5 Ways To Annoy An INTJ

Today I want to talk about INTJs. These independent thinkers are often intriguing and challenging with their original ideas, insights, and strategic ways of making decisions. I have an INTJ sister-in-law who I LOVE talking to on the phone. I can always count on her to be straightforward, honest, but also open-minded and full of ideas.

For this post, I researched INTJ pet peeves in forums, talked to some helpful INTJs, and scanned through some of my favorite personality books to come up with this list of what to avoid doing if you don’t want to get on an INTJ’s nerves.

5 Ways to Annoy an INTJ

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1 – Interrupt Them

INTJs rely on their dominant Introverted Intuition (Ni) to connect the dots of life and form insights into their goals, dreams, or theories. Ni requires a great deal of personal space and energy to harness effectively, and when INTJs are thinking or needing time alone to use Ni, an interruption is incredibly frustrating. Make sure they have plenty of space and time alone to use their dominant function and form thoughts and ideas.

2 – Surprise Them


INTJs like to have a plan. They use Extraverted Thinking (Te) to form efficient, strategic plans that ensure their goals are accomplished. Having a plan and following a certain order helps the INTJ to be comfortable and relaxed. Surprises and spontaneity are NOT comfortable for INTJs. A surprise party can be a nightmare for an INTJ, who may have already had a plan for the night involved. This doesn’t mean that an INTJ will never enjoy a surprise gift or friendly phone call – but if you can plan it ahead, it’s almost always better.

3 – Engage in Small Talk

INTJs like to get to the point. They don’t enjoy beating around the bush, and they could care less about the weather (unless they have an interest in meteorology or the weather on a personal level). Idle chit chat, gossip, or mundane details are like torture for an INTJ who wants to talk about something life-changing, extraordinary, original, or relevant to their lives.

4 – Emotionally Manipulate Them

INTJs have a strong distaste for anything that’s not authentic. INTJs rely on tertiary Fi (Introverted Feeling) to determine whether something is authentic or aligns with their values. They have no patience for cloying, manipulative remarks or emotional strategies meant to evoke a reaction. Telemarketers, salespeople, or day-to-day manipulations that can occur in relationships are not only irritating but can cause the INTJ to lose complete respect for the person engaging in the manipulative behavior.

5 – Interfere with Their Alone Time

This point goes hand-in-hand with the first point about interruptions, but sometimes it’s not just about interrupting – sometimes taking a step back from your INTJ friend can be a good thing. Don’t over plan their time or demand responsiveness on a constant basis by over-texting or overstimulating them so they can’t retreat into their own mind. INTJs need alone time every day, sometimes for great lengths of time. While all people (especially introverts) need alone time, INTJs and INFJs who rely on Ni (Introverted Intuition) tend to be especially needful of that time alone because Ni is really only able to be fully utilized in a place that is free of distractions and interruptions.

What do you think?

Let me know your thoughts or experiences in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you!

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  1. If your sister in law really is an INTJ, she probably HATES talking to you on the phone. Think about that the next time you dial.

    1. This is not necessarily true. As an INTJ I have a very short list of less than 5 people who I don’t mind talking to on the phone. Nothing is black and white.

      1. I am INTJ and I agree with what you just said. I have a few people in my life whose unscheduled phone calls don’t bother me.

  2. I am an INTJ and I hate talking on the phone. I avoid it as much as possible. There are, however, a couple of people I will talk to. There are not many people in this world I can relate to, so when I find one I am far more willing to step outside of my comfort zone. Maybe this is what your sister-in-law has with you.

  3. The “Emotionally Manipulate Them” is wrong.It should be “Try To Emotionally Manipulate Them” xD but otherwise it’s great and accurate ;).It’s rather good for someone who isn’t an INTJ herself.

  4. Giving me advice really annoys me too. Argh!! I’ve usually thought of everything already and I don’t want to listen to advice and recomendations that I have to pretend to listen to and acknowledge.

  5. This is a very week written article. The explanation of needing alone time is excellently described. I have often been harshly judged because of all the alone time I need to be at “the top of my game.” I easily need at least a full hour alone every evening and most Saturdays I literally have no human interaction for 8 to 12 hours.
    This then prepares me to truly enjoy the interactions I have with co-workers, family, and friends.

    Of course there can be exceptions from time to time.

    Thanks for researching and writing.

  6. You should add ” inconsistency”. I absolutely hate people who are inconsistent and/or unreliable.

  7. I agree for the most part with this list, but I would like to add being interrupted while talking. When that happens I’m wondering are we having a conversation or a race to see who can talk the fastest/most or do you feel like what you have to say is more important than what I have to say. Irritates me so much.

  8. Great article! They’re all so true! One thing I would add:
    Having to repeat the same thing over
    and over
    and over.
    It’s the worst.

    1. I am an intj, my top pet peeve is the phrase, “could care less”, as in “they could care less about the weather”, that phrase makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, it should be “couldn’t care less” . 99% of the times I here that phrase it is used incorrectly,

  9. I HATE the constant comments about the ‘expression on my face,’ e.g., ‘You look bored,” “You look angry,” “You look like the cat that ate the canary,” “I wish I knew what you were thinking,” “I’m sorry that this isn’t interesting to you.” It’s endless when I’m not any of the above. My ‘go to response’ has always been: “No, I was just thinking/listening.” What I’m doing at the time is thinking, processing, analyzing so if asked to provide input, I’d have thought with some on-the-spot rigor of a justifiable answer. Geez. Nothing else.

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