10 Extremely Annoying INFJ Pet Peeves

Today we’re going to talk about what rattles the enigmatic INFJ personality type. INFJs are referred to by psychologist David Kiersey as “the Counselors.” They are true idealists; always longing to make the world a better place, yet simultaneously feeling haunted by the evils and injustices they see everywhere. INFJs are constantly looking to the future and trying to find ways to bring out human potential. While they may be hard to get to know initially, INFJs can make incredibly loyal friends and insightful listeners.

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Discover the most common INFJ pet peeves. #INFJ #MBTI

The 10 Biggest INFJ Pet Peeves

Noise and Interruptions

INFJs have an extremely active inner world that they rarely, if ever, show anyone else. They use dominant Introverted Intuition (Ni) to seek out meaning and find patterns that point to a future outcome. Ni-dominant types (INTJs and INFJs) often need considerable quiet time to themselves to think and focus. Interruptions, noise, and excessive sensory stimulation will push an INFJ to the edge of their comfort zone. Along with needing peace and quiet to harness their intuition, INFJs also have inferior Extraverted Sensing (Se) which makes them extremely sensitive to sensory stimulation – noise, bright lights, excessive movement, etc,..

Related: Why INFJs and INTJs Get Overstimulated

Facades and Attention-Seeking Behavior

INFJs detest attention-seeking behaviors and melodrama. Their strong intuition combined with their awareness of emotions makes it easy for them to spot when someone is being fake or is always seeking the spotlight. Emotionally manipulative movies and TV shows also get on their nerves. While INFJs love to listen to people’s problems and help them sort out their emotions, they prize authenticity and honesty. They can’t stand passive-aggression, phoniness, or people who are always trying to find ways to add more drama to life.

Small Talk

INFJs would much rather converse about the weightier matters of life than spend time talking about the weather, celebrity gossip, or the latest fashions. While they know small talk is sometimes a necessary evil, they can’t wait to get to the point where a conversation delves into more meaningful material. INFJs would almost always prefer to talk about the meaning of life, existential fears, hopes, dreams, aspirations and ideas. INFJs also especially like to talk about plans for the future. Because they are one of the most future-focused types, they love to come up with an idea or ‘master plan’ for the future. If you can get them talking about their plan or vision, you will probably see a more talkative side of the INFJ than you’ve ever seen before.


INFJs can’t stand being talked down to, patronized, or condescended to. Some people misunderstand the INFJs quiet, sensitive nature as a form of weakness and feel they need to patronize them or ‘take charge’ of them . INFJs quickly see through this kind of behavior and, although they may bite their tongue initially, will likely lash out with uncharacteristic resolve and anger at someone who repeatedly talks down to them. Because INFJs combine Ni (Introverted Intuition) with Fe (Extraverted Feeling) and Ti (Introverted Thinking) they can easily analyze other people using a combination of insight, emotional awareness, and logical deduction. If you repeatedly patronize an INFJ, don’t be surprised if one day you find out they have been carefully collecting every logical flaw in your arguments, and every personal weakness you have to completely annihilate you when you’ve finally gone too far with your superior attitude.

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Having to Focus Solely on Concrete Reality

INFJs are masters of existential thought. They aren’t designed to focus on the tangible realities of daily life, and feel drained and stifled if they have to for inordinate amounts of time. This is why INFJs tend to get depressed in jobs that require a lot of repetitive, detail-oriented work. They are happier in jobs that allow for creativity and big-picture thinking. They often struggle with focusing on the present moment, the sensory details of the world around them.


Enough said. Being in masses of people forces INFJs into a place where they have to be hyper-conscious of their surroundings, immediately propelling them into their inferior function, Extraverted Sensing. Long states of being in crowds can make them feel antsy, restless, overwhelmed, and unable to think.

Lack of Manners

Sure, manners may be old-fashioned to some, but INFJs appreciate them because they afford every single person, no matter their job, age, or position, a standard level of respect. People who don’t make eye contact with servers, who don’t say “thank you” when a barista hands them their coffee, or who otherwise refuse to acknowledge other people’s efforts are frustrating and even embarrassing to INFJs. Manners are simple, require little energy, and let other people know that they are deserving of your respect and gratitude. Manners affirm other people, even in small interactions, matter to you.

Black and White Opinions

Narrow-mindedness is a huge no-no if you want to get close to an INFJ. They see many shades of gray in how each person understands the world around them. They realize that there is nuance to everything and that nothing can be simplified. Because of this, people who classify people in very general terms, make black and white judgments, or create “either/or” situations where there really are hundreds of options get on their last nerve.

Overly-Traditional Perspectives

INFJs are intuitives first and foremost. They see new perspectives, explore abstract concepts, and want to be inspired by new and transformative ideas. People who are bound by tradition and can’t see past their own experiences and personal beliefs to another side overwhelm and frustrate them. As introverted intuitives, INFJs have the gift of being able to see from many different perspectives and angles. They realize that there are new, unknown ways of understanding life itself and everything in it. People who can only look at their short rulebook of life experiences and traditions to understand life and who limit innovative thinking tend to bother them immensely.

Being Pushed Into Spontaneity

INFJs are people with a plan. They need to know what’s going to happen and have time to prepare before being pushed into a spontaneous situation where they have to think quickly on their feet. Occasionally this doesn’t bother them if it’s an area where they naturally excel (for example, a concert pianist INFJ being asked to perform a simple song). But in general, INFJs need fair warning and time to prepare before they are expected to do something. Rapid changes in plans, spontaneous requests, and little time to prepare cause them considerable stress.

What Do You Think?

What are your thoughts on these pet peeves? Do you agree or disagree? Let me know in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!

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Check out these posts for more INFJ information!

Understanding INFJ “Grip” Stress

The 5 Biggest Misconceptions About INFJs

10 Things You Should Never Say to an INFJ

Discover the five things you should NEVER do around an #INFJ . #MBTI #Personality


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  1. As an INTP… I have all of them except for the last one 😂 but yeah probably other pet peeves would be worse for me, like messing with logic, and there are also pet peeves unrelated to my type, like people sniffing loudly, this one wakes up the enneatype beast and I’ll react with a very ferocious look 😂

  2. What a “spot on” post of key peeves those of us who are INFJ/INFP (I seem to be both at times) and thank you for how eloquently you describe them.
    Reading through them had me saying : yes, yes, YES!!
    Especially about “lack of manners”. Yes, I am in my 70’s and so was raised in a different time, but still resonate with your comments about manners.

    Kindest regards,


    1. I too can be either P or J and this description of pet peeves is just spot on. I’ve never seen myself represented so clearly before.

  3. (INFJ)
    Yes, this was very accurate! Apart from the fact that I don’t think small talk is a necessary evil. There’s certain things (like the weather), that you know all humans have in common, so it’s logical to lead with this. It’s a way to put people at their ease…nothing wrong with it.
    So you mentioned that due to the extroverted sensing function, INFJ’s are very sensitive to all the normal (or abnormal) stimuli around them, which is true for me…that gave me insight (ie: I now know it’s because of this function!).
    Other pet peeves are bad spelling & grammar, & people not explaining things in a logical way. Also loud chewing/slurping/sniffing. Also feet on seats on public transport (no respect for others). And messy untidy/dirty surroundings (I always want to impose order 😛).
    Thanks for your wonderful insightful articles..much appreciated 🙏🏼

  4. I can’t tell you how much I look forward to reading these emails. I am a proud INFJ & mother of 5! Your words give me strength & sense of pride being me. I struggle so hard with my peers and the world around me. These well written meanings are so refreshing and help me be an even better me each day. Thank you 🙂

  5. I recently travelled with some friends and was surprised at my level of irritation with their manners. And that I never noticed their poor manners before this, after knowing them for many years. Maybe they have gotten worse as they age. But I felt I was unreasonably angry at them.

  6. This is so incredibly accurate! I cannot abide people who don’t bother with manners. I’m in my 30s, and many people my age and younger simply can’t be bothered with basic etiquette. I understand that not everyone is taught. I have grace for that, but people have point blank told me that “manners are stupid, and they can’t be arsed.”

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