10 Things You Should Never Say to an ESFP

ESFPs are some of the most fun-loving, charismatic personality types out there. They know how to grasp the moment and make the most of what’s happening “right now”. They are naturally mindful, conscientious, and spontaneous with a zest for life that is contagious! I have a special spot in my heart for ESFPs because my mom is an ESFP! Growing up with her helped me to realize that ESFPs are much more than most type descriptions say. They are adventurous and exciting, but they can also be deep, insightful, excellent listeners, and intellectual readers. They tend to be “jacks-of-all-trades” and interested in a huge variety of subjects.

But what really irritates ESFPs? What words get their blood boiling?

In general, everyone hates hearing “calm down”, “relax”, or “you’re being too sensitive”. When I spoke with members of each personality type, across the board everyone hated those statements. Nobody wants to feel like they’re being unreasonable or illogical, regardless of their thinking or feeling preference. But what especially triggers ESFPs? Let’s take a look.

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10 Things NEVER to say to an #ESFP

  1. “Here’s What You Need To Do”

ESFPs are free-spirits who are naturally independent and adventurous. They despise being stifled, ordered around, or controlled by bossy, overbearing people. A sure way to turn off an ESFP is to start micro-managing their life.

  1. “You Can’t Do That”

Imposing limits on an ESFP is a sure way to get on their nerves. They love their freedom and they live with a confidence that they can grasp what life has to offer and take advantage of opportunities as they arise. Being around someone who is regularly putting down their dreams or aspirations is sure to cause conflict and unhappiness in the long run.

  1. “Let’s Talk About Your Long-Term Goals”

ESFPs are definitely opportunists who can get excited about future ventures and ideas. However, sitting around planning out the future in detail can be stressful for them. Settling on just one plan for their life; whether it’s a college they want to go to, the career they want, or a relationship, can cause a great deal of stress. They worry about making the wrong choice and regretting it later. They feel much better if they can keep their plans open-ended or leave room for change and modification.

  1. “Hurry Up And Decide!”

This point goes hand-in-hand with the last one. ESFPs don’t like being rushed to make a serious decision. They like to explore all possible avenues and experiences before they settle on one thing. Usually when they decide on something it comes across as spontaneous; however, it may have been the result of a long period of inward reflection.

  1. “You’re Not That Funny”

ESFPs are often called “the entertainers” and it’s not hard to see why. They love to make people smile, laugh, and forget about their troubles. Many great comedians and actors have been ESFPs; people like Will Smith, Cameron Diaz, and Andy Samberg. Lightening the mood and making people happy is one of the many ways that ESFPs show they care. Telling them they’re not really that funny can seriously depress them, and it’s just mean anyway.

  1. “Don’t Take This Personally, But…”

Do you really need to say what you were thinking of saying? Most of the time when people preface something by saying “don’t take this personally” they’re about to get insulting or condescending. Insults, non-constructive criticism, and condescension are aggravating to ESFPs. Think hard about how you say things; is it important to critique them? How could you phrase your criticism respectfully and with empathy?

  1. “I Don’t Like You”

Some types don’t care too much about what other people think. ESFPs tend to take rejection hard, and wonder what they did wrong or what they can do to fix a relationship. When people reject them or verbally “disown” them, it hurts, a lot. They may spend a lot of time trying to figure out what went wrong in the relationship or what they did to offend the other person.

  1. “Let Me Show You How It’s Done”

ESFPs hate having their projects “taken over” by other people. They are also incredibly turned off by controlling behavior and micro-managing. If you want to help an ESFP, try to think of another way to present your help besides saying something that might imply your way is the only way.

  1. “You Need To Take Life More Seriously”

ESFPs may come across as playful and exuberant most of the time, but inwardly they have deep values and emotions. They don’t always show their serious side, but they do have it. They often reflect on their goals, their life decisions, hopes and dreams in solitude. So be careful not to mistake their outer liveliness as a sign of shallowness.

  1. “Mope, Mope, Mope”

Regular negativity and complaining will wear on the nerves of an ESFP. They don’t mind listening to their friends when they’re truly in despair, but if they have to be around someone who reacts to everything with negativity they will eventually lose patience. ESFPs tend to be optimists, and constant negativity seems impractical and a waste of time to them.

ESFPs and Stress

What Do You Think?

Do these statements bother you? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type or The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!

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Other Posts You Might Enjoy:

Understanding ESFP Sensing

Are You a Ne-User or a Se-User? The Difference Between Extraverted Intuition and Extraverted Sensing

5 Ways to Annoy an ESFP

7 Things Extroverts Are Sick of Hearing


Find out what ESFPs absolutely hate to hear. #ESFP #MBTI #Personality

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