10 Things You Should Never Say to an ESFP

ESFPs are some of the most fun-loving, charismatic personality types out there. They know how to grasp the moment and make the most of what’s happening “right now”. They are naturally mindful, conscientious, and spontaneous with a zest for life that is contagious! One of my closest friends is an ESFP, and I love how I can bring up any idea and her first reaction is, “Why not? Let’s do it!”. These entertainers have a magnetic aura that invites you in to a sense of adventure, fun, and limitlessness.

But what really irritates ESFPs? What words get their blood boiling?

In general, everyone hates hearing “calm down”, “relax”, or “you’re being too sensitive”. When I spoke with members of each personality type, across the board everyone hated those statements. Nobody wants to feel like they’re being unreasonable or illogical, regardless of their thinking or feeling preference. But what especially triggers ESFPs? Let’s take a look.

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1. “Here’s What You Need To Do”

Translation: Here’s what you need to NOT do if you want to stay on an ESFP’s good side.

ESFPs are free-spirits who are naturally independent and adventurous. They despise being stifled, ordered around, or controlled by bossy, overbearing people. A sure way to turn off an ESFP is to start micro-managing their life.

2. “You Can’t Do That”

Oh, really? Watch them. Telling an ESFP they can’t do something is like waving a red flag in front of a bull—except the bull is wearing sunglasses, blasting Beyoncé, and already halfway out the door to prove you wrong. They live for freedom, so keep your limits to yourself unless you want to see them break them just because they can.

3. “Let’s Talk About Your Long-Term Goals”

Sure, let’s talk about their long-term goals—right after they finish zip-lining, trying that new taco truck, and adopting a stray dog they just met. ESFPs live in the moment, and while they can think about the future, forcing them to map out their entire life plan feels exhausting to them because…who knows…the future tends to disrupt even the best laid plans. Sure, they might do it if they like you, but they’ll hate it.

4. “Hurry Up And Decide!”

This point goes hand-in-hand with the last one. ESFPs don’t like being rushed to make a serious decision. They like to explore all possible avenues and experiences before they settle on one thing. Usually when they decide on something it comes across as spontaneous; however, it may have been the result of a long period of inward reflection.

5. “You’re Not That Funny”

First of all, rude. Second, ESFPs are the life of the party, the class clowns, the people who can make you laugh so hard you snort coffee out of your nose. Telling them they’re not funny is like telling a bird it can’t fly—it’s just cruel. And also, you’re wrong.

6. “Don’t Take This Personally, But…”

Do you really need to say what you were thinking of saying? Most of the time when people preface something by saying “don’t take this personally” they’re about to get insulting or condescending. Insults, non-constructive criticism, and condescension are aggravating to ESFPs. Think hard about how you say things; is it important to critique them? How could you phrase your criticism respectfully and with empathy?

7. “I Don’t Like You”

Ouch. Most of the ESFPs I know are self-described golden retrievers—they just want to be loved. Rejection hits them hard, and they’ll probably spend way too much time wondering what they did wrong. So unless you’re trying to crush their soul, maybe keep this one to yourself.

8. “Let Me Show You How It’s Done”

ESFPs hate having their projects taken over by other people. They are also incredibly turned off by controlling behavior and micro-managing. If you want to help an ESFP, try to think of another way to present your help besides saying something that might imply your way is the only way.

9. “You Need To Take Life More Seriously”

Oh, they take life seriously, just not in the way you think. ESFPs have deep values and emotions, but they don’t wear them on their sleeves. They’d rather focus on the good stuff, like making people laugh or finding joy in the little things. So maybe lighten up and join the fun instead of raining on their parade.

10. “Mope, Mope, Mope”

Regular negativity and complaining will wear on the nerves of an ESFP. They don’t mind listening to their friends when they’re truly in despair, but if they have to be around someone who reacts to everything with negativity they will eventually lose patience. ESFPs tend to be optimists, and constant negativity seems impractical and a waste of time to them.

What Do You Think?

Do these statements bother you? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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Other Posts You Might Enjoy:

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5 Ways to Annoy an ESFP

7 Things Extroverts Are Sick of Hearing