Flirting is an intricate art that can either draw two people closer romantically or can make both people feel awkward and foolish. It’s a game of attraction, and many love to play it. But like everything else in life, flirting too has its own rules, its own language, and its own style. And when it comes to personality types, every individual has their unique way of expressing their interest in someone. In this blog, we’ll decode the flirting style of each Myers-Briggs® personality type and delve deep into how their cognitive functions come into play while in flirtation mode. So, let’s dive right in!
The Flirting Style of the Myers-Briggs® Personality Types
The emotionally attuned ESFJ is the perfect mix of thoughtful and fun. They aim to please their crushes through charming and warm-hearted banter. ESFJs tend to have social finesse and will usually smile readily and make strong eye contact. They love witty conversations and will look for ways to be generous and supportive.
Not ones to stay quiet when they have something to say, ESFJs will make sure their presence is felt in a room and enjoy flirting with someone who can keep up with them. They love to compliment and make people feel appreciated, noticing details about people and bringing them to light in a positive way. They are also great at reading body language, which helps them gauge whether the person they are interested in is responding positively to them.
ESFJ Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Extraverted Feeling: Notices the emotions and comfort-level of the person they are flirting with. Easily generates a “vibe” and a sense of warmth and rapport. Looks for ways to offer emotional support.
Introverted Sensing: Pays attention to tangible details and points them out in a favorable way (“Your necklace really brings out your eyes!”). Enjoys creating routines and traditions with their loved ones and may connect through reminiscing about favorite memories.
Extraverted Intuition: Uses playful humor and draws random connections to bring silliness and creativity into the flirting experience.
Introverted Thinking: May occasionally over-analyze the situation afterwards and think about inconsistencies or incorrect assumptions in the flirting experience. During stress, they may appear more detached and critical of themselves and others.
Get a deeper look: The Flirting Style of the ESFJ Personality Type
The ESTJ is a more straightforward flirt who prefers to express their interest in a clear and unambiguous way. They are often confident and assertive, which makes them great at taking the lead and showing their interest with ease.
Although ESTJs are known for their no-nonsense, logical approach, they can turn on the humor and friendliness when it comes to flirting. They have a lot of enthusiasm for experiences they can share with their dates, and can show a more spontaneous side in the dating game – coming up with weekend excursions and activities on the fly.
ESTJ Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Extraverted Thinking: Approaches flirting in a direct but friendly way, making sure that their intent is clear and unambiguous. Notices logical inconsistencies and speaks their mind frankly.
Introverted Sensing: Tends to stick to tried-and-true methods of flirting and notices details that they can point out in a complimentary way. Relies on traditional romantic gestures, such as politeness and formality. May connect romantically by sharing stories from their past.
Extraverted Intuition: Uses playful or random humor to lighten the mood and make things more fun. May show a more adventurous, creative side when comfortable enough to be vulnerable.
Introverted Feeling: Considers how the other person’s responses are making them feel, and what kind of values seem to be present and whether those values align with their own. When extremely stressed, may become overwhelmed by their emotions and pull away from people.
ENFJs are known for their natural charisma and caring demeanor, along with their love of interpersonal dynamics. Their attention is focused on others, and this quality can sometimes come across as more flirtatious than intended. However, even when not actively flirting, ENFJs still exude an attractive and engaging energy that draws people towards them.
ENFJs enjoy the emotional interplay of flirting, especially if it can lead do discussions that are intimate and full of novel and deep discoveries. At the same time, they know how to have fun and integrate some humor into the situation. They can easily read people and detect their comfort levels, and orchestrate the mood, using humor and insight to create a memorable experience for themselves and their partner.
ENFJ Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Extraverted Feeling: Notices and reflects the other person’s emotions and picks up on their energy, adapting their flirting style accordingly. Pays attention to shared values.
Introverted Intuition: Uses metaphors and insights as conversation starters that can quickly lead into deeper topics of exchange.
Extraverted Sensing: Enjoys engaging in physical activities to have fun and build closer connections. Notices the physical details and body language of their partner.
Introverted Thinking: Quickly understands the principles of human behavior but may over-analyze the accuracy of what they’re saying, particularly after the exchange. During extreme stress, they may become hyper-critical of themselves and retreat into a more introverted space.
ENTJs flirt in a very assertive, intense way. They make eye contact, express their desires or plans frankly (“I think you’ll want to leave this party with me”) and make an impression. To some, their intense energy can be intimidating. But to others it’s deeply compelling. They are at their best when playing the game of attraction with someone who can match them intellectually – they love intellectual discovery and deep conversations with a good bit of innuendo thrown in to spice things up.
ENTJs also know how to make sure that their presence is felt in the room; they are usually great conversationalists and often take on a more dominant role in flirting. They don’t mind taking risks or trying out new approaches to get the other person’s attention.
ENTJ Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Extraverted Thinking: Uses their assertiveness and confidence to make sure that their intentions are known. Takes action to get the person’s attention. Notices logical inconsistencies and speaks their mind frankly.
Introverted Intuition: Looks for insights into the other person’s perspective. Reads between the lines and enjoys driving conversation towards a deeper, more intense territory.
Extraverted Sensing: Knows how to bring an exciting physical energy into the interaction, such as through touch or flirtatious body language.
Introverted Feeling: Occasionally checks in with their values to determine if they’re aligning with their personal moral code. Notices how authentic their partner is being. During times of extreme stress, may retreat into their feelings.
Discover more about the ENTJ: The Flirting Style of the ENTJ Personality Type
When an ESFP feels an authentic connection with someone, they can easily turn on the charm and get the sparks flying. They enjoy engaging in playful banter, as well as finding new ways to explore physical contact and fun experiences with their partner. They’re great at reading people’s intentions, which helps them determine if the other person is reciprocating their interest or not or fits with their values.
ESFPs love making connections through humor, storytelling, and games – they are always looking for ways to make the interaction more immersive and exciting. They also have an eye for detail and may point out attractive features of their partner to enhance the experience even further (e.g., “Your eyes sparkle when you talk about that!”). Sitting around having deep discussions will likely be less interesting to this partner than actually doing something. If you want to talk to an ESFP, come up with a fun activity you can both participate in while talking.
ESFP Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Extraverted Sensing: Observes their partner’s physical features and body language to get clues into their comfort level and desires. Looks for immersive physical experiences and adventures they can share.
Introverted Feeling: Embraces authenticity and values honesty and sincerity. Looks for a connection that is based on genuine feelings – not just attraction. Notices motives.
Extraverted Thinking: Can be surprisingly direct when they know what they want. Can quickly come up with a plan or outline for an exciting date.
Introverted Intuition: May get a sudden insight into the future of their relationship or, during times of stress, may be paranoid that their relationship is doomed.
Probably one of the most flirtatious personality types, ESTPs are not afraid to show their interest in someone with direct and often bold moves. They’re excellent at reading body language and they know how to send out the right signals that will make them stand out from the crowd.
ESTPs also enjoy flirting as a game, making it both playful and competitive. They may use humor, eye contact, and enthusiasm to get the other person’s attention, sometimes even taking risks in order to do so – all in the name of fun! They’re very observant and can easily pick up on social cues that indicate whether their advances are being welcomed or not.
ESTP Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Extraverted Sensing: Responsive to physical contact and body language. Looks for opportunities for fun and excitement.
Introverted Thinking: Can use wordplay and blunt honesty in a way that is disarming and witty.
Extraverted Feeling: Knows how to read people’s energy and moods, adapting their flirting style accordingly.
Introverted Intuition: May get sudden hunches about the person or relationship they are pursuing and follow those hunches. During times of stress, may become paranoid about the state of the relationship or its demise.
Discover more about ESTPs: The Flirting Style of the ESTP Personality Type
People with the ENFP personality type are known for their creativity, playfulness, and imagination. They strive for authenticity and yearn for profound meaning and discovery. Through flirtation, they enjoy the chance to discover new possibilities and form new connections. ENFPs excel at making their significant others feel valued by highlighting their distinctive qualities that set them apart from others.
Another way that ENFPs express their flirtatious side is by coming up with creative and unusual ideas for fun and connection. Novelty appeals to them and getting into an unpredictable situation with a romantic interest can be tempting for this type. Maybe they’ll flirt with someone and wind up taking that person on an impromptu road trip to the Grand Canyon. Or maybe they’ll sign up for a spontaneous skydiving session at midnight. But even if things don’t go as planned, ENFPs usually find a way to turn it into something fun and worthwhile.
ENFP Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Extraverted Intuition: Finds creative ways to flirt, often using humor to loosen their partner up. Uses flirting as a way to make the environment fun, but may also use it as a way to explore possibilities and exciting conceptual discoveries.
Introverted Feeling: Aims to make their partner feel special by focusing on what makes them unique and different from the crowd. Notices intentions and motivations.
Extraverted Thinking: Can be bold and directive at moments, making quick plans and taking charge when situations seem to be going nowhere.
Introverted Sensing: May be drawn to people who remind them of someone favorable from their past. May have moments of favoring traditional relationship expectations. At times, may feel caged in by traditional expectations or the predictability of the relationship.
Find out more about ENFPs: The Flirting Style of the ENFP Personality Type
ENTPs are often master flirts who bring a lot of wit and energy into the interaction. They love playing mind games, testing people to see how far they can push them before they get a laugh or a phone number or dance. This type of flirtation often starts off slow but can quickly accelerate if both parties are enjoying it. ENTPs don’t like to be bored and will try different tactics to keep things interesting, such as using wordplay, proposing a novel activity, or teasing their partner just enough to keep them on their toes.
At times, ENTPs may seem a bit too intellectual for some people’s tastes – they’re constantly looking for ways to explore ideas and concepts, even when simply trying to make a connection with a romantic interest. However, this can be a great way for them to make strong, meaningful relationships if they find someone who is also eager to explore and learn.
ENTP Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Extraverted Intuition: Comes up with creative, outside-the-box ideas and brings quirky humor to the forefront. Uses flirting as a way to play with possibilities, connections, and ideas.
Introverted Thinking: Uses wordplay and intellectual sparring as flirting tactics. May surprise their partner with their radical honesty.
Extraverted Feeling: Makes sure that everyone is comfortable and understood during the interaction, often using humor or light teasing as a way of loosening people up.
Introverted Sensing: May connect by swapping stories from their past with someone. May be drawn to people who remind them of someone favorable from their past. During stress, can feel caged in by traditional expectations or predictability in relationships.
Discover more about ENTPs: The Flirting Style of the ENTP Personality Type
The ISFJ is a gentle and understated flirt, preferring to show their interest through small acts of care and devotion. Often they are shy at first, flirting only if they feel a great degree of comfort. Initially, they may simply laugh, smile, and make eye contact with a romantic interest. At other times they may bring up their partner’s unique interests, stories they recall from the past, or wax nostalgic about memories they have shared. They are attentive and thoughtful, aiming to anticipate the emotional needs of the person they are interested in.
When ISFJs are in a relationship, flirting comes more naturally. Once they have developed a degree of comfort, security, and stability with a person, they can be surprisingly witty and playful. They have a great capacity for both physical and emotional closeness, and often strive to make their partners feel special, “seen”, and appreciated.
ISFJ Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Introverted Sensing: Pays attention to the consistency of the other person or whether or not that person is similar to anyone they have past experience with. Deeply enjoys creating routines and traditions with their partner or reminiscing with them.
Extraverted Feeling: Uses gentle words, caring gestures, and small acts of service to show interest and devotion. Aims to make sure that everyone is comfortable and understood during the interaction.
Introverted Thinking: Analyzes a partner’s behavior to determine their level of interest and compatibility. Notices logical inconsistencies.
Extraverted Intuition: May come up with creative ways to flirt, and when comfortable may use imaginative humor or playfulness as a way to break the ice. During stressful moments, may hypothesize about all the ways the relationship is going to fail.
Discover more about ISFJs: The Flirting Style of the ISFJ Personality Type
ISTJs aren’t typically very flirtatious, but may have little spurts of flirtatious energy when they feel very relaxed and comfortable. Rather, ISTJs are grounded and practical, and can struggle to come up with retorts to playful flirty banter. ISTJs are often quite protective of their emotions, guarded about sharing too much of themselves with someone new.
When they do open up, however, ISTJs can be surprisingly devoted and thoughtful partners who will go to great lengths to show how serious and genuine they are about the relationship. They will pay attention to the little details that make their partner happy and comfortable, and will strive to create an environment of trust and security. May use nostalgic reminiscing as a way to connect with their partner over shared memories and experiences.
ISTJ Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Introverted Sensing: Notices physical features, body language, and the consistency of their partner. Remembers information from previous conversations and pays attention to small details. May use nostalgic reminiscing as a way to connect with their partner over shared memories and experiences.
Extraverted Thinking: Makes logical decisions and is direct about what they want or don’t want. May weigh the pros and cons to determine if the person flirting with them would be a viable partner. Notices logical inconsistencies and may struggle to get caught up in the “playfulness” of flirting.
Introverted Feeling: Creates an atmosphere of trust, security, and stability by being consistent in their behavior and values. Notices underlying motives and levels of authenticity.
Extraverted Intuition: May come up with creative, outside-the-box ideas for flirting or making a connection, though this type of behavior is often not their strong suit. At times of stress, may become worried about all the ways they may be failing at their relationship or all the ways it is doomed to fail.
Discover more about ISTJs: The Flirting Style of the ISTJ Personality Type
The INFJ is a very private person and may not always broadcast their feelings right away. They prefer to take time getting to know someone before they open up, and may find the initial phases of flirting awkward or uncomfortable. If they don’t know someone well, they may be put off by intense flirting because it lacks a genuine connection or foundation.
Once they have developed trust with someone, INFJs can be surprisingly playful, creative, and romantic in the way they express themselves. They may come up with creative ideas for dates or pick out symbolic gifts that show how well they understand the interests and values of their partner. As intuitives, INFJs look for insights into their partner’s way of thinking and can easily shift perspectives to empathize with their partner’s emotions. Flirting may start playful and innocent and then delve into deep, soul-bearing conversations.
INFJ Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Introverted Intuition: Reads between the lines and looks for insights or epiphanies about their partner or the relationship. Gives the INFJ a gently probing demeanor and a taste for depth that leads the flirting into more intense, philosophical territory.
Extraverted Feeling: Uses humor or teasing as a way of easing the tension during awkward flirtations. Notices if their partner is feeling uncomfortable or stressed, and adjusts their approach accordingly. When in a relationship, strives to make sure their partner feels special and appreciated.
Introverted Thinking: Analyzes a situation logically to determine what would be an appropriate response or action. Notices logical inconsistencies or any potential red flags with their partner.
Extraverted Sensing: Notices physical features and body language. Pays attention to the physical environment, perhaps suggesting a romantic gesture or activity that would be special for both of them. During times of stress, may feel overwhelmed by sensory stimuli coming their way or spontaneous flirting they aren’t prepared for.
Discover more about INFJs: The Flirting Style of the INFJ Personality Type
INTJs can see romantic playfulness or sexually charged innuendos overwhelming or confusing at first. They are usually more direct about their interest in someone, believing that straightforward honesty is the best policy. However, when they’ve developed a level of certainty and security in the relationship, they can have occasional moments of witty banter, often using intellectual humor to break the ice. For the INTJ, an intellectual debate can lead to heated and passionate romance more effectively than making eyes across a crowded room or joking around and game-playing.
INTJs take a long-term view when it comes to romance, and may not be in any hurry to jump into a short-lived fling. They are picky about who they open up to, but once they have decided that someone is worth their time and attention, they can become quite loyal and devoted partners. INTJs rely on their insight and intuition when it comes to understanding their partner’s feelings, and will often try to figure out the psychological world their partner is living in so they can communicate more effectively with them.
INTJ Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Introverted Intuition: Trusts their insights and hunches when it comes to potential partners. Considers the long-term potential of the relationship. Craves connection over abstract subjects and may bond by getting into deep, conceptual territory.
Extraverted Thinking: Takes a rational and directive approach to flirting. They may simply say “Let’s get out of here” or state their feelings unambiguously to avoid confusion and inefficiency.
Introverted Feeling: Notices subtle cues from their partner that reveal their underlying feelings and motives. Strives to be authentic and values authenticity in their partner.
Extraverted Sensing: Takes in information about the physical environment and notices body language. May occasionally pursue sensory-rich experiences with their partner like dancing, cooking together, or giving each other massages. At other times, they may feel overwhelmed by the sensory world and feel frustrated by unexpected advances they are expected to respond to on the spot.
Find out more about INTJs: 10 Things People Misunderstand About INTJs
Once ISFPs become comfortable, they can show their flirtatious side. But initially they tend to appear stand-offish and cool, emanating mystery and a sense that they know more than they’re letting on. However, with time, they will become more outgoing and show their playful and relaxed personalities. Their flirting style often shows up in surprising humor (ISFPs never want to be predictable), subtle touches, and attention to physical details they like about you.
For the ISFP, knowing their partner’s motivations and values is a crucial part of understanding and connecting. They can be hesitant to start flirting with someone that they don’t feel an immediate strong connection to, as they rely on their instincts to guide them. If they don’t know what a person stands for or how honest they’re being, they’re unlikely to want to pursue them.
ISFP Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Introverted Feeling: Looks for underlying motivations and emotions as well as authenticity. Thinks about the inner emotional impact of the experience they’re having. Connects by talking about values and likes or dislikes.
Extraverted Sensing: Seeks out sensory experiences and is highly attuned to details. Notices physical features they like about their partner and reads their body language.
Introverted Intuition: Considers the potential of a relationship and trusts hunches. They may be hesitant to get too involved until they have an idea of where everything is going.
Extraverted Thinking: Notices logical inconsistencies at times and may be direct and no-nonsense occasionally. During times of stress, they may appear more critical and cynical, finding fault and getting annoyed by leaps in logic.
Find out more about ISFPs: How ISFPs Say “I Love You”
ISTPs are varied in their approach to flirting. Some shun it entirely and simply speak their minds bluntly, believing that beating around the bush will only confuse things. They enjoy getting to know people through shared experiences, so they may simply ask you to do an activity with them like go on a hike or check out a new restaurant.
Other ISTPs are more playful with flirtation, and enjoy using humor or teasing to disarm people and make them laugh. They may also use touch as an expression of their feelings, brushing your arm when they talk or playfully nudging you. They want to know that you have a sense of humor and a sense of fun – these two qualities are “musts” for the ISTP.
ISTP Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Introverted Thinking: Internally analyzes the situation to assess if the connection is strong enough for them to pursue further. Weighs alternatives before taking action or making commitments. May engage in humorous wordplay, innuendo, or intellectual sparring during the flirting process.
Extraverted Sensing: Notices physical details and body language, taking joy in experiencing the external world. May express affection through touch or exciting sensory activities with their partner.
Introverted Intuition: Considers the potential of the relationship and trusts hunches. May be hesitant to get too involved if they don’t have a strong instinct about the person.
Extraverted Feeling: Strives to understand the other person’s feelings and finds creative ways to make them feel special. During times of stress, may become uncharacteristically emotional or insecure about their relationships.
Find out more about ISTPs: 24 Signs That You’re an ISTP, the Vigilante Personality Type
When INFPs first meet someone, they can often appear distant and aloof. They may seem like they’re lost in their own thoughts or imagination. However, when they become interested in someone, the INFP will be very focused on that person and try to get to know them better through thoughtful conversations, humor, and curiosity. You’ll see this INFP ask more questions about tastes and values, such as, “What are your favorite movies?” or “What do you feel love is?”
The INFP flirting style tends to be creative and imaginative; they love seeing humorous connections between disparate situations and objects. They may find themselves making up stories or jokes to make their partner laugh. INFPs are often attracted to creative people who can match their level of imagination and playfulness. But they also crave depth in a relationship and may use flirtation to bridge into deeper conversations.
INFP Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Introverted Feeling: Looks for underlying motivations and values and asks probing questions to get an understanding of their partner. Considers how the interaction aligns with their values and impacts them emotionally.
Extraverted Intuition: Comes up with seemingly “random” connections that show up in humor and witty banter. Loves to find outside-the-box creative ideas to explore and play with with their partner. Enjoys novelty.
Introverted Sensing: Notices consistency or reliability in their partner. If the partner has a similar history or background, the individual may feel a stronger emotional connection. They may bond over reminiscing about shared memories or by sharing stories from their past.
Extraverted Thinking: Sometimes, this person may notice when something doesn’t make sense and speak frankly. When feeling stressed, they may be more critical and negative, pointing out flaws and becoming frustrated by illogical thinking.
Discover even more about the INFP flirting style: The Flirting Style of the INFP Personality Type
Many INTPs feel a bit unsure in the world of seduction and flirtation. At first they may seem stand-offish and absorbed in their own thoughts. However, once they develop trust with someone, their witty, creative side shows up. They can be very playful in their interactions, using puns and jokes to make their partner smile. They enjoy deep conversations that explore ideas and theories and can find a bit of intellectual sparring exciting and even romantically stimulating.
For the INTP, brainstorming, learning, teaching, and creating are all part of the flirting process. They may become so engrossed in a conversation that they forget to make physical contact or express any kind of physical attraction. Although they are introverts, they will go out of their way to make time for someone if they feel a strong mutual respect and attraction growing.
INTP Cognitive Functions in Flirting:
Introverted Thinking: Analyzes situations and notices logical inconsistencies. May engage in clever wordplay or intellectual sparring to form an attachment.
Extraverted Intuition: Considers possibilities for the future while engaging their partner in intellectual conversations about theories, ideas, and interests. May spin off into dreamy discussions about hypothetical situations or outside-the-box activities that could be done together.
Introverted Sensing: Tries to create traditions and special routines or memories with their partner. Notices consistency and reliability while aiming to be consistent and reliable. May use nostalgia or reminiscing to connect romantically.
Extraverted Feeling: Notices the emotions of their partner and adjusts accordingly. When feeling deeply stressed, they may be more focused on how their words or actions are being interpreted by their partner. They may be uncharacteristically insecure or misinterpret small actions as signs of rejection.
Find out even more about INTP flirting: The Flirting Style of the INTP Personality Type
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