ESFJs are known for including others and doing all they can for the people who accept their warm embrace. They often get the nickname “Host” simply because they do so much to make sure their core group is accommodated in every concrete way they can.
Drew wants a pencil that won’t break? The ESFJ is finding one or making one themselves. Martha wants fuzzy slippers with shrimp on them for Christmas? The ESFJ’s getting those dang slippers. Becky wants a white wedding with an artichoke dip fountain? The ESFJ will work their magic to make it happen.
If you couldn’t tell, ESFJs are quite giving by nature. They focus on what the people around them want and do their best to meet those needs. They’re also generally charming and likable. Many ESFJs are quite lively and engaging, beckoning all to come and listen to their fun stories and kind vibrations.
Need an example? Go watch the actor Hugh Jackman talk to literally anybody. Anybody.
He’ll set any heart on defrost.
All expenses included.
Now, imagine this lively, giving spirit having a romantic bent towards you. Oh, yeah. You’re in for it.
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
The Flirting Style of the ESFJ Personality Type
They’ll Compliment You at All Costs
ESFJs are probably the quickest personality type to compliment others. They tend to lean into positivity and see a great need in affirming people. If an ESFJ is flirting with you, their abundant joy is going to soak into you until you’re drowning in light.
My ESFJ friend will go out of his way to compliment his significant other, no matter what. He’ll compliment her logic, the way she frames her questions, and, of course, how lovely she looks that day. His girlfriend could set a house on fire on purpose and he’d still tell her she “did her best” or that he “couldn’t believe how lucky he was.”
Sound a bit extreme?
It should. ESFJs don’t take affection lightly. If you’re the one they’ve clung to, prepare to get showered in terms of endearment.
They’ll Defend You at Every Opportunity
ESFJs might look like the sweetest, most loving person you’ve ever known, but they can unleash on people who hurt someone they care about. If someone in their intimate group isn’t happy, they aren’t happy. They do not tolerate the people they care for most being hurt in any manner.
If you’re familiar with the Harry Potter series, you’ll probably know Molly Weasley (Ron Weasley’s mother). Molly is a very joyful, loving, accepting person, however, when her family is put into danger, she is quick to jump into the conflict and call people out for their wrongdoings. She even went so far as to end the life of another wizard in order to protect her daughter.
For the people they care about, ESFJs will go into “no-chill-mode” to defend their people. If an ESFJ wants an intimate relationship with you, you can bet that they are on top of every person who attempts to wrong you, defending your honor and happiness at the drop of a pin.
In some cases, “ESFJ: The Warrior” might fit better than “ESFJ: The Host.”
Somebody better start making these t-shirts.
Put an axe decal on it or something.
They’ll Force You to Open Up
ESFJs are innately motivated by people. They listen intently and do their best to be patient with everyone they speak to. People will be surprised to find themselves telling ESFJs about their core selves, even after only being in their presence for a mere few minutes. ESFJ warmth is that all-encompassing and accepting.
Imagine the sun, but in a manageable, person-sized being. Being around them is like that, minus the sunburns.
ESFJs will most definitely work their comforting power on their love interest. They’ll nod in all the right places, hold your hand at just the right time, and generally charm your pants off. For them, they like unlocking the real you that’s underneath the cute person they see on the surface. If you have something hidden in you, it won’t be hidden long.
Basically, prepare to slowly bloom open like a flower. Great metaphor. I could have said flour instead. Now you’re a dessert.
They’ll Get Involved in Your Interests
When it comes to people ESFJs are romantically interested in, they’re adamant about figuring them out and paying attention to their needs. ESFJs will go out of their way to watch, listen, and research things their love interest likes, just so they can learn more about them. What they really want is to connect with you in a real, concrete way. If you both have watched the same movie or heard the same song, that’s just one more thing that brings you closer together. ESFJs want to unlock you and stay there for a while.
I have another ESFJ friend who, despite already having a full-time job, spends her free time helping her husband run a cigar shop. Does she smoke cigars? No. Has she ever cared about cigars? No. But she genuinely supports her husband’s interest and knew that her people skills could help him bring more customers to the shop. She was quick to learn about her husband’s passion and liked putting effort into his sphere, attending cigar conferences with him and helping him bring in business. Now, anytime we talk she lists off different types of cigars, who buys what, and so on. Her care in the subject developed because his was already there and she wanted to meet him where he was.
I’m sure she would have sat and learned about cat memes, if he was interested in the topic, regardless of how much interest she had in it initially. When something matters to their love interest, it matters to the ESFJ. No questions asked.
How sweet is that?
Southern sweet tea sweet, I’d say.
What Are Your Thoughts?
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Jami Cannon is an MBTI® enthusiast who hopes to shed more light on the SJ experience. She holds a very stereotypical degree in History (MA) and loves to learn all she can about the people around her.
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