Do you ever feel like your flirting methods are falling flat with the person you’re interested in? What will entice one person might annoy another, so learning what NOT to do with each personality type can be a huge help. In this article, we’ll explore the flirting behaviors to avoid so your dating life can be more fun and less embarrassing!
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Table of contents
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
Don’t hover around them, text too frequently, or talk about commitments, plans, and how much you daydream about wedded bliss. These types are scared off by people seeking hasty commitments, and they won’t even think of things like marriage until they’ve established a great deal of trust in an already-working relationship.
Don’t gripe and moan about how badly you want a relationship and how much single life totally sucks. Desperation and neediness are two things that this type avoids like the plague. If you’re trying to drop them hints by venting about single life while eyeing them coyly, you’re more than likely going to be ignored rather than pursued.
If you’re trying to win them over by flashing around your money or bragging about your high-end job or your fancy car, think again. These types will believe you are a snob and won’t be impressed. Read some Kierkegaard, volunteer for a charity, spend some time reading to dogs at the library – then come back and try again.
Is playing hard to get your method of flirting? If so, you might be waiting for a long time. Taking hours to respond to a text or eyeing them mysteriously from the corner of the room will only make them assume that you’re not interested. These types don’t pursue people who don’t give them any signs that attraction is in the air.
If your method of flirting involves teasing, poking fun, or putting them down – you might want to put a halt to that FAST. These types will just think you’re a bully. Some people flirt by insulting and negging other people, believing that by doing so, they’ll be thrown off guard just enough to become interested. This won’t work for ENFJs. Considerate, transparent connection and expression is much more intriguing to them.
Don’t try to get their attention by giving other people attention in an attempt to make them jealous. If you want to make them work harder for you, you’ll be sorely disappointed. They’ll just assume you’re interested in someone else and move on.
If you’re trying to flirt with an INFJ by staring at them from across the room, they’re more likely to think that they’ve got food stuck in their teeth than reciprocate your attention. In fact, you’re probably making them uncomfortable, and they’ll try to find their nearest exit to escape your line of vision.
If you’re flirting with an INTJ by showing huge emotional displays and trying to make them your “rescuer,” then, by all means, stop. This will put them on edge more than attract them. It’s okay to have emotional moments, but if you’re trying to seem frail or victim-like to get attention, the INTJ is not your man (or woman).
Don’t talk about the bygone days when people took relationships more seriously. Definitely don’t go onto long tirades about how traditional roles have deteriorated, and women or men need to back to the way things used to be. ESFPs despise cookie-cutter roles and boxes that other people might try to squeeze them into. Statements like these can be the kiss of death in your friendship or relationship.
If your flirting style is more subtle and polite, you’ll run the risk of an ESTP thinking you’re just looking for friendship, and you treat everyone that way. Don’t expect them to get the hint by asking simple questions like, “How was your day?” or holding the door open. Show more interest and be bolder!
If you’re trying to win over an ISFP by pretending to be more fascinated by their interests than you actually are, watch out! These types are quick to spot phony behavior – and they hate it. They don’t want to be with anyone who is trying to play a part to win their heart. They want the real deal – if you’re a decent person, that is.
Don’t seem overly imposing or eager if you’re trying to win over this type. If you like them, come right out and say it – but don’t stare, follow them around, or laugh at jokes that you don’t think are funny. Definitely don’t overwhelm them with texts or phone calls. Be clear about your feelings, be understanding if they feel differently or the same, and show confidence by just being yourself!
If your idea of flirting is touching and making a lot of sexual comments, you might want to slow it down. While these types enjoy romance as much as the next person, they tend to move slowly, waiting until there is some security and trust in the relationship before getting physical. Being too forward right away will give them the impression that you’re a player – and they are typically not into that.
If sexting and sending revealing photos is your way of flirting, then you might want to put on the brakes. While ESTJs like people who get to the point, they also tend to avoid people who lack a sense of propriety. Show that you have some sensible caution before you start dating, and they’ll respect you more. Be polite, down-to-earth, and sincere about your feelings (but save the more provocative ones till later).
Is your version of flirting teasing and making sarcastic comments? While that might work for some types, it can put ISFJs on edge. They’ll probably just assume that you hate them.
If your method of flirting involves giving someone cutesy nicknames and appearing over-eager, (for example, replying “HAHAHA LMAO!!! Ur so funny!!!” in response to a minor joke) then best to pursue someone else. ISTJs will just want to avoid you. Also, don’t misspell words.
What Are Your Thoughts?
What is the worst flirting experience you’ve encountered? What tips would you give to people wanting to flirt with you? Let us know in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
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