Today we’re going to explore the ideal dating experiences of each personality type. Whether you’re asking someone out for the first time or you’re celebrating your 50th anniversary, these tips can improve the quality of your dating experiences!
Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire!
Table of contents
- Tips to Remember When Dating Each Personality Type (Based on Preference):
- The Ideal Dating Experiences of Each Personality Type
Tips to Remember When Dating Each Personality Type (Based on Preference):
These types crave up-front, open communication. Don’t be afraid to tell them what you think or express your wants and needs. In relationship problems, extroverts want to talk things out and deal with the problem right away. They can typically handle more noise and action on a date (and sometimes prefer it!)
These types will generally prefer quieter surroundings without a lot of distractions. One-on-one communication is vital to them. They may need to ruminate about relationship issues before talking about them openly, and they will need more time to think before answering questions. A lot of commotion, noise, and unexpected interruption can throw these types off.
These types tend to be very literal, specific, and linear in their communication. They might get bored if the conversation revolves around purely abstract or philosophical topics for most of the date. While they can enjoy these topics in small spurts, they tend to focus more on the experiences, details, and interactions of life. If relationship issues arise, they like to deal with them in very specific, literal ways. They like direct, straightforward communication and abhor mind-games or generalizations.
These types tend to speak in analogies, metaphors, and more roundabout statements. They might get bored with a conversation that revolves completely around concrete experiences and details. While they can enjoy these topics in moderation, they also want to discuss philosophies, abstract ideas, and theoretical possibilities. When relationship issues arise, they tend to focus on the big picture and the implications of the current problem. They appreciate people who can switch perspectives, imagine, and theorize with them. They struggle when dealing with people who get so sidetracked by the details that they can’t see the big picture.
Thinking types like direct, straightforward communication. If you have a problem with them TELL THEM. They dislike secrecy, the “silent treatment,” or any kind of emotional manipulation. They also tend to get overwhelmed by a lot of emotional turbulence. They want to solve problems logically and can sometimes struggle to get into their partner’s shoes. This doesn’t mean they don’t care.
Feeling types appreciate courtesy and compassion a great deal. If you have a problem with them they want to know, but they also want reassurance of your feelings for them (if you have them). They tend to get overwhelmed by a lot of criticism if there aren’t any words of affirmation to balance it out. They enjoy playing “getting to know you” games and they crave intimate, emotionally open conversation.
With judging types, it’s essential to respect their time and energy. If you say you’re going to be somewhere at a certain time, be sure to be there at that time. They want clarity on where the relationship is going. At the end of the date let them know what you have in mind – are you looking for something serious? Do you just want something casual? Tell them! Don’t make them play guessing games –they detest that.
Perceivers: With perceivers, it’s essential to respect their freedom and space. Don’t pressure them to make decisions or commitments too quickly, and give them opportunities to be spontaneous! Let them make their own choices about meals, don’t try to control them, and remember that they like an element of surprise! Keep in mind that they can get anxious if they feel like their options are being limited.
The Ideal Dating Experiences of Each Personality Type
You love surprises and spontaneity, and this reflects in your ideal date. To you, the perfect date would involve hopping a plane to Brazil or eating at your town’s weirdest restaurant while discussing philosophy, business ventures, and your ideas for the future. Afterward, you’d go stargazing, get some canvases and paint the sunset, or make pancakes and eat breakfast at midnight. Deep conversation, authentic self-expression, and a sense of adventure are all things that make a date fun for you.
You love a mental challenge in and outside of your dating life. For you, the ideal date would involve conversation that opens your mind to new possibilities and ideas. Friendly debate, in-depth discussions, problem-solving, and idea-generating are all things that get you excited. At the same time, you’re not devoid of a sentimental side. You find someone who can mentally spar with you exciting, but you also enjoy spontaneous romantic excursions. Weekend getaways, wine-tastings, afternoon picnics by the lake – all these things can make you feel enraptured. The goal for you is to find someone who dreams big, challenges you to be better and is emotionally open and sincere.
You crave emotional honesty and depth in your dating life. You want your experiences to be filled with imagination, purpose, and authenticity. Whether you peruse the shelves of your local library and discuss your favorite stories or wander an art museum and point out your favorite pictures- getting glimpses into someone else’s soul excites you. You also enjoy dates that have a personal meaning to you – like reading to dogs at an animal shelter, helping out at a soup kitchen, or shoveling snow for an elderly couple. A mixture of meaning and intimacy makes dating life exciting for you.
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You crave a date that sparks your imagination and involves some creativity. Discussing ideas over coffee or competing with your date at a board-game café can all spark your sense of fun. You tend to be on the quiet side, so you appreciate a date who is considerate, warm, and understanding to balance out your more reserved nature. Long walks discussing your dreams and ambitions, afternoons at the library perusing books together, movie nights with snacks and snuggles – these low-key but intimate experiences are the kinds of dates that warm your heart.
You crave a dating experience that is filled with authenticity, depth, and meaning. You want to gaze at the stars and explore the mystery of the human mind. You want to understand your partner on a meaningful, in-depth level. You also have a sense of adventure that comes out in your dating life – a midnight dip in the pool or an impromptu excursion to a haunted house can all be exciting for you. Especially if there’s lots of snuggling and laughter involved afterward.
Visionary, rational, and intellectual – you want a date that will mentally inspire you. Whether you’re discussing philosophy over a game of chess, arguing religion over a cup of coffee, or trying some new recreational activity you’ve never done – you want to do something that doesn’t seem “safe” or traditional. You want to be with someone who stands for something, someone who has firm values and a sense of authenticity in everything they do. The last thing you want is something shallow, formal, and “normal.”
Kindness, imagination, authenticity – these are three things you highly value in a romantic interest. An ideal date for you would be in a quiet, tranquil atmosphere. A library, a garden, or a hole-in-the-wall local eatery. In these quiet surroundings, you’d gradually ease your way into emotional openness and the more philosophical aspects of life. Maybe you’d figure out each other’s love languages, personality types, or enneagram types. The conversation would seem like it had only been five minutes, but it would have lasted for hours.
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A quiet walk hand-in-hand, a lecture by a favorite teacher, a tranquil night in reading side-by-side. For you, the perfect date is a combination of intimacy and exploration. Whether you’re learning something new together or sharing your love of Charles Dickens over a mug of hot apple cider, you want to have an experience that that broadens your perspective on life. You want to leave a date feeling like you learned something new, that your mind was stimulated by something intellectually exciting, or that you spent time with someone who was honest and interested in the deeper aspects of life. Quiet surroundings, sincere, in-depth conversation, a sense of growth and authenticity – these are vital to your dating happiness.
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Your sense of adventure knows no bounds – especially when it comes to the world of dating. You want an experience that surprises and exhilarates you. Whether you’re attending a music festival, skydiving, or trying the weirdest restaurant in town, you crave something fun and novel. On top of your adventurous spirit, you desire a sincere, considerate, respectful interaction. You don’t want to waste time on someone who is overly-pushy, intrusive, or gives off the slightest hint of being manipulative. You learn to trust by sharing experiences and time with someone. While you might seem open and enthusiastic, you usually don’t share your deeper self until a great deal of trust has been established.
Active, fun-loving, and spontaneous – you’re someone who craves a bit of excitement and adventure on your date. Whether you’re playing paintball, attending a concert, or going to a wine-tasting – getting your senses involved is a must. You want to get (and give) an experience worth remembering. You enjoy romance with a “rough” edge – for example, hiking a steep mountain and ending the night with a bonfire, marshmallows, and making out. You want to date someone who is more worried about having fun than messing up their hair. Someone who knows how to laugh and doesn’t take themselves too seriously is also vital.
Compassionate, realistic, and fun-loving – you’re someone who craves a meaningful but relaxed date. Whether you’re going bowling, holding hands at a movie, or canoeing – you enjoy having a chance to talk and get to know each other without a lot of pressure to make an instant connection. Having bits of activity mixed with quiet moments to really converse is important to you. You’re looking for someone who has similar values to your own – someone who stands for something more than just having a good time or getting a good make-out session. You’re also looking for a memorable experience – good food, good music, or an entertaining story in a peaceful, low-key environment.
Intellectual, fun-loving, adventurous – as an ISTP you crave a date that gives you a bit of a thrill. Zip-lining, skydiving, hopping on a train to a distant location. These kinds of things give you a thrill and let you know your date in a whole new and exciting way. That said, you’re still an introvert and an ideal date can’t always begin with an adventure as intense as these ones. Challenging your mental faculties at a board game café, taking a canoe out on the lake, or getting to know your date while hiking through the mountains – any of these excursions would excite you. You enjoy a mixture of recreation and quiet time to get to know your date in a personal way. Dinner-and-a-movie can feel too formal or awkward for you initially – those kinds of dates are better enjoyed when you’ve already developed a comfort level with the person you’re seeing. Otherwise awkward silences and forced conversation can become the only activity of the evening.
You like a little bit of tradition and a little bit of adventure on your dates. Dinner and a movie is a classic favorite that allows you to get to know your date up-close while enjoying a tasty meal. But when that’s all done, a night under the stars, a horseback ride, or an afternoon at the beach can all give you a taste of adventure and romance. You enjoy the comfort of age-old dating rituals – you appreciate someone who is courteous, polite, and has an old-fashioned sense of respect and propriety. But you also enjoy an element of surprise as well – trying new food, touring your town and visiting places you’ve never gone to before – these kinds of things can be an exciting twist to your dating experience. Most importantly, you crave open, authentic, respectful communication, kind/non-pushy interactions, and a clear idea of what your date is hoping for after your date.
Down-to-earth, courteous, and intellectual – you crave a date that allows you to get to know someone without a lot of distractions and chaos in the background (i.e. avoid a loud rock concert on the first date). A quiet coffee shop, a stroll through the local zoo, or a walk along the beach can all be quiet, enjoyable ways to get to know someone deeply. You want to get a glimpse of someone’s character on a date. You want a clear sense of their expectations and an idea of their level of integrity. While you have to resist the urge to turn your date into a job interview, you enjoy shared, honest, straightforward communication. Games, manipulation tactics, and any kind of phoniness will instantly turn you off. As you get to know someone better you enjoy dates that have an element of adventure or luxury – going whitewater rafting, attending the opera, or getting a couples massage are all ways you can add romantic memories to your mental relationship “video reel.”
Compassionate, gentle, and grounded – you crave good old-fashioned courtesy and romance on the first date. Did your date show kindness to you and the people around them? Were they respectful when they said goodbye or did they get pushy about more physical interaction? Did they seem attentive, or were they distracted by their Smartphone? You’re someone who pays attention to how reliable or trustworthy a romantic interest might be. Any sign of dishonesty or aggressive behavior and you’ll quickly shut the door. An ideal date for you is filled with meaningful, thoughtful conversation and quiet surroundings. Perusing a library is a favorite choice for ISFJs – you enjoy getting the chance to know someone’s literary tastes because this gives you a glimpse into their character as well. If you know someone well, a quiet evening at home reading together or preparing a meal is a cozy, romantic option.
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When it comes to dating life you tend to be on the traditional side. Dinner and a movie is a classic for a reason – it allows you to get to know each other during dinner and then evaluate your feelings about the relationship during the movie! You crave a connection with your date that is sincere, meaningful, and forthcoming. You want to have a very clear idea of the kind of person your romantic interest is before the date is done. Were they drinking too much? Did they seem secretive or manipulative? You want to be with someone who is courteous to the people around them, clear about their needs, and has a sense of imagination to balance out your pragmatic mindset.
Not sure what your personality type is? Take our free test now to find out your type!
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What Are Your Thoughts?
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Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
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