How ENTJs Say “I Love You”

Are you dating or married to an ENTJ? Do you ever wonder how they really feel about you? This comes as no surprise! Relationships are confusing, and many partners feel perplexed when their partner (someone with another personality type) expresses their love in a way that seems foreign or confusing to the one receiving it.

In today’s article we’re going to dive into the many different ways that ENTJs say “I love you.” Some of these ways may surprise you!

We’ll also take a look at some of the ways ENTJs are misunderstood in relationships. Knowing about these misunderstandings can help you to avoid encountering them and result in a happier and more secure relationship for both of you.

Let’s get started!

Not sure what your personality type is? Try out our most highly recommended personality questionnaires:

• You can take our free personality questionnaire here
• You can take Personality Hacker’s highly accurate personality questionnaire.
• You can take the official Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® for $49.95

This article contains an affiliate link to a questionnaire on Personality Hacker. If you purchase one of their courses, I get a small kickback that I can use to pay for hosting and other demands of this site. I only recommend courses I love.

How ENTJs Show Love

They Take Action

For ENTJs, action speak louder than words. This is especially evident in relationships. The ENTJ in love may not whisper sweet nothings into your ear every day, but chances are they’re looking for ways to make your life easier. Whether they’re helping you submit your taxes to the IRS or giving you a business idea for your current hobby project, ENTJs often try to show their devotion by taking care of their loved ones in very practical ways.

Many ENTJs find it difficult to express emotions verbally. This doesn’t mean they don’t have strong feelings for you! For ENTJs, a lot of their deeper emotional experiences are felt best alone. If they’ve made a commitment to you then chances are that you’re on their mind during a lot of their quiet moments alone. ENTJs have a type of feeling called Introverted Feeling. Types who value Introverted Feeling experience the fullness of their emotions most readily when they’re by themselves. When they’re with you, while they may be experiencing feelings of love or attraction, they don’t always know how to find words to express it. Instead, they may offer you a backrub or see if they can help you out with something practical.

They Make Time for You

For ENTJs, time is always of the essence. These personality types often have one eye on the clock (or their watch) at all times. Many ENTJs report that they’re always aware of life’s swiftness and have a pressing need to accomplish tasks or goals. There’s nothing an ENTJ hates more than wasting time. So if an ENTJ is making time for you repeatedly, chances are they care deeply for you. They wouldn’t allow themselves to pour time into someone they don’t genuinely have affection for.

They Mention You In Their Future

ENTJs are often thinking 5-10 steps ahead of the current situation. When they appreciate someone, they enjoy thinking of ways to integrate that person into their future life. So if an ENTJ brings you up in conversations about the future, it’s a good sign that they see you as being part of their long-term plans. They may talk about going on a road trip someday to your favorite places or mastermind some kind of collaboration the two of you could be involved in. Now keep in mind, this doesn’t always mean they are romantically attached to you – but they do see you as someone worth devoting time and energy to. If the future-forecasting they’re doing has a decidedly romantic tone to it, then you’ll know they have deeper-than-platonic feelings.

They Share Their Vulnerabilities with You

ENTJs aren’t typically going to share their weaknesses or sensitivities with you right away. This kind of deep emotional intimacy takes time and trust. But if you’ve given them time and they do start opening up to you, chances are they see you as a safe person. They feel they can trust you with their innermost thoughts and experiences. And they wouldn’t feel the need to share these things unless they deeply valued your relationship.

Always remember that if an ENTJ is sharing something vulnerable or sensitive that it probably took them a great deal more courage and muster to make it happen than for many other types. Some people gravitate to sharing their feelings easily, while others resist the urge for as long as possible. Always try to be patient and understanding when an ENTJ is sharing something vulnerable with you, as it probably took a lot of guts for them to do it and they may stumble over their words or feel irritated as they try to make sense of these things.

They Research Voraciously

Many ENTJs feel a bit perplexed when it comes to the world of emotional intimacy. While they might walk confidently into a board meeting with a clear business strategy, understanding the in’s and out’s of their romantic partner can feel like a bit of a minefield. So if an ENTJ is taking the time to research what makes you tick, it’s a sign that they want to understand you better. They might Google dozens of questions about how to “correctly” win someone over or pick your brain incessantly about what you like and don’t like. All of this is in an effort to get closer to you and to ensure that their time and energy is spent in the best way possible.

Some people don’t like the way ENTJs try to pick apart their minds. It feels invasive. However, if you can see it for what it is – an ENTJ’s way of showing they care – then hopefully you can appreciate the sentiment behind it.

They Troubleshoot for You

ENTJs are all about solving problems and making things happen. If you come to them to unload your feelings, chances are their brains will rapidly come up with a dozen different “fixes.” They might try to give you logical solutions to your emotional problems or try to take charge and fix the situation themselves. And while this can be frustrating for some types, it’s actually their way of trying to help. They want to make things better for you – and are often bewildered when their “fix-it” mentality causes relationship problems rather than intimacy.

If you’re a Feeling type (especially an FJ) in a relationship with an ENTJ, try to remember this when you vent to them. When ENTJs vent, chances are, they’re actively seeking out solutions (or else they’re having a grip stress response). When you vent to them, they try to solve the problem so that you’ll never feel this bad again. They want to take away your pain by helping you find a practical or logical solution.

The best way to deal with this is if you simply want a listening ear is to explain that, while you appreciate their desire to help, sometimes you just need them to listen and be present with you – not try to fix everything. If they know ahead of time that that’s what you need then they’ll be more likely to supply it.

They Want to Get Intellectual with You

ENTJs are on the lookout for a “Mind Mate” in a relationship, and if they’re actively pursuing a relationship with you, chances are they’ll seek out mentally stimulating conversation. Whether they’re tossing out a scientific theory or debating religion or psychology, they want to see if you can keep up with their quick wit or engage in some mental interplay with them. The playground of the mind is a deeply exciting and intimate place for an ENTJ. If you can meet them there then they’ll see you more and more as a kindred spirit.

Of course, not everyone wants a relationship where they’re constantly being challenged intellectually. And ENTJs need to remember that not everyone wants to engage in mental analysis or sparring all the time. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the constant mental stimulation, try gently steering the conversation towards more lighthearted topics. Just keep that mental playing field open for future meetings and discussions, otherwise it may not make sense for you to pursue a relationship with an ENTJ.

Common Hardships of ENTJs in Relationships:

When partners complain about their ENTJ spouses, they often say things like “They’re too critical!” “They are control freaks!” “They never talk about their feelings!” “They don’t validate me!”

Some people who marry ENTJs wonder if they are simply unfeeling and insensitive – callously throwing out remarks without any concern for who gets hurt along the way. But is this accurate?

Most of the time, it’s not.

ENTJs are wired to focus on problems that need solving. They scan their environment for any issues that need correcting. Think of ENTJs like human metal detectors, but instead of scanning for metal, they scan for errors that are getting in the way of goals. And if an ENTJ loves you, they’ll look for errors that are getting in the way of YOUR goals.

Lenore Thompson, author of Personality Type: An Owner’s Manual, explains the attitude of the ENTJ type well:

“Throughout history, Thinking types have been willing to die for the sake of their principles. Their capacity for emotional investment is no different from anyone else’s.”

A lot of people like to think of ENTJs as merciless dictators or cold, unfeeling masterminds. People who dislike the type accuse them of being insensitive, selfish, or uncaring. The opposite is often true. ENTJs are just as capable of emotionally investing in their partners as any other type, but they don’t tend to show it as readily. A heartbroken ENTJ may not sob and weep to their friends, but I can guarantee that in the quiet hours in their own rooms they feel the despair and brokenness just as severely as any other type. Of course, aspects like their Enneagram type can also influence the way they cope with heartache.

Lenore Thompson also states that ExTJ personality types often don’t register the emotional cues of others as quickly or readily as Feeling types will. Thompson states, “They’re likely to be most expressive in their descriptions of problems that need to be solved. They can, for this reason, appear to alternate between inexpressive neutrality and critical assessment. Ironically, both states indicate an ETJ’s ongoing interest and involvement in a situation.”

What does this mean? In short, it means that if an ENTJ cares about you, they’ll probably critique you or your mutual partnership. And who likes that? “No one!” you might be thinking. But the truth is that ENTJs do like that. Constructive (not emotionally retaliatory) critique is one way that ENTJs can troubleshoot their own problems. If you have a problem with an ENTJ they want to know about it. Likewise, if you’re getting in the way of your own goals, they’ll probably tell you about it.

This can look very tactless and insensitive at times. Say you really want to lose 20 lbs, but you keep snacking on potato chips while watching Netflix at night. Your ENTJ partner might make a comment like, “Shouldn’t you do some sit-ups in between episodes if you really want to lose weight?”

This could be interpreted in two ways. The first way would be to see it as a gentle reminder and encouragement to pursue your goals. The other way would be to see it as a personal attack on your character and an indication that your partner doesn’t find you attractive.

The second interpretation is obviously the more hurtful one. And it’s also more likely to be the interpretation of certain less direct personality types. If you’re in a relationship with an ENTJ, it’s important to remember that usually they’re just trying to help you get out of your own way.

ENTJs are wired to foresee a goal and then create a map to achieving it. They have a knack for lining everything up in their lives to make that goal as achievable as humanly possible. If they see you sabotaging yourself or stating things you want without living in a way that makes those goals doable they’re probably going to be perplexed and try to help you out.

An ENTJ and a Conflict-Avoidant Type

ENTJs are  known for being very direct communicators. They often say what they mean and mean what they say. This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the context. In the context of an argument, ENTJs will probably tell you exactly what’s wrong and what they think should be done to fix the problem. This can be helpful because it allows you to resolve the issue quickly. But if you’re conflict-avoidant or the kind of person who shimmies around a problem, this kind of direct assessment can feel like an attack.

Most ENTJs will bring up a problem directly and be very swift to get to the point. This can feel shocking and alarming to other types who are more reserved about conflict. In turn, the conflict-avoidant type can feel like the ENTJ is more angry than they really are. It’s important not to confuse directness with fury.

That said, you don’t want to let an ENTJ steamroll over your feelings.

If you need some time to process what’s going on, let them know. They’ll likely be more than happy to give you the space you need as long as they know that you’ll eventually come back to them and talk about the problem.

If an ENTJ is hurting your feelings, let them know! Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, chances are, they’ll respect that a lot more than you retreating or becoming passive-aggressive. Nobody deserves to be spoken to in a cruel or malicious manner, no matter what has happened. Directness is one thing, meanness is another.

The best way to deal with an ENTJ is to be direct yourself. They’re likely to appreciate your honesty and will respect you for being able to handle their blunt communication style. If you need to write your responses down instead of say them out loud that’s okay too.

It’s important to remember that ENTJ partners aren’t usually trying to hurt your feelings, even if it feels like they are. So try to take whatever they say with a grain of salt and remember that they’re probably just trying to help resolve a problem in their own unique way.

Summing It Up…

The truth is that ENTJs are often much more sensitive than their partners realize and often feel plagued by a sense that their efforts are unappreciated. They know that at times they can say things too directly or be less emotionally in-tune than they want to be, but if you look at an ENTJ partners actions you’re sure to see “I love you’s” all over the place from the way they help out, the way they try to solve problems, their loyalty, and the way they try to invite you into their mental playground.

Of course, every ENTJ is different and will express their love in different ways. Some ENTJs might be more cuddly and affectionate than others. Others might be better at communicating their emotions verbally. But one thing is for sure: if an ENTJ loves you, they’ll want to see you succeed. They’ll want to help you grow and reach your full potential. So even if their methods might be a little tough to handle at times, remember that they’re coming from a place of love.

Do you have any experience being in a relationship with an ENTJ? How do they show their love? Let us know in the comments!

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

10 Things ENTJs Look for in a Relationship

10 Things You’ll Relate to if You’re an ENTJ

The Top 7 Gift Ideas for ENTJs