ ????

  3. Try to understand INTP’s purpose ESFJ’s. We have trouble on the projection, have low self respect, and are generally not arrogant per say we just have a lot of internal debates and worry about whether others are smart. We can be amicable and even easy to mold. It just means you should go out of your way to help us and grow us rather than exclude. A lot of immature INTP’s can be hard to accept.

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