5 Ways To Annoy An ENFJ
ENFJs are one of the most inspiring, charismatic personality types you will find anywhere. Because they are so determined to bring out the full potential of others, psychologist David Keirsey called them The Teachers. ENFJs are emotionally aware, understanding, enthusiastic, and insightful. Some of the most famous inspirational leaders of all-time, people like Martin Luther King Jr., and Nelson Mandela, were ENFJs.
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When I tried to find out the major pet peeves of ENFJs, they really only brought up issues that were extremely important to them. They aren’t ones to nitpick over little details – in fact, they are very forgiving of minor annoyances. But these five things will really get under the ENFJs skin:
Unreliability
ENFJs follow through on their promises and show respect to others by being there for them when they say they will be. This can mean anything from doing a task they promised they’d do to showing up somewhere on time. If you consistently show up late, shirk obligations, and break promises, you’re bound to rattle the otherwise accepting ENFJ.
Lying
ENFJs seem to have a sixth sense for phony behavior, and they can’t stand dishonesty. Because of their strong Extraverted Feeling (Fe) they are easily able to perceive minor changes in body language and eye contact that convey dishonesty, and because of their Intuition they can also sense insightfully when something doesn’t add up. So if you want to stay on an ENFJs good side, by all means, be true and authentic.
Disloyalty
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
– Oprah Winfrey, ENFJ
ENFJs are deeply faithful in their relationships and are turned off by people who flip-flop between friendship and disinterest. They are extremely generous and devoted to the ones they care about, so they quickly lose interest in fair-weather friends.
Selfishness
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?”
– Martin Luther King Jr.
ENFJs live and breathe to bring out the potential in themselves and others. They will sacrifice their time, energy, and resources to be there for a true friend or a family member. Their view on life is that it is meant to be used to inspire others and improve the world. Continual self-seeking behavior is detestable to most ENFJs and goes against their very core beliefs.
Bullying
Bullying, belittling, and abuse are nearly unforgivable to an ENFJ. Whether it’s sarcastic jabs at someone’s expense or something as detrimental as child abuse, ENFJs will not put up with it. They have a heart for the hurting and the vulnerable, and can’t stand to see anyone being taken advantage of or oppressed.
What Do You Think?
You might look at these pet peeves and think ‘well, doesn’t everyone hate that?!’. While some of these annoyances are universal, different things are mentioned far more frequently by different types. For example, INTJs brought up interruptions far more than ENFJs did. And ENFJs were bothered by tactlessness on a much higher level than INTPs were. While both types would prefer no interruptions and that everyone would be kind, certain types find particular pet peeves more disturbing than other types.
The ENFJ and Stress
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Hi! I found your website just recently and I must say it’s really exciting and intriguing to learn more about the personality types! I apologise in advance for this long post hehe… Having only recently found out about the whole Myers-Briggs thing I am trying desperately to work out which type I am! It’s confusing for me because I am sure what you start out as (when a child) is what you truly are? There have been many changes and bad experiences in my life that have left me confused about this. I was very much an extroverted child and loved entertaining my parent’s friends who came to visit – making up stories and acting out stuff. I was also the class clown at school. I was very creative and imaginative and compassionate. Loved animals and nature. Always had lots of pets. I wanted so much to connect with people but found it really hard. People just weren’t like me. I’d never have more than 2 close friends at a time. I was very sensitive and cried easily. Rejection and criticism were not taken well. I was always seen as ‘different’ as I dressed oddly and talked about anything and everything (especially weird stuff!) and not everyone was accepting of that. At the age of 4 one of my parents started suffering with severe mental health issues, was in and out of hospital etc, and that’s when my severe anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder and OCD all began to develop. I was very young and trying to deal with something way beyond my maturity level and I internalised all the hurt and worry and the unmet needs. Add in a mentally abusive father as well as a neighbour sexually abusing me and it turned me into a bit of a mess! I became very introverted for many years, had awful social anxiety, couldn’t reach out to people, became very depressed. I hated being alone but I found it so hard to be around people, make friends, maintain friendships. I was painfully shy. My people-pleasing trait became very strong due to having to ‘be an adult’ for my ill parent and trying to keep them happy and trying to diffuse tension when my parents fought. I’ve always been daydreamy and future-thinking and struggle to live in and appreciate the now. I much prefer fantasy and getting lost in stories, films, wishes and dreams. Probably as a form of escapism. It took me years to get back my confidence and feel comfortable being around people – I achieved this through a couple of the jobs I had which involved having to talk to hundreds of people on a daily basis. Finally I got back to my chatty/entertainer/outgoing self and it was a relief. I have never liked big groups – partly because I am HSP and find it overwhelming in a sensory way but also I enjoy proper connections with people and you cant achieve that when your attention is everywhere and too much is going on. But I prefer to be around people most of the time. Not LOTS of people, but just 1 or 2 people always around. I only enjoy alone time for being creative, otherwise I get terribly lonely and sad. I have times though when I absolutely want to be away from people and loathe interaction and think very unkindly towards people as a whole – seeing all the bad stuff going on and crappy people – that may be from BPD though.So it’s sometimes hard to tell if I’m intro or extro! I first thought I was more ‘perceiving’ than ‘judging’ but I have a great need to be organised, plan things, have goals. Vagueness and people floating through life frustrates the heck out of me! Whilst some spontaneity keeps things fun and takes you away from predictable and mundane stuff (so boring to me) I like to plan everything, including most fun things. I want to make the most out of life and scheduling stuff in means it actually gets done! I am an advocate for animal welfare and love teaching people online about correct pet care and promoting rescue. I much prefer animals to people (due to my life experiences) and yet I always hold out hope of connecting with like-minded oddballs and building a little clan. I am mostly housebound due to M.E. which makes getting out and about very difficult. Being indoors alone a lot is not a good situation for me. Thankfully I live with my partner so he is there every evening after work but I do crave more interaction. Most of my friends have moved away over the years and it’s hard to get out to meet new people. Im not sure if it’s just an HSP thing but I have always been very good at reading people and I can tone down/up my behaviour to suit whoever I’m with and whatever the situation is. I often feel like a mediator and advisor to people and people actually come to me with their problems quite often as they feel I will listen without judgement. I have been reading though your website and the personality type I most resonate with is ENFJ. The ‘5 things that annoy’, ‘what stresses you out’ and infographic articles were all spot on. Any suggestions on what I have said or further things to think about? Sorry again that it’s so long! I’m just desperate for some ideas and clarification from someone who is well versed in the personality types! It’s so important for me to know myself fully and work out my place in the world 🙂
Sad story, I would say INFP.
I typically never read anyone’s comments or just skim a couple words and move on as it’s of no importance, irrelevant, or just not what I’m looking for. It’s like I’m looking for an answer or just something to understand me and see what links are out there between my personality type and bpd and also just learning… rambling I’m sorry. I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to write what you did. I am EXACTLY the same in so many ways. It’s lonely but it’s an amazing blessing. I always want more, I hold myself to a high standard…but I also limit myself from reaching my full potential because I always go away from my needs to help others (most of the time only the ones who count). I’m too trusting but learning how to trust my intuition. I’m trying to be a bit more quiet about me and my business and help others… ahhh. So much to write. It’s rough but I really feel the more I can understand about me and my actions and also others, the more successful I’ll be. I work for myself, beauty industry. My clients rarely ever stray and are so loyal bc of how I am with them. I can be thrown into any type of situation, immediately access someone and just flow. I become a chaneleon. Bad part is, I never knew me. But now…I’m finding maybe my flaws aren’t as bad as I thought and I can learn how to channel it towards the positive. Wow. I could go on forever. Just thank you. Something in me made me look up what I did, and I needed to read this.
Hey did you find your mbti type now ? (It’s been years now) if not maybe u are an infj ?
On point
Thank you!!
I recently found your blog and have been enjoying reading through the posts and sharing them with my extended family. You do a great job of making the material interesting and easily understood for the non-professional. I enjoy your writing style. I am an INTJ female, married to an ISTJ psychologist. We have raised an INFJ female (age 23), an ISTP son (22), and an INTJ son (20).
Thanks so much! I’m so glad you find the blog enjoyable 🙂 I have an INTJ, ISTP, INFJ in my family as well – I’m the INFJ, my husbands an ISTP, and my daughter is an INTJ. I also have an ESFP step-son and a 2-year-old which I am not even going to try to type yet 🙂 Thanks again for the kind words!
This is an amazing article. Amazing because you nailed a lot of points here. I’m curious: since you’re an INFJ, the difference between you and the ENFJ is that you take some time alone while doing basically the same things ENFJs do (due to your Fe and Ni being interchanged – the latter’s the dominant function while the former’s the auxiliary). Right now, I have a college friend who seems to be an INFJ just like you and I’m head over heels on her at the moment. As a single INFP, do you have some tips on how can I make her reciprocate her feelings to me? 🙂
Hmm….well, I’m no relationship expert but I’ll try 🙂 One thing INFJs really like about INFPs is their authenticity and their strong sense of inner values. We also love the imagination and creativity that INFPs have. You guys use a completely different type of Feeling and Intuition than we do; while our Feeling is extroverted, yours is Introverted, and while our Intuition is introverted, yours is extroverted. So it’s kind of fascinating to us! INFJs and INFPs love talking about ideas together and sharing insights. They also enjoy similar movies and books a lot of the time, so connecting over some type of shared interest is always fun. If I were you I’d just be as true to myself as I could be, and maybe just tell her how you feel. We like it when people just come right out and tell us how they feel. I’m sorry, I feel like I’m not doing a good job as I don’t know very much about the situation. But I’d just be honest and share your feelings with her, ENFJs and INFJs really appreciate honesty and authenticity.
Amazing! I must say that everything written is so accurate! I love all the articles and how indepth they are! Looking forward to see more new articles being released!
Thank you! I’m so glad you enjoy them!! 🙂
Wow as an ENFJ I can say this is so accurate
Yes! The bullying and the selfishness was so true!