12 Stress-Busting Techniques for INFPs
INFPs. The soft-spoken philosophers of the personality world. Quiet on the outside, swirling with thoughts and emotions on the inside. They’re the ones who notice what nobody else sees, feel what nobody else admits, and manage to carry it all while writing novels, composing songs, or listening to everyone else’s problems like unpaid therapists.
But even Idealists get wrecked by stress.
Today we’re going to break down what happens when INFPs hit that lovely wall called stress — both the everyday kind (annoying but survivable), and the full-blown “I’m spiraling and can’t find the ground” kind, otherwise known as grip stress (where their inferior function, Extraverted Thinking, hijacks the controls).
Both kinds feel different. Both require different kinds of triage.
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Everyday Stress
Let’s start with the normal stuff — the daily grind. Workload piling up. Misunderstandings. That weird social interaction you’ll replay for the next 48 hours. The usual.
When this kind of stress shows up, the INFP doesn’t exactly flip out. Instead, they double down on being INFP. They retreat inward, poke at their feelings like scientists in a lab, and try to untangle the emotional knots. They analyze. They write. They daydream possibilities (thank you, Extraverted Intuition). They’re looking for meaning in the chaos — trying to realign the world with their values.
If they get space to do that, they usually recover. If not… well, that’s when we slide toward the grip. And the grip is a different beast.
“Grip” Stress
Now we enter the real funhouse.
When an INFP gets chronically stressed — not just “bad day” stressed but slow erosion of the soul stressed — something strange happens. Their usual Fi-Ne magic (Introverted Feeling + Extraverted Intuition) starts sputtering like a car running out of gas. And then, from the basement, their inferior Extraverted Thinking (Te) kicks open the door like an angry substitute teacher nobody called for.
This usually happens when life keeps pelting them with stuff that grates against their values. Constant negativity. Conflict. Criticism. Environments where empathy feels like a liability instead of a gift. Or when they’re forced to be “on” around people way too long without any real chance to retreat and sift through their inner world. Or — maybe the worst — when someone bulldozes one of their core values. When that happens, the normally peaceful, gentle INFP flips into a kind of panicked command mode.
It’s not pretty.
What It Looks Like When an INFP Is “In the Grip” of Extraverted Thinking
This is where you see the sweet Idealist suddenly turn into… well, kind of a jerk. But a deeply distressed jerk.
Instead of quietly processing feelings, they start barking orders (or at least internally fantasizing about doing so). They get obsessed with fixing things — not gently, but forcefully, like they’re trying to manhandle reality into submission. They might snap, blurt out biting sarcasm, or stew in aggressive thoughts that feel completely foreign to their usual self.
There’s a cold, factual brutality to it — fixating on data points and failures, running mental spreadsheets of everything that’s gone wrong, why it’s gone wrong, and whose fault it is (spoiler: everyone’s). They might lash out. Or they might freeze up completely, staring blankly into the void because their usual feel-think-intuit system is fried and their Te isn’t actually great at leading the charge.
From the outside, they may resemble an unhealthy ESTJ — blunt, rigid, irritable — which is absolutely disorienting for them and everyone around them. Afterwards, when they finally crawl back out of the Te basement, they’re often wracked with guilt and remorse. “Who even was that?” they wonder.
This is where the people who love them need to do what INFPs are so good at doing for others: show radical kindness. Offer safety, not solutions. Let them feel accepted again, even in the wake of the meltdown. Because underneath the mess, that tender-hearted Idealist is still there — just bruised and trying to find their way back.
What Makes INFPs Stressed?
- Rigidity in rules and timelines
- Having their values violated
- Not enough time alone. Too much socializing.
- Too many demands on their time
- Small-talk
- A lack of authenticity from others
- Having their creativity stifled
- Having to focus too extensively on sensory/concrete details
- Criticism or confrontation
12 Ways INFPs Can Get Relief From Stress
Alright. You’re fried. The world feels loud and stupid. You’re either quietly dissociating or fantasizing about yelling at everyone you’ve ever met. What now?
Here’s a toolbox for crawling out of the stress spiral:
1 – Get Some Alone Time
This is non-negotiable. People are great and all (sometimes), but too much human interaction when you’re already fraying is like adding sandpaper to a sunburn. You need quiet. Space. Zero incoming stimuli. Get away. Sit. Stare at nothing for a bit. Let your brain sift through the backlog of feelings you haven’t had time to process. You’ll start to feel yourself again once your inner world stops screaming for airtime.
2 – Exercise
You’re not just a floating ball of feelings — you have a body, and it can help you. Go for a walk. Ride your bike. Jog through the nearest green space. The physical movement taps into your tertiary Sensing function (yes, that’s a thing) and gently pulls you back from the Te-obsessed thought spiral. Bonus points if there are trees. Or clouds. Or, honestly, just fresh air.
3 – Read a Book
Sometimes the best way to reset your brain is to borrow someone else’s. Stories let you slip into another world where you don’t have to generate the ideas yourself — you just get to absorb. Fiction, fantasy, poetry, whatever lights up your brain. You’re giving your Ne (Extraverted Intuition) some fresh fuel without forcing it to do all the heavy lifting right now.
4 – Just Say “No” to Extra Responsibilities
INFPs tend to say “yes” too much, because you’re nice like that. But when you’re drowning, you need to start slashing obligations like you’re cutting cords on a sinking hot air balloon. Look at your schedule. Cross off everything that doesn’t absolutely have to happen. Yes, you might feel bad. Yes, someone might pout. But you cannot save anyone else if you’re emotionally face-down in the dirt.
5 – Talk to Someone Who Will Empathize and Listen Without Trying to “Fix” It
After your alone time detox, you might want to talk. Find the person who can listen without trying to fix you. You don’t want advice. You want someone who can nod and say, “Yeah. That’s rough.” Ideally, they’ll let you vent out the sarcastic, sharp, slightly unhinged thoughts that built up during your grip moment without judging you for not being your usual soft-hearted self.
6 – Journal
Your journal is your friend. Vomit everything onto the page — the rage, the confusion, the tiny irrational grievances you don’t feel safe saying out loud. Writing gives shape to the chaos. You don’t even need to be profound. Just let it out.
7 – Take a Hot Bath
Yes, this sounds cliché. No, you don’t care. You need sensory comfort, and baths are like a full-body permission slip to stop doing things. Quiet? Check. Warmth? Check. Zero people asking for stuff? Check. You get to sit, feel the heat, and let your body signal to your brain that you are safe again.
8 – Listen to Music
Music is basically emotional acupuncture for INFPs. It gives you permission to feel what you’re feeling without having to explain it. Whether it’s angry industrial beats or soft, sad indie folk — your choice — let the music hold space for the feelings you’re too drained to sort through consciously.
9 – Spend Time with a Pet
Animals: zero judgment, 100% comfort. Snuggle your cat. Walk your dog. Watch your ferret do whatever weird ferrets do. Your pet won’t demand explanations or offer terrible advice. They just exist with you, and sometimes that’s the best medicine for an overloaded Feeler.
10 – Meditate or Pray
When everything feels tangled and chaotic, stillness can feel revolutionary. Meditation, prayer, breathwork — anything that gives your mind one quiet place to land. You’re not trying to solve anything right now. You’re just letting your nervous system unclench.
11 – Look at, or Create Art
Art activates parts of you that get shut down during Te grip mode. Look at beautiful things. Make beautiful things. Doodle badly. Paint. Visit a gallery. Lose yourself in color and shape and texture. It reconnects you to your Feeling and Intuition in ways words sometimes can’t.
12 – Have Sex
Okay, we’re going there. Multiple INFPs mention that sex — with the right person, at the right time — helps snap them out of the hyper-rational spin cycle. It pulls them out of their heads and back into their bodies. Physical connection can gently reboot that dormant Sensing function and remind them they are, in fact, still human.
The INFP and Stress
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What Do You Think?
Do you have some great stress-relief tips for INFPs? What do you do to get control of your emotions and feelings? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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Check out more articles!
Getting to Know the INFP’s Shadow Functions
10 Things You Should Never Say to an INFP
I’m not sure how to communicate sustained applause through text. Writing has finally failed me.
I can definitely vouch for a good chunk of these, especially exercise. I always found it weird that even though physical exertion is normally an inconvenience for me, my daily walks (and rewalks, and rerewalks) always feel like a pallet cleansing. I never even THOUGHT that it might be because I’m putting focus on my sensing, that’s a really wonderful insight.
Thanks so much for writing this. Your blog has pretty much been my favorite thing ever for the past month. I will become an MBTI expert yet!
Well, “expert” by the standards of “exhaustive nerd” anyway.
Awww, thanks so much!! That means a lot to me 🙂 I am so glad that you found it relateable! As an INFJ I also get relief through taking solitary walks – even though I really hate strenuous exercise (I’m kind of a wimp, physically speaking). When I learned that all types can often get out of a grip reaction by working their way up their functions through the tertiary function that REALLY helped me a lot. For me as an INFJ, utilizing my Ti (Introverted Thinking) helps OR finding better, healthier ways to utilize my sensing on a day-to-day basis. I am so glad you enjoy my blog, it’s such an encouragement to me 🙂 I am right there with you about being an “exhaustive nerd” 🙂 I obsess over MBTI way too much.
Wow. This is incredible. As an INFP whose previous job turned out to be the perfect environment to put me in the “grip” daily for about 4 years, I can vouch for almost every word on this page. It’s so correct I almost cried. I feel so validated. It’s the one time an INFP is glad to know they aren’t unique– because the pain is unbelievable, and if we know why the process of the “grip” makes sense, then the burden lightens.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with a job that put you in that kind of chronic stress day in and day out! Thanks so much for reading my post and sharing your thoughts and experience with me! I am so glad you feel validated! Learning about personality type and stress has been a great way for me personally to understand myself and others better. I’m so glad if it can help anyone else too!
That’s exactly how I felt. Almost every word resonated with what I went through a few months back. My partner couldn’t understand why I behaved in such a way that I had never acted before in our 10 years of marriage. The work was too stressful and I was away from my family. I found a “friend” who would care less about how I felt but nevertheless listened to me without being judge mental… My wife thinks I cheated on her. Its not that I cheated on her but all I wanted someone to hear me out. As private as I was, now everyone knows about my “affair”. I feel so violated. I have shut myself down since. Not sure how and when will I come out. Thanks for the article though. Beautifully written!
Hi again Susan~I was wondering in your opinion who goes best with an INFP? Considering they are at their most healthy states. I’ve often heard ENFJ or ENTJ (NO thank you to that one!!) or even INTJ. What are your thoughts and feelings about this subject for an INFP? And again, thanks for another lovely, spot-on article!
Hi there! I’m so sorry I’m late in responding to this comment – my site has had some issues for several days and I was unable to access the comments or make any posts. Can I research your question a little bit and get back to you? I have a few books that address type and relationships and I would love to consult those before answering you. Thank you so much for contacting me and I will respond soon with thoughts on a good InFp match!!
Susan,
Was wondering what an INFPs recently out of long-time period of using Extraverted Thinking should do in order to reach out to another that may have had the same phase, for the same amount of time. And show them who they really are. This is kind of…the kind of a thing where you’d want to be pals with the person, or whatever. 🙂 Thank you.
As an INFP currently in the middle of a grip stress, I can vouch for all of these. Even the sex one as a semi-narcissistic reconnecting. Yet, I can tell when the next day makes additional demands and I lapse back into ET mode or fake NT as is required by the current needs and deadlines. I find myself longing for getting in touch with my touchstone friend (#5 who will listen and reflect and help me walk through it) or walking with my dog or doing Tai Chi (pet, meditative and exercise) more. Spot on…
Thank you Stephen for sharing your thoughts on this! I am so sorry that you are dealing with grip stress. Is it because of your work environment? You don’t have to say of course. I hope that things will get easier over time! I’m glad you have a good friend and a dog to keep you company if needed! I wish you all the best!
Oh, so spot on! I ‘ve just found your site and skimmed, rather than read, because I know I need to sleep at the moment LOL but will be back to check this more solidly as what I’ve read could have been from a very personal diary …. very accurate for me. 🙂 Thank you.
What does an INFP do when they are not physically able to exercise? I understand the value of it and wish I could do more, but with lifelong RA and several replaced joints, strenuous exercise is out.
Carolan, working with debilitating diseases like RA and artificial joints is tough for any type. I’m and INFP who has always felt out of funk when I haven’t been able to exercise. However, as an INFP with Ankylosing Spondilitis, Osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia and an artificial ankle, I’ve had to figure out how to “quench my thirst” for physical activity without causing episodic debilitation. Susan doesn’t focus on the strenuous exercise aspect of it but instead it’s about escaping “their inferior Thinking function and use the tertiary Sensing function as a pathway back to complete equilibrium.” So it’s really about the sensing aspect of physical activity. I used to work out for 2 hours a day. I’ve had to accept that not only can I not work out that long anymore, I also can’t do strenuous exercise. So I thought I was done for. But what I’ve discovered (and I didn’t realize it was because of the sensory aspect until reading this blog) is that even small exercises can help destress. Try Yoga or Pilates. Even just stretching for a while can sometimes destress. I bought one of those foam rollers and on bad days when even doing simple exercise is difficult, rolling on the foam roller has helped destress. It’s a world away from the stress. So don’t give up on exercise as a stress reducer–try it in moderation.
“An INFP having a “grip” reaction will seem more like an unhealthy ESTJ. This will be extremely confusing to them, and they will feel out of control and lost. Afterwards, they may feel intense remorse over their reaction and experience”
This is so true! I had to live with a sexist and false (which I hate) brother in law for months abroad and I became depressed for like a year. Everything I used to enjoy was not fun anymore and I hated myself, I felt like a different person and I didn’t wanted to talk with close friends because I was afraid they would hate me like I did. Now I’m healthy and weirdly glad I went through that situation because it made me realize a lots of things.
Thanks for the article! I love your blog 🙂
I am so sorry you had to go through that experience! I know, as an INFJ, I went through an unhealthy ESTP-like phase in my life that was incredibly difficult, so I know how hard it is to struggle through such a long period in a grip reaction. I am so glad you are feeling better now! I’m also glad you’re enjoying my blog! Thank you! 🙂
You can add on top of listening to music, making music. For me its Playing and practicing the piano. I find its emotionally relieving and stress relieving to use my energy on playing a beautiful song such as Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata or any classic. Afterwards Im back to my happy, positive and go-lucky self again.
So crazy! I’m an INFP and moonlight sonata is my go-to sing to play on the piano when I really want to “feel” the emotion and connection of what I’m playing. Sometimes I like to practice the piano with drills. I’m not emotionally connected at the time but I like the thought of improving and making myself better.
I have found the best way to get out of my head is dancing. Especially partner dancing. Moving my body, having someone hold me and feeling the music help me tap into the hear and now of a complete sensory experience!
Meditation and spending some quiet, high quality time with a very close friend. Someone who makes you feel like yourself because you don’t have to put a mask on around them. Spending some time with one person like that always helps me to find my balance and makes me feel grounded. But not too much time, though 😀 a couple of hours a week are enough 😀
This is so much me, I am shocked. I’m sending this to me husband so he can better understand me. Thanks!!
I’d like to say I do not think MBTI can describe me, but the funny thing is one recent test remarked me again ‘you are still INFP type’ so… it seems one’s character is hardly changeable… There are always battles in my head like, I want to be alone but don’t want to be lonely, and it is hard to tell the people next to me ‘I like you but let me be alone and it is nothing personal.’ I thought that the best solution is going to somewhere never have been and being anonymous… well, I thanks for the tips above. One thing made me feel like quite…well….I got it. Lol. Thanks again.
Just completely spot on from all different sights. I love that you mentioned that we hate liars/ING or manipulators/ING.. Others say we manipulate which had me so confused that I must be another type as I really dispise being manipulated or lied to, specifically serious matters.
I was looking on how to relieve stress and you have every thing that I usually do to get rid of stress Amazing… Thankyou so much. I cannot say how much I appreciate the time, effort, understanding and honesty you have put into your articles.
I am happy to say that I will be working on understanding my partner who is an Infj with your website.
We have had some rough patches as he is very private which gets me thinking too much and it hurt me when he was calling me names that I began getting ‘in the grip’ mode out of not understanding.
I began making acussations out of shock from his changed character, which made me then feel guilty ;him angrier and us going in circles.
Now I have a better understanding that he isn’t necessarily hiding from me or doesn’t want to spend time with me.. Just some space. I feel I can breath and not feel guilty for taking time out myself to heal.
We seem to be cooperating better.
Sorry for such an essay… I’m just genuinely so thankful for you and you having shared your passion ?
Been really struggling to understand my husband. I am one to “fix” things and he has consistently tested as an INFP. His company even had a corporate psychologist work with all the managers at a retreat and still INFP, but he’s an engineer (high IQ) and works as a quality manager at a high level. He is certainly stressed. I have thought him to be an INTP, but he relates to the INFP more anyway. I’m here reading about stress, right and I can’t be something that I am not, but that makes for a challenge. I want good for him, but does that mean – too bad for him? We are in our 40s. Both of us accepting ourselves as we are, trying to let go of gender roles we were raised with, but I think he has expectations on me to “be” more female and I’m stressed too because I have spent my entire life trying to “be” correct (though still failing cuz we do tend to, you know “prefer”). If he is truly INFP this new promotion might just eat him up. At least the 2 of is are introverted, but with Te I seem to (as per above) be pushing stress triggers in my attempts to being helpful. He wants to change his career and now I wonder if he truly needs to. But to what? His entire life has been directed to engineering. . . And while i certainly could take the lead in family income, i have not developed my career for the raising of children (my greatest stress trigger). So we each took the “gender” expected path in life and each is kind of stuck. Sigh. The answer, the correct or right path has not become clear, I know with time I will “know” what that is, but I think understanding how actual function is required for me to “see” it.
It’s so many years in chronic stress. He doesn’t know his function. I suppose we could do a course, but as per the listed triggers, I’m supposed to essentially stay out of it, correct? I
He’s an istp
As an infp, relaxation or remedial massage is vital for me. I “switch off” and completely zone out.
How can an INFP excel in mathematics/science eg computer science field?
Which will constantly require to use Te directly!?
What about times when a close family member or friend is going through a crisis and I’m feeling upset over what is happening to them? And when I’m feeling upset either over stress I’m feeling about a situation or another person’s situation, I take a deep breath and write down how I’m going to handle it because my routine is upset.
I am so glad I found this article. I have been experiencing some Grip stress at work – and daily stress of just a lot of people in my home that seem to be extroverted and need my attention lately. Taking a bath, which I really love to do, is out of the question with one bathroom and 5 people in the home. I journal a lot, but have not found freedom to even do that, I am continuously interrupted. What I have found, is going out and shoveling snow after the blizzard last week – with the techno music turned up in my headphones!! No one else was anxious to shovel, I was outside getting physical activity, with nature, alone, alone, alone!!! It was nice. : D
I’m so sorry you feel like you can’t get any privacy in your home! As a mom of five, I totally understand your predicament. I love how you used the chance to shovel snow to get some peace of mind. This is such an excellent suggestion! I hope that you experience less grip stress in the near future!
Have recently discovered I’m INFP AND that writing/journaling until I get a visual on what I am thinking- which happens AS I write…is so therapeutic!! I didn’t know I could write poetry either – my poems are from the place I don’t even see in my heart until I begin writing them. Then I’m all amazed I finally have the words to the feelings that were in me. So lovely !! And they rhyme lol ( not sure what is meant by “what website” down below )