10 Things That Terrify INFJs – According to 352 INFJs
Have you ever wondered if what frightens you is unusual or weird? Do you feel alone in your fears or worries? Many of us do, including me. I’ve wondered for a long time if personality type has anything to do with the kinds of fears we face as humans. Do different personality types fear different things? Are there any considerable differences or similarities? I decided to find out.
I scoured numerous online forums and Facebook groups and asked everyone I could about their fears. I wanted to make sure I had at least 300 responses before I wrote any blog posts on the subject. The first group of personalities to get to 300 responses were the INFJs. I’m thankful to each INFJ who contributed to this by talking to me about some of their most personal fears.
Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTI® here.
What I Found Out
Each personality type had a unique set of fears, and there were definitely patterns and unique worries that were particular to type. While some fears were shared between types, there were definitely big differences in what people feared most. For example, NT types greatly feared mediocrity, while SJ types greatly feared uncertainty. And within those temperaments there were even more variations. This is just part one of a series on what truly frightens each of the 16 personality types. I found talking to all of the types extremely enlightening, and I hope these posts will help you to better understand your own fears and the fears of others.
DISCLAIMER: Just because you’re an INFJ doesn’t mean you will automatically have these same fears. Your fears may be different, or you may have confronted a lot of your fears and be free of them by now. Don’t take offense if you don’t share these fears. This is just part one of a study on the 16 types and what the majority of them mentioned as their biggest fear.
Universal Fears
It was plain to see that certain fears were universal to all types; for example, spiders, bugs, and heights came up in every group regardless of type. So I’m not going to include those fears in these lists.
The Top 10 Things That Terrify INFJs
1. Humanity’s Potential for Evil
INFJs crave a world where equality, compassion, and freedom reign. When they are inundated by news of injustice, corruption, and cruelty they start to feel emotionally connected to all the pain around them. It can be difficult for them to detach from all the struggles that people encounter at the hands of others. It can feel impossible to focus or find their strong sense of vision and purpose when they know others are in pain or being treated unfairly. At the same time, many INFJs use their fear of evil to spur them towards speaking out against injustice. After all, Mahatma Gandhi and Mary Wollstonecraft were both INFJs who stood up for their beliefs and values.
2. Death or Loss of Children
While nearly every type mentioned loss of loved ones to some degree, INFJs were unique in that they specifically mentioned the loss of their children. While other groups mentioned “Losing someone in my family”, or “the loss of someone I love”, or “losing my spouse”, INFJs were the only ones who, by a majority, specifically mentioned the loss of children, and not a general loss of loved ones. INFJs are known for having very strong emotional bonds with their children, and for being very protective parents, so this may have something to do with the nature of their responses.
3. Phone Calls
“Making phone calls scares me to no end. I have to make scripts of what I will say, and I feel jittery and nervous the entire time. I hate it when there’s no way around making a phone call.”
– Sarah, an INFJ
More than 1/3 of the INFJs I spoke with mentioned phone calls as a serious cause of anxiety and worry. Whether it was making a phone call or receiving an unexpected phone call, they much preferred written correspondence to the phone; unless they were talking to a very close friend or family member.
4. Crowds
INFJs easily become overstimulated in large crowds of people. They tend to absorb the emotions of the people around them, and they also have inferior Extraverted Sensing (Se) which makes a lot of commotion especially difficult and strenuous for them. While this may be more of a stress-related fear than a cause of real terror, it certainly was mentioned a lot.
5. Ghosts
While a few INFJs specifically mentioned not believing in ghosts, and others believed but weren’t afraid of them, there were still a considerable number that feared their existence quite strongly and even shared their experiences with me. Some INFJs believed that their strong Intuition and the ability to pick up on moods and emotions outside themselves made it possible for them to sense a spiritual or otherworldly presence.
6. Insanity
Insanity came up as a fear far more frequently among IN personality types (INFJs, INTJs, INFPs, INTPs). IN types have such strong imaginations and look so deeply into hidden meanings and connections that, for some, they feel that their faith in “reality”, may be a little more skeptical than what most people believe. It also could be that because IN types are so heavily immersed in their own thoughts and mental functions, they fear the loss of that far more than most people would consider. None of the other types I’ve spoken with have mentioned insanity as a fear at all. This doesn’t mean they aren’t afraid of it, but it wasn’t at the forefront of their minds when they were speaking of their fears.
7. Abandonment
INFJs are notorious for having a difficult time trusting others. They read between the lines so fluently and look for hidden meanings so frequently that they take everything with a grain of salt, almost without realizing it. Because they are the smallest minority, making up only 1% of the population, they also tend to feel a little alienated throughout much of their lives. These factors can cause them to have difficulty trusting people, difficulty accepting love without restraint or apprehension, and difficulty feeling like they can be 100% themselves. Many INFJs, when speaking of their fears, cited fear of abandonment alongside a fear of opening up to others and allowing themselves to be loved unreservedly.
8. The Supernatural
Out of the ten types I’ve surveyed so far, INFJs mentioned fear of the supernatural far more than other types. INFJs are known for being very spiritual in nature, whether that spirituality is religious or personal. This may cause them to have a much stronger belief in the supernatural world. While INFJs tend to avoid a lot of superstitions, they have great respect for the unknown and what “could be”. Many said that they strive to be rational about everything, but that there is only so much that science can truly explain. Of course, there were several INFJs who piped up and said they weren’t afraid of or didn’t believe in the supernatural at all. So these fears will vary from person to person depending on their beliefs and background.
9. Their Own Imagination
INFJs have extremely rich and vivid imaginations. They spend a lot of time “in their heads” and a lot of time analyzing and predicting. However, sometimes their imaginations can get the best of them. Because INFJs have such strong Introverted Intuition (Ni), they form insights and future-oriented visions quite frequently. They put a lot of faith in these beliefs, ideas or “gut feelings”; almost more so than the faith they put into the sensory world. This can cause them, especially in childhood, to form very strong fears that have been formed by their imagination and their intuition that may not be particularly accurate. Even as adults, many INFJs struggle with taming their overactive imaginations.
10. Darkness
While many INFJs can enjoy stargazing or a night-time hike in the woods, they also mentioned a deep fear of dark spaces in their homes. Getting up in the night and using the bathroom might make their minds wander to all the things that could be lurking in dark corners or empty rooms of their homes. They tend to fill in dark spaces in their homes with terrifying ideas and images from their imagination.
What Do You Think?
Do these fears bother you or do you disagree? Share your thoughts with other readers in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
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Did you enjoy this post? Then you’ll love these!
https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2018/08/05/7-things-that-infjs-experience-as-children/
https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2020/10/05/12-amazing-infj-fictional-characters/
https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2020/08/12/12-awkward-moments-infjs-absolutely-hate/
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I will write a book about myself one day, because my life is very interesting …..
I always say this about myself too! -a fellow INFJ
Had a male infj acquaintance/friend I started to crush on out of knowhwere after 11 months of having his number and a few interactions. We were in a one week class together before all of that. Honestly we don’t know each other super well. I feel like I was a bit lonely texting him after breaking up with a friend I texted with all day everyday. (I broke up with that friend bc they not making good decisions in life so I had to let them go). Anyways my crush an infj guy whom I was texting with I felt like he didn’t want me to get to know him. He opened up to me about getting sick when I asked specifically why he had to stop doing one of his favorite hobbies. He only answered half of the questions I asked him in a txt. Sometimes I had to txt him one question twice to get an answer. He would always to about work and vent and his illness and thats it. What do you guys think?
As an INFJ man, we don’t always like to answer immediately, we will answer at our own pace after we know we can trust you with our inner world.
Get him to open up about what he is passionate about and he will be more open with other things.
Thank you!! I CAN’T think that fast, slow tf down!! But if I send multiple questions in 1 text it’s because I’m looking for multiple answers. You fail to answer one I start wondering if I was getting too close, or what happened with that particular question that you chose not to answer. To us, it’s a deliberate decision on your part to avoid the topic. Then comes the rest; no. wait, I really wanted an answer. Are they gonna blow up at me if I ask again? Ugh, I overthink enough, I don’t need any help, thx.
There is something you need to understand about INFJ men, or just people in general: we can be very sensitive people, not “overly sensitive” which is how toxic people stereotype us. An example of “overly sensitive” in real life is rage quitting and becoming depressed because you can’t beat a video game of varying difficulty levels, like Final Fantasy 7 remake. I have seen extroverts absolutely go nuclear over things like “DAMMIT! Help me out Tifa, you little bitch! You’re useless!” and this type of almost personal offense taken when a video game or even real life situation doesn’t go your way, in that they internally personalize things to an unhealthy level. Not everything is about you, or any person in the world, even extremely successful rich moguls like Elon Musk know this and need downtime, he has a crazy schedule and he’s an INTJ which is hardly as ambiverted as INFJ. But Elon aside, we all need downtime, so texting once, and expecting an answer immediately – is that an extrovert thing? Like you naturally become energized by being around people, we get it. But introverts, even more ambiverted ones, get their energy by being alone, or almost alone at least. 3 people in a room could be a party for an INFJ or any introvert, same thing if you have too many people, our low Se means we don’t respond well to our external world. It can make us clumsy, not extremely athletic and overall bad dancers (well ok maybe not Lady Gaga, but come on man she’s an exception, not just in clothing choices) If an INFJ is autistic, like myself, then that effect is multiplied many times over. Loud music, too many people talking over each other, drunk people, high people, or just annoying people, that is overstimulating for an INFJ in general, even a neurotypical. A healthy INFJ won’t tell you they’re overstimulated, or even annoyed sometimes, though you might read it on our face and subtle body language. We can also read you, autistic or not, sorry to break the stereotype about that, I have met a few autistic people that can read body language and sense emotions BETTER than most NTs, it scares NTs, and other people in general. I don’t wanna use this analogy but we’ll take a Disney route, an INFJ is like Queen Elsa, lots of us don’t need a big house to live in, and when we might have one it just seems like lots of empty rooms, that drives us crazy. We’re pretty pragmatic so we hate things that get unused, even when its our own things, we like playing or using stuff that hasn’t been used in decades, call it being sentimental. We’re also sometimes hopeless romantics, or rather, we don’t always know the “rules” of romance. I only recently learned in the last few years that playing a woman’s violin at a party could count as “foreplay”. I mean, that wasn’t my intention, I’m autistic, people tease me for taking things too literally almost every day. But to me if someone gives you an instrument to play and there are others playing in the room, that’s a shared jam session, not some random innuendo that I can’t figure out who made up – certainly not me. I know some innuendos and semiotics and such things but I don’t preoccupy myself with these “sexy” things. I’m demisexual and I know people have a right to be full-on sexual but like, it doesn’t seem necessary to me to copy them. And like Elsa we can get overstimulated quite often, too many texts bothers us, because we feel compelled to interpret the meaning of each one individually, and sending more texts is s trap, we can’t always think that fast, or if you use hidden meaning or subtext we’re going to be analyzing it for 10 minutes each message. We’re pretty resourceful sometimes, we’ll even ask someone we think is an expert to interpret it, or just try finding the answer online.
Anyway don’t pressure an INFJ male, or anybody. Slow down, let them go at their own pace. Elsa got pushed too far (and she may be autistic) and we all saw what happened. We won’t freeze your hearts, but we might need a lot of space, and if people push an INFJ too far, using snowflake powers to make it snow for a long time metaphorically isn’t the worst thing I can imagine. “The cold never bothered me anyway.” Pfft yeah as if, we don’t like the cold anymore than any other person, or even being cold to others, but sometimes we have no choice, and we have to sing an empowering song and live in the cold. It’s a self-defense mechanism that might also apply to autistic adults. I guess I just got dealt an interesting hand by the gods up above. I’m an INFJ autistic male that sees a bit of me in Elsa, but she is beautiful, when you look past all the pointy icicles.
Good Lord 🤔
Still waters run deep. Those rare texts you get back are only the tip of the iceberg to indicate what we (INFJs) are thinking.
My guess is that “your crush” thought about how you would react to every single word sent to you.
Give it time, let it grow. You can’t force the trust that is required for one of us to open up and trust you with our inner thoughts.
extremely accurate; scary even.
Personally, I’m scared of losing control of myself and hurting someone badly enough I can’t fix it.
Same
As an INFJ male, this list is really very fascinating to me. All the things on this list have definitely given me pause at some point, or because of some of my life experiences used to be quite frightening. But as I’ve gotten older, and processed through my life, I don’t know I would say any of these frighten me except the phone call thing. There are two or three that I think that can still “consume” my thoughts or cause stress are the loss of a child (which I have had happen, I’m not sure you ever quite get fully over it, but it doesn’t become quite as frightening either. It is survivable.), also abandonment/rejection and the evil in the world. The ghosts/spirits and supernatural don’t frighten me at all, although they might have at one point but isn’t that one of the beauties of being an INFJ who has grown up? You realize there is actually very little that you need to fear, and much more to hope for. You don’t lose sight of the truth that reality is more than what you can experience with your 5 senses in the here and now. There is an unseen realm that is just as real as what can be seen, heard, and touched. What I do today can and does have an effect on the future, but ultimately the outcomes are beyond my control. I can rest in remaining constant and enduring whatever comes my way while still remaining gentle, empathetic and caring of others.
I have all of these fears, that’s a scary thought too. I’m a retired person but, like a child, I think it could be possible for something to be under my bed. I am aware of an invisible spiritual world, containing good and evil forces. I would do anything to avoid talking on the phone, when I have to make a call I fret about how it will go, afterwards I go over it and tell myself what I should have said differently. This is ” the tip of the iceberg” of who I am. I have been abandoned by the first 2 males in my life who were important to me, but thankfully have a enduring partner who understands infj’s. I may not stand up for myself, but I would risk my life for others precious to me in a heartbeat. I have a “sense” about some people I come into contact with, if that meeting is the very last time I will ever see them, I know it. I’ve enjoyed this article very much, once again I am glad I’m not the only one who experiences life this way.
I hear you there, but I was able to wall off that world but now I wonder what else got walled off with it 🙁
The 352 people you asked were definitely fake INFJs who filled the test over and over again until they got INFJ.
I had the same line of thinking. 😉
I personally would get rid of ghosts from this list. Then, add Conflict to the number 2 spot, just following death of child (#1 fear of mine). Then the list continues as written.
Those are all my fears ranked in order
I clicked on all but insanity. My husband was deeply afraid of that but not an infj. This is a surprising list. It’s been startling to connect with other infj “traits.” It’s good to know I’m not alone but I just thought I was weird. I didn’t know my weird thoughts and behaviors (not weird to me but others not like me) added up to something. Like, it’s ok. I can better celebrate our differences and similarities.