5 Ways to Annoy An INFJ
Today we’re going to talk about what rattles the enigmatic INFJ personality type. INFJs are referred to by psychologist David Kiersey as “the Counselors”. They are true idealists; always longing to make the world a better place, yet simultaneously feeling haunted by the evils and injustices they see everywhere. INFJs are constantly looking to the future and trying to find ways to bring out human potential. While they may be hard to get to know initially, INFJs can make incredibly loyal friends and insightful listeners.
Disclaimer: I’m an INFJ myself, so hopefully my post doesn’t sound too arrogant (I rarely refer to myself as ‘enigmatic’). These 5 pet peeves are not just my own personal pet peeves, but are the result of my conversations with other INFJs and the help of my handy Myers-Briggs book collection.
Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTI® here.
Noise and Interruptions
INFJs have an extremely active inner world that they rarely, if ever, show anyone else. They use dominant Introverted Intuition (Ni) to seek out meaning and find patterns that point to a future outcome. Ni-dominant types (INTJs and INFJs) often need considerable quiet time to themselves to think and focus. Interruptions, noise, and excessive sensory stimulation will push an INFJ to the edge of their comfort zone. Along with needing peace and quiet to harness their intuition, INFJs also have inferior Extraverted Sensing (Se) which makes them extremely sensitive to sensory stimulation – noise, bright lights, excessive movement, etc,..
Related: Why INFJs and INTJs Get Overstimulated
Facades and Attention-Seeking Behavior
INFJs detest attention-seeking behaviors and melodrama. Their strong intuition combined with their awareness of emotions makes it easy for them to spot when someone is being fake or is always seeking the spotlight. Emotionally manipulative movies and TV shows also get on their nerves. While INFJs love to listen to people’s problems and help them sort out their emotions, they prize authenticity and honesty. They can’t stand passive-aggression, phoniness, or people who are always trying to find ways to add more drama to life.
INFJs would much rather converse about the weightier matters of life than spend time talking about the weather, celebrity gossip, or the latest fashions. While they know small talk is sometimes a necessary evil, they can’t wait to get to the point where a conversation delves into more meaningful material. INFJs would almost always prefer to talk about the meaning of life, existential fears, hopes, dreams, aspirations and ideas. INFJs also especially like to talk about plans for the future. Because they are one of the most future-focused types, they love to come up with an idea or ‘master plan’ for the future. If you can get them talking about their plan or vision, you will probably see a more talkative side of the INFJ than you’ve ever seen before.
INFJs can’t stand being talked down to, patronized, or condescended to. Some people misunderstand the INFJs quiet, sensitive nature as a form of weakness and feel they need to patronize them or ‘take charge’ of them . INFJs quickly see through this kind of behavior and, although they may bite their tongue initially, will likely lash out with uncharacteristic resolve and anger at someone who repeatedly talks down to them. Because INFJs combine Ni (Introverted Intuition) with Fe (Extraverted Feeling) and Ti (Introverted Thinking) they can easily analyze other people using a combination of insight, emotional awareness, and logical deduction. If you repeatedly patronize an INFJ, don’t be surprised if one day you find out they have been carefully collecting every logical flaw in your arguments, and every personal weakness you have to completely annihilate you when you’ve finally gone too far with your superior attitude.
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Having to Focus Solely on Concrete Reality
INFJs are masters of existential thought. They aren’t designed to focus on the tangible realities of daily life, and feel drained and stifled if they have to for inordinate amounts of time. This is why INFJs tend to get depressed in jobs that require a lot of repetitive, detail-oriented work. They are happier in jobs that allow for creativity and big-picture thinking. They often struggle with focusing on the present moment, the sensory details of the world around them.
What Do You Think?
What are your thoughts on these pet peeves? Do you agree or disagree? Let me know in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
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Check out these posts for more INFJ information!
Understanding INFJ “Grip” Stress
The 5 Biggest Misconceptions About INFJs
10 Things You Should Never Say to an INFJ
I had never heard of this when I took the test, I figured I would come back as a manic depressant like every other test I’ve taken.
This has changed me in so many ways, I know the how and why. I read these things and scream internally “finally someone gets me!” I know why I’m in the relationship I’ve been in for the past 27 years now and why i cant get out. For years I’ve thought myself as being lazy, selfish, over dramatic and generally a person who didnt deserves healthy relationship, internal happiness, friends and a job i could love.
Very accurate, I enjoy reading your insights. Thanks!
Thank you Jenny!
I love your site, all your INFJ posts are accurate. Thanks for sharing.
I think there shouldn’t be posts about how to annoy each other. MBTI was invited for us to understand each other better, not to make more harm.
Hi Dee! This isn’t meant to be instructional or to push people TO annoy people – it’s actually meant to show people what NOT to do so that we don’t accidentally annoy people. I can understand how the title might be confusing though.
Another right on article. Thank you Susan!
INFJs don’t like it when they are given too much attention too, or when people try to convince them a lot to do anything. Coz INFJs don’t like it when it reaches a limit and its difficult for them to put their loved ones down.
Definitely! Its especially draining when combined.
I’m working on my my master’s degree for psych and my family insists on some lavish celebratory party. However, all I want is to earn my degree, quietly. Everyone doesn’t need to know and I HATE being the center of attention (somehow they still don’t understand this). It will inevitably go down the route of them doing it anyway, me disappearing (I always do), them feeling disappointed, and me being seen as “ungrateful”. It’s quite obnoxious to constantly be the one to be expected to cater to everyone else’s wants while mine are ignored/trampled.
So glad to understand why I get annoyed so often. This will help me guide others as to avoid annoying me, especially being talked down to. That is a real problem for me. It happens often and I feel a resolve immediately building in my mind to express my intellectual thought processes. I do try to hold my tongue. But eventually, I pity those who cross swords with me. Bam!
I can’t thank you enough for this article! I’ve wondered all my life why people talk down to me or patronize me. ( Not everyone thankfully!) And I hate it and if someone keeps it up, I’d like to give them a peice of my mind. And I would! But so far I haven’t done so because usually I’m able to just avoid that person.
Thank you for enabling me to understand myself and why some people treat me the way they do.
I have taken the INFJ test a number of times and it always reveals that I am an INFJ. I just read the article about what annoys INFJs and it really resonates with me. Everyone of the things that annoy INFJs are extremely annoying to me. As a small child I became extremely nervous eating in the cafeteria and remember saying that the noise bothered me. I also really can’t stand attention seeking people and I know one who appears to be “very nice” to everyone else. However this person creates a situation in which she is consistently the center of attention at family gatherings. This person is not a sibling but a non-biological relative. I just get extremely upset even when I’m in the same room with her. I feel guilty about this but it’s as if I can see things about her that no one else sees. This situation is very disconcerting to me but as hard as I try to discount my perception of this person, I simply cannot do it. The other annoyances listed above are also very real to me.