Today I’m going to talk about how ISFJs flirt.
Am I really going there?
Most of us probably think flirting entails coy touches, smooth words, and general confidence when approaching one’s love interest. I’d agree, as it can. It can also look like a whole lot of other things, which plays out in how ISFJs tend to approach their love interests. I note this as ISFJ flirtation is often subtle rather than obvious.
Real helpful for prospective partners.
ISFJs are often fairly bashful when it comes to someone they are interested in, until they get comfortable around them at least. Even just saying “hi” to someone they’re crushing on can feel like a big deal without adamant time spent together beforehand. As ISFJs care so much about how they are perceived, they will have a heightened awareness of body language, verbal responses, and silences. If they like someone, they will hone in on these physical responses that they naturally display. Worry will accompany any advance the ISFJ attempts to make. Of course, ISFJs can make the first move, but they often prefer to be approached first with some sort of relational baseline built over time.
It takes quite a bit of consistency with a person to make an ISFJ feel safe to flirt with someone. For me personally, I need several experiences of making subtle hints at liking someone and without being rejected by them in order to move forward with some further attempt at flirting. ISFJs worry quite a bit about what people think of them, and to imagine that someone they’re interested in doesn’t want to give them a shot can be really rough, which is why consistency comes into play. ISFJs need to have a low-risk threshold when they compliment playfully or touch someone’s arm. I personally need to know that someone likes me back to even try. Thus, having a grounded assurance that feelings are mutual in some regard is usually step one for ISFJs to engage their flirtatious side.
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
The Flirting Style of the ISFJ Personality Type
Playfully Seduce You with Humor
Contrary to popular belief, SJs have a huge sense of humor when they’re comfortable. ISFJs can most definitely wield this in their favor when it comes to engaging with others in a romantic sense. They can find real joy in using something funny to show their interest.
I’m personally a big fan of funny pickup lines. They give the connotation that shows you’re interested, yet they’re fun as well, so if that other person doesn’t feel the same, at least they had a laugh with you. I still use silly pickup lines on my husband.
Me: “I must have found you at the store.”
Me: “Cause you’re a snack.”
I’ll giggle. He’ll snuggle me and more. Victory.
Double-down On Your Practical Needs
ISFJs naturally assist their love interest with their sensory needs. This means ISFJs will bring their honey a glass of water, they’ll turn up the temperature for them, they’ll clean up their mess for them just to help, and so on. When an ISFJ intends to flirt, they will go above and beyond with these processes. ISFJs will bring out the big candles, they’ll run you a bath, they’ll make you a four-course meal, and generally treat you like royalty. They will be as attentive as possible with you in the hopes that they will subtly entice you to give them attention as well.
You know all those romantic comedies where the lead has to run around their house and make sure everything is perfect for when their boo shows up? Yeah. ISFJs will do that to flirt. They are trying to show adoration through their diligence. They’ll wear a color you like or dim the lights. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was an ISFJ who first paired wine with chocolate. They know what moves they need to make in the sensory realm to get a response for their interest. Maybe that doesn’t sound sexy, but imagine someone making sure the food, smell, sights, and sounds were just right for you to be in the mood. That’s dedication.
Shower You with Gifts
ISFJs do one thing exceptionally well: keep a consistently running memory bank for each person in their life. It just so happens that their memory bank can swell to exponential heights for their partners. They will remember you saying you wanted that one thing that one time and get it for you.
What can I say?
However, this strength applies to more flirtatious gifts as well. You mention you want a massage? We’ll buy the oil and give you one personally. We don’t mind. You think we should purchase such and such from that one online shop we go on together sometimes? We’ll order it for you blushing.
When I asked my husband to describe my flirting approach, he said I was often “distantly flirty” before becoming “aggressively loving.” I’d say that applies. I have gone so far as to plopping right on my husband’s lap just to increase the proximity of our closeness as quickly as possible.
Subtle. Real subtle.
ISFJs can be very receptive to and giving of physical touch. When ISFJs flirt in this way, it’s usually their raw tactic. They make a conscious choice not to be covert, but only when they know you are in a similar mindset. ISFJs can be forward if they’re comfortable.
What Are Your Thoughts?
Do you agree with this article? Let me know if you have any thoughts or experiences to share!
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Jami Cannon is an MBTI® enthusiast who hopes to shed more light on the SJ experience. She holds a very stereotypical degree in History (MA) and loves to learn all she can about the people around her.