What should you NEVER say to an #INTJ ? Find out!

10 Things You Should Never Say to an INTJ

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Ever wondered how to communicate effectively with an INTJ? We all want to have better communication with the people we care about, right? Sometimes statements that seem harmless to us can really get on other people’s nerves. When it comes to conversation there are certain phrases that really bother some types more than others. I’ve spoken with over three hundred INTJs to determine which phrases bother them the most, and after tallying up their responses I came up with 10 statements that will almost always get a negative result. Let’s take a look!

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10 Things You Should Never Say to an INTJ


#1 – “You Don’t Know What You’re Talking About”

If an INTJ has taken the time to make a statement, chances are they’ve thought it through pretty carefully first. As dominant introverted intuitives, they tend to process and analyze things thoroughly before speaking up. It’s better to ask for clarification if you’re confused, or agree to disagree, instead of accusing them that they just “don’t know” what they’re saying.

#2 – “You Think Too Much”

INTJs are very thought-intensive people. Analyzing recharges them and allows them to get some of their great innovative ideas. Telling them to stop doing that would be tantamount to telling an artist “You draw too much!”

#3 – “You Need to Lighten Up!”

INTJs tend to be on the serious side, but that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Isaac Newton and Nikola Tesla were INTJs, and I doubt anyone gave them a hard time for being serious (or maybe they did, who knows). I’ve known plenty of INTJs with a sense of humor, but nobody appreciates being forced into phony cheerfulness, especially not INTJs.

#4 – “You Can’t Do That”

Being stuck, limited, or controlled in any way is extremely frustrating for an INTJ. If you tell them they can’t do something chances are they will try to prove you just how much they can do that exact thing.

#5 – “You Should Smile More”

Authenticity is a big deal to INTJs. Don’t expect a smile unless they actually feel like it’s genuine and honest. Smiling and engaging in social pleasantries “just because” isn’t in their nature.

#6 – “Because This is How It’s Always Been Done”

INTJs are pioneers of new methods and generally shun traditional practices or rules. To the INTJ, just because something has always been done one way doesn’t mean that’s the best way. INTJs aim to perfect existing systems or else create new systems altogether.

#7 – “You Need to Go Out More”

INTJs are extremely independent and rely on alone time and peace and quiet to access their intuitive insights and thoughts. They need a lot of alone time to feel fulfilled and de-stressed, so try not to pressure them into too many social engagements if they’re not interested.

#8 – “I Just Decided to Pop Over!”

If there’s one thing that will instantly make an INTJ’s hair stand on end, it’s telling them you’re going to make a “surprise” visit! If you want to drop by unexpectedly you’ll need a good reason, and you’ll still want to text and ask permission first. INTJs like their social engagements planned out ahead of time and spontaneous interruptions are a major stressor for them.

#9 – “Here, Let Me Show You How It’s Done”

If you’re feeling especially confident and patronizing, it’s better not to show it to an INTJ. Give them a chance to do things their way before you step in and try to take control.

#10 – “That’ll Never Happen”

INTJs are known for their sudden, uncanny insights into how things will play out. They are master strategists and very good at anticipating future events. Think long and hard before calling out one of their predictions! You may find your words coming back to haunt you later.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do these statements bother you? Are there any others you would add? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic,  The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer, and The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist. You can also connect with me via FacebookInstagram, or Twitter!

An in-depth eBook about the #INTJ personality type.

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

When INTJs Loop – Understanding the Ni-Fi Loop

Are You An INTJ or an ISTJ? Clarifying a Common Mistype

How to Communicate Effectively with Any Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

Understanding INTJ Intuition

Find out the 10 things you should never say to an #INTJ #personality type! #MBTI

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91 Comments

  1. “You need to come out of your shell/Don’t stay in the bubble/Get out of your comfort zone.” I hate those. They usually mean, “You have to do the same sorts of things I do and like the same sorts of things I do in order to be a real/mature/complete person.”

  2. Does this also apply to INFJ with low Fe or INFJ in a NiTi loop? Cause I think I might be INFJ, but every detail here describes me so well, which is why I used to think I’m INTJ.

    1. I had the same experience – came out INFJ the first time I took it, but INTJ the next time. This article has convinced me I’m INTJ, because every one of these statements pushes my buttons! 😄

  3. Thank you Susan! You are so correct about what INTJs dislike. As an INTJ I just might add how extremely uncomfortable some of these statements make INTJs feel. It is hard for me to find the words that completely capture the acute discomfort. Perhaps all I can say is that some of these expressions cut an INTJ soul like a sharp knife can cut flesh. The result is not simply a feeling of distress or anger; rather it’s a feeling as if one’s very being has been diminished.

    Thank you for your wonderfully cogent insights into this.

  4. At the moment I can’t think of anything I would add to the list. However, I do agree about disliking interruptions. One thing that instantly irritates me is to be interrupted while I’m speaking. I also don’t care for “surprise” visits either.

    1. Or people who always show up unannouncedly early! A few minutes early is fine, but I set my own schedule by when people are expected to arrive. Those who show up half an hour or more early will find me quite cross.

  5. When someone says I should talk more , I usually respond with, “Perhaps you would benefit from talking less and listening more. I know it has helped me :)”

  6. As an INTJ-A I related to all of those. NEVER say them to me. Another one that really makes me mad is: ”You try to see things from too many perspectives.” Oh boy, did that piss me off. One of the things I’m proud of is my ability to see things from different perspectives and here you go and criticize it. Not cool. Not cool at all.

  7. I hate being interrupted when I’m off in my head to ask me if I’m mad. I have better things to do than answer questions. I am always analyzing situations and conversations that I had or may have as well as working on my finances mentally.

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