10 Things You Should Never Say to an INTJ

Ever wondered how to communicate effectively with an INTJ? We all want to have better communication with the people we care about, right? Sometimes statements that seem harmless to us can really get on other people’s nerves. When it comes to conversation there are certain phrases that really bother some types more than others. I’ve spoken with over three hundred INTJs to determine which phrases bother them the most, and after tallying up their responses I came up with 10 statements that will almost always get a negative result. Let’s take a look!

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What should you NEVER say to an #INTJ ? Find out!

10 Things You Should Never Say to an INTJ

#1 – “You Don’t Know What You’re Talking About”

If an INTJ has taken the time to make a statement, chances are they’ve thought it through pretty carefully first. As dominant introverted intuitives, they tend to process and analyze things thoroughly before speaking up. It’s better to ask for clarification if you’re confused, or agree to disagree, instead of accusing them that they just “don’t know” what they’re saying.

#2 – “You Think Too Much”

INTJs are very thought-intensive people. Analyzing recharges them and allows them to get some of their great innovative ideas. Telling them to stop doing that would be tantamount to telling an artist “You draw too much!”

#3 – “You Need to Lighten Up!”

INTJs tend to be on the serious side, but that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Isaac Newton and Nikola Tesla were INTJs, and I doubt anyone gave them a hard time for being serious (or maybe they did, who knows). I’ve known plenty of INTJs with a sense of humor, but nobody appreciates being forced into phony cheerfulness, especially not INTJs.

#4 – “You Can’t Do That”

Being stuck, limited, or controlled in any way is extremely frustrating for an INTJ. If you tell them they can’t do something chances are they will try to prove you just how much they can do that exact thing.

#5 – “You Should Smile More”

Authenticity is a big deal to INTJs. Don’t expect a smile unless they actually feel like it’s genuine and honest. Smiling and engaging in social pleasantries “just because” isn’t in their nature.

#6 – “Because This is How It’s Always Been Done”

INTJs are pioneers of new methods and generally shun traditional practices or rules. To the INTJ, just because something has always been done one way doesn’t mean that’s the best way. INTJs aim to perfect existing systems or else create new systems altogether.

#7 – “You Need to Go Out More”

INTJs are extremely independent and rely on alone time and peace and quiet to access their intuitive insights and thoughts. They need a lot of alone time to feel fulfilled and de-stressed, so try not to pressure them into too many social engagements if they’re not interested.

#8 – “I Just Decided to Pop Over!”

If there’s one thing that will instantly make an INTJ’s hair stand on end, it’s telling them you’re going to make a “surprise” visit! If you want to drop by unexpectedly you’ll need a good reason, and you’ll still want to text and ask permission first. INTJs like their social engagements planned out ahead of time and spontaneous interruptions are a major stressor for them.

#9 – “Here, Let Me Show You How It’s Done”

If you’re feeling especially confident and patronizing, it’s better not to show it to an INTJ. Give them a chance to do things their way before you step in and try to take control.

#10 – “That’ll Never Happen”

INTJs are known for their sudden, uncanny insights into how things will play out. They are master strategists and very good at anticipating future events. Think long and hard before calling out one of their predictions! You may find your words coming back to haunt you later.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do these statements bother you? Are there any others you would add? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic,  The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer, and The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist. You can also connect with me via FacebookInstagram, or Twitter!

An in-depth eBook about the #INTJ personality type.

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

When INTJs Loop – Understanding the Ni-Fi Loop

Are You An INTJ or an ISTJ? Clarifying a Common Mistype

How to Communicate Effectively with Any Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

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  1. its funny being an enfp and looking into a intj’s thoughts so easily… it feels like im cheating somhow

  2. This one is more infuriating. “You can’t go out too far!” While also saying “You need to try playing more in the next town!”. So, which one should I be doing again? :))

  3. I’m an INTJ that is going to be a new mom soon. Having my parenting choices/ opinions questioned all the time as if I haven’t put a significant amount of research and thought into them is extremely annoying.

    1. “It’s common sense, you should’ve known this by now.” Getting this when you’re assuming a new role that you’ve zero experience with during the first few months. people start saying this and “why you’re the only one who does not know about this?” When no specific info was really provided to me

      1. The thing that could upset me the most is sudden visits that ruin my whole day and also telling me to smile when they take me in family photos…as if I’m going to give birth to a real smile hahaha…

  4. I’m an INTJ, and I can completely relate to this, especially #4, I have a friend who’s an ISTJ, and she’s always telling me how I can’t do stuff that breaks the rules, than I get a bit angry, and I respond ” Well at least I’m not a mindless sheep that does whatever they’re told, and lost all respect for themself because of it. Unlike someone I know.” Then they go all speechless, then act like a 5 year old and say, ” You’re being mean!” And I respond, ” No I’m being honest.”

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