The Childhood Struggles of Every Myers Briggs® Type

BySusan Storm

Did you ever feel misunderstood as a child? Like once, or maybe constantly, people just didn’t “get you?” Unless you’re raised in a family of people who are very similar to you (and even that can create some issues) you’re likely to be misunderstood at one point or another, or often. Everyone feels misunderstood in a different way, and a lot of that can stem from your personality type and clashes with other personalities.

I’ve written this post in hopes that it can help families and friends to better understand each other and the unique struggles that each person faces, particularly in childhood. This post is reeeaally long so you can just scroll down to find your type or the type of someone you want to know more about.

Discover the childhood struggles of each of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types. #MBTI #Personality

We’re going to start with the most common Myers-Briggs® personality types…

Take our children’s personality questionnaire here.

Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTI® here.

Table of contents

The Defenders – SJ Types

The ESTJ Child

The ESTJ child is one of the most straightforward, goal-oriented types around. No matter their birth placement, they are often ready and willing to keep the other kids in line and get things done. They need order and structure and are highly logical and fair-minded. Practical and active, ESTJ children enjoy staying busy and being in the company of others.

The unique childhood struggles of the ESTJ:

ESTJ children long for a life filled with friends and familiarity. Being active and people-oriented, they find it excruciating to stay cooped up at home when they’d rather be socializing. They crave structure and order in their lives and expect their parents to take on a clear, consistent leadership role. Inconsistent parenting styles where one parent is strict and the other lenient can be particularly frustrating for them.

One challenge for ESTJ children is their lack of natural tact or empathy. While they care deeply about others, they may unintentionally hurt feelings with blunt or insensitive remarks. Parents can support their young ESTJs by modeling empathy and helping them rephrase comments in a kinder way.

Approval is a significant motivator for ESTJ children. They often go out of their way to be helpful in hopes of earning recognition. If their efforts go unnoticed, they may feel depressed or worthless. Their sense of self-worth as children is closely tied to success and positive approval from parents and teachers.

ESTJs dislike unexpected changes, interruptions, or new experiences that disrupt their routine. They thrive on consistency and familiarity, and frequent moves or life changes can be particularly traumatic for them. Knowing what to expect helps them feel secure and confident.

Is your child an ESTJ? A Few Signs:

  • They naturally take charge and enjoy organizing others.
  • They are happiest with structure, routines, and clear expectations.
  • They are highly active and love spending time with friends.
  • They seek approval and recognition for their efforts.

Read This: 5 Ways to Annoy an ESTJ

The ISTJ Child

ISTJ children are often quiet and serious but have a vast aptitude for knowledge and love to learn every detail about their interests. They are known for being realistic, down-to-earth, and steady. They crave peace and quiet, but will often enjoy the company of one or two close friends. ISTJs often seem like “old souls” and usually do very well in school.

The unique childhood struggles of the ISTJ:

ISTJ children like to know what to expect and when. They are deeply frustrated by unexpected changes, interruptions, or new environments they aren’t prepared for. When pushed into a new situation or environment, they feel out of control and frightened. Likewise, jumping from one activity to another can be very stressful for them. They want a “heads up” about what’s coming so they can shift their focus and energy. They concentrate so completely on each task that being asked to all the sudden move onto something else, or to be interrupted, is very upsetting.

Like the ESTJ, ISTJs can unintentionally hurt other children’s feelings because they don’t immediately absorb or notice other people’s micro-reactions in an emotional context. If one of their close relationships is in turmoil because of something they said, this can cause them a lot of stress. Parents should try to model tactfulness for their ISTJ child, and rephrase insensitive comments back to them.

ISTJs need a straightforward, consistent parent. A parent who is wishy-washy or a family where one parent is strict and one is lenient will be frustrating for them. They want rules and guidelines to be clear and logical, and they want their parents to be “the parent” rather than merely “the buddy.” They want clear, explicit directions, and they want to know their parents mean what they say.

ISTJ children need a lot of time alone and hate to be pushed into social situations or constant time with others (even if it’s family). They often enjoy reading books, encyclopedias, and playing games. Attentive to responsibilities, they’re not usually the types to have to be told twice to do something. If you’re parenting an ISTJ, try to reward them with increasing amounts of personal control as they get older. Show them that you appreciate their responsibility by rewarding it with trust.

5 Signs You Have an ISTJ Child:

  • They prefer quiet, focused activities like reading, building, or learning detailed information about their interests
  • They get frustrated when plans change suddenly or when they aren’t given a clear heads-up about what’s coming next
  • They take rules seriously and feel more comfortable when expectations are clear, consistent, and logical
  • They tend to be responsible and reliable, often completing tasks without needing reminders
  • They need regular alone time to recharge and may resist being pushed into too much social activity

Read This: 5 Ways to Annoy an ISTJ

The ESFJ Child

ESFJ children blend warmth and sensitivity with a grounded, practical nature. They need to feel love consistently and clearly. Like all SJ children, they crave structure, routine, and a sense of stability. When life feels predictable, they relax. When it doesn’t, they can feel unsettled.

Connection is everything to them. ESFJ kids want to belong, to their family, their friend groups, their communities. Feeling included and supported isn’t just nice; it’s essential. They’re often affectionate, expressive, and quick to form friendships, naturally drawing people in with their warmth.

The unique childhood struggles of the ESFJ:

ESFJ children have a strong need for activity and social interaction. They come alive around people. If they’re raised in a quieter, more introverted environment, they may feel overlooked or unintentionally shut down, like their natural energy has nowhere to go.

Conflict hits them hard. Even small tensions can feel overwhelming, like something important is breaking beneath the surface. They experience conflict emotionally, sometimes as if their sense of safety is slipping. Because of this, they may go out of their way to keep the peace, even at their own expense.

They’re also highly sensitive to rejection. A lack of affection, praise, or visible warmth from caregivers can leave a lasting impact on their self-esteem. These kids are constantly scanning for signs: Am I loved? Am I okay? Do I matter here?

Many ESFJ children are natural worriers. Their minds can drift toward “what if” scenarios—especially involving the safety of people they love. Reassurance goes a long way with them. They need to hear, often and sincerely, that they are safe, loved, and supported. Physical affection especially grounds them in a way words alone sometimes can’t.

Discipline can be especially stressful. Harsh tones, raised voices, or sudden anger can feel deeply unsettling, even if the intention is correction. ESFJ children are often quick to apologize, sometimes before they even understand what they did wrong, simply because they want to restore harmony as quickly as possible.

And like all SJ types, the unfamiliar can feel intimidating. New situations, changes in routine, or unpredictability can create anxiety. They do best when new experiences are introduced gently and when they can connect the unknown to something familiar. Consistency matters a lotto them, so following through on promises and maintaining clear expectations helps them feel secure.

5 Signs You Have an ESFJ Child:

  • They often worry about the safety or well-being of loved ones and look for reassurance frequently
  • They’re naturally affectionate and expressive, often seeking hugs, closeness, or verbal reassurance
  • They quickly make friends and feel happiest when they’re connected to others
  • They become visibly distressed by conflict or tension, even if it’s minor
  • They’re happiest with a routine and may get anxious when plans suddenly change

Read This: 5 Ways to Annoy an ESFJ

The ISFJ Child

ISFJ children are deeply loving, gentle, and considerate. These thoughtful types long for close, nurturing relationships and a life that feels safe and stable. They want to be there for the people they love and often find real fulfillment in caring for others. Responsible and attentive, they usually try to create harmony in their homes and friendships.

The unique childhood struggles of the ISFJ:

ISFJ children are sensitive and tender-hearted, and conflict can feel overwhelming for them. Confrontation of any kind is unsettling. Harsh discipline or raised voices can leave them deeply distressed. They do best when things are explained calmly and patiently, with time to process what’s being said.

They are often shy around new people, which can be misunderstood as aloofness or disinterest. In reality, they want connection but may struggle to initiate it. They usually prefer a few close, trusted friends rather than large groups. Without encouragement and support, this can turn into loneliness. Parents can help by gently facilitating social opportunities and giving them a bridge into new interactions.

ISFJs need clear, visible affirmation. They want to feel like they belong and are valued in their family. If love isn’t expressed openly, they may assume they’re falling short. Many will try to earn approval by doing more, helping more, and giving more. Over time, this can leave them drained or feeling like nothing they do is ever enough.

Consistency matters deeply to them. Sudden changes such as moving, family upheaval, or switching schools can feel very destabilizing. They want to know what’s coming and how to prepare for it. They also need consistency from their parents. Mixed messages or unpredictable rules can be confusing and frustrating.

ISFJs also have a strong sense of fairness. Because they are so willing to help, they can end up taking on more than their share without realizing it. It’s important to notice what they’re doing, thank them, and make sure responsibilities are balanced so they don’t become overwhelmed or taken for granted.

5 Signs You Have an ISFJ Child:

  • They feel most secure with routines and can become anxious when life feels unpredictable
  • They show love through helpful actions and often take care of others without being asked
  • They are sensitive to tone and can become upset by criticism, conflict, or raised voices
  • They tend to be shy at first but form deep, loyal bonds with a small circle of people
  • They look for reassurance that they are loved and may try to earn approval by doing more

Related: The Childhood Struggles of ISFJs

The Adventurers – SP Types

The ESTP Child

ESTP children are full of energy, excitement, and a constant urge to experience life firsthand. They are playful, adventurous, and often the source of laughter in a room, quick with jokes and ready to entertain. These kids are adaptable, bold, and naturally tuned into their environment. They tend to be excellent problem-solvers who think on their feet and aren’t afraid to take risks. Brave and action-oriented, they want to engage with the world, not just observe it.

The unique childhood struggles of the ESTP:

ESTP children are intensely curious and impulsive. They want to touch, taste, explore, and test everything around them. Because of this, they often struggle with rules, especially ones that feel arbitrary or restrictive. They may receive more discipline than other children simply because they are always in motion and testing boundaries. If that discipline comes with anger or harshness, it can damage their self-esteem and leave them feeling misunderstood or unfairly targeted. Many ESTPs I’ve spoken with remember feeling like the “black sheep” in their families; always in trouble, always being punished, restricted, or scolded.

ESTPs respond best to discipline that is clear, immediate, and calm. When expectations are explained logically and enforced consistently, they are far more likely to respect them. When discipline feels unpredictable or fueled by frustration, they may become defiant or discouraged.

Sitting still for long periods can be extremely difficult for ESTPs. They are highly aware of their surroundings and easily distracted by movement and activity. Traditional classroom environments can feel draining or stifling, even if they are intelligent and capable. They tend to learn best through hands-on, active experiences. After a long school day, they need opportunities to move, explore, and release pent-up energy.

ESTPs are also very direct in how they communicate. They tend to say exactly what’s on their mind without much filtering. While this honesty can be refreshing, it can also lead to hurt feelings or misunderstandings. They may need guidance in learning tact and considering how their words impact others.

A highly rigid or overly controlled home environment can feel suffocating to an ESTP. They need room to explore, take risks, and learn through experience. At the same time, their positive traits can be overlooked if the focus is always on their impulsive moments. It’s important to notice their strengths, their quick thinking, their courage, and their resourcefulness. When these are acknowledged and rewarded with appropriate freedom, they tend to thrive.

5 Signs You Have an ESTP Child:

  • They are adventurous, bold, and energized by freedom, challenge, and real-world experiences
  • They are constantly moving, exploring, and looking for something new to experience
  • They struggle with sitting still and prefer hands-on, active learning
  • They speak their mind openly and sometimes say things without thinking about the impact
  • They test boundaries often but respond better to calm, consistent discipline than harsh reactions

Related: 5 Ways to Annoy an ESTP

The ISTP Child

ISTP children are independent, practical, and naturally skilled at understanding how things work. They are drawn to the physical world, where they can explore, experiment, and engage directly with their environment. Logical and resourceful, they often figure things out on their own and take pride in their competence. At the same time, they can be playful, generous, and fun-loving. Give them something to take apart, fix, or build, and they’re in their element.

The unique childhood struggles of the ISTP:

ISTPs, like all SP types, are driven by curiosity and a desire for freedom. They want to explore, test, and experience life firsthand. Highly structured or rigid environments can feel restrictive to them, especially when they are expected to sit still for long periods of time. This often creates challenges in school, where passive learning and extended listening are required. ISTPs tend to learn best by doing, not by sitting and absorbing information.

Because of this, they are sometimes misunderstood or mislabeled as inattentive or disruptive. In reality, they are highly intelligent and capable, but their learning style is active and hands-on. When they are allowed to engage directly with what they’re learning, they often excel.

Growing up with more emotionally expressive parents can be both helpful and confusing for ISTPs. While they appreciate warmth and support, they may struggle to understand decisions or explanations that are based primarily on feelings. If something is explained only in emotional terms, it can leave them frustrated or disconnected. This can also show up in their friendships, where they may unintentionally say something blunt or insensitive and not understand why it caused harm. They benefit from learning tactfulness in a clear, straightforward way that makes sense to them.

ISTPs are not automatically impressed by authority. They tend to believe that respect should be earned, not assumed. Because of this, strict or authoritarian parenting styles can lead to frustration and power struggles. If they feel controlled without understanding the reasoning behind it, they may resist or push back. Frequent harsh discipline can damage their confidence or lead them to become hardened in response.

Above all, ISTPs want independence and trust. They are often highly capable and quick to adapt. When parents take the time to teach them the difference between healthy risk and dangerous behavior, and then gradually give them more freedom, ISTPs tend to thrive. Trying to overly control or restrict them can lead to defiance or risky rebellion. When they feel trusted, they usually rise to the occasion.

5 Signs You Have an ISTP Child:

  • They question authority and respond best when rules are explained logically and fairly
  • They love taking things apart, building, fixing, or figuring out how something works
  • They prefer hands-on learning and struggle with long periods of sitting still or listening
  • They value independence and often want to do things on their own rather than ask for help
  • They communicate in a direct, matter-of-fact way and may not always notice emotional nuances

Related: Understanding ISTP “Laziness”

The ESFP Child

ESFP children are natural entertainers. They love to laugh, make others laugh, and bring energy into any room they enter. Highly extroverted, they crave connection and interaction and often feel most alive when they’re around people. These kids are down-to-earth, enthusiastic, and full of life. They live in the moment, soaking up experiences and approaching life with a sense of excitement and optimism.

The unique childhood struggles of the ESFP:

ESFP children, like all SP types, are driven by impulse and energy. Sitting still for long periods can feel almost unbearable to them. Because of this, school can be frustrating, especially when it requires extended focus, quiet, and repetition. They are often mislabeled as inattentive or disruptive, when in reality they simply learn best through movement, interaction, and hands-on experience.

Their focus on the present moment can also make rules and rigid schedules difficult. They tend to follow what feels right in the moment rather than what they were told earlier. This can lead to frequent discipline, not because they are trying to be difficult, but because they are responding to immediate experiences rather than long-term expectations.

At the same time, ESFPs deeply need approval and affection. When discipline is harsh, angry, or shaming, it can hit them hard. They may start to feel like they are always “too much” or never quite getting things right. Discipline works best when it is clear, calm, and focused on guidance rather than punishment.

ESFPs are happiest with lots of interaction and stimulation. Being stuck inside for long periods or cut off from social experiences can feel frustrating and draining. They want to experience, react, and be part of what’s happening. Their expressive nature can sometimes come across as loud or overwhelming, especially to more reserved parents. If they are constantly told to tone themselves down, they may end up with a lot of pent-up energy and frustration.

Giving them healthy outlets is key. Activities like sports, dance, music, or theater allow them to channel their energy, connect with others, and express themselves in a positive way.

5 Signs You Have an ESFP Child:

  • They have a high need for social interaction and become restless or frustrated when they feel confined or isolated
  • They are energetic, playful, and often the source of laughter or excitement in a group
  • They struggle with sitting still and prefer active, hands-on learning
  • They seek attention and approval and are highly responsive to praise or criticism
  • They act on impulse and may forget rules in the moment

Related: The Top 7 Gift Ideas for ESFPs

The ISFP Child

ISFP children are gentle, free-spirited, and deeply individualistic. They have a high awareness of beauty, often drawn to art, music, aesthetics, and self-expression. These children feel things deeply and care sincerely about the people in their lives. They want to enjoy the moment, create meaningful experiences, and bring something beautiful into the world around them. At the same time, they are free spirits who need to express themselves authentically. Being told who to be, limited, or boxed into a specific role is a fast path to rebellion.

The unique childhood struggles of the ISFP:

ISFP children are highly sensitive and can be easily hurt. Harsh discipline, yelling, or criticism can leave a lasting emotional impact. They need warmth, reassurance, and physical affection to feel safe and grounded. When those needs aren’t met, they may become insecure or withdrawn. At the same time, they tend to hold onto hope and look for the good in their lives, even when things feel difficult.

They are very sensory and curious, often wanting to touch, explore, and engage directly with their environment. They can also be impulsive, which means rules may be forgotten in the moment. Because of this, they may receive frequent discipline, and they tend to take it personally. Highly structured or demanding environments can feel overwhelming to them. They do best with a more relaxed rhythm that allows for creativity and personal space.

School can be a challenge. ISFPs often find traditional learning environments boring or disconnected from what feels meaningful to them. Even though they usually want to please their parents and teachers, they may struggle to stay engaged with material that feels abstract or repetitive. This can lead to underachievement or the sense that they are being overlooked or misunderstood. In reality, many ISFPs are quite intelligent, but they learn best through hands-on, experiential methods.

Planning ahead can also be difficult. ISFPs prefer to take life one step at a time, adapting as they go. Long-term projects or complex tasks can feel overwhelming if they aren’t broken down. They benefit from guidance that helps them approach responsibilities in smaller, manageable pieces.

Conflict can be especially hard for them. They tend to take disagreements very personally or assume the worst about someone’s intentions. Hurt feelings can linger, and they may struggle to let things go. With support, they can learn how to process emotions without becoming overwhelmed and how to interpret situations more accurately.

5 Signs You Have an ISFP Child:

  • They care deeply about being true to themselves, even if it causes friction
  • They are gentle, affectionate, and highly sensitive to criticism or conflict
  • They express themselves through art, music, style, or hands-on creativity
  • They prefer a flexible, low-pressure environment and feel overwhelmed by too many demands
  • They struggle with long-term planning but do well when tasks are broken into smaller steps

Related: 5 Ways to Annoy an ISFP

The Dreamers – NF Types

The ENFJ Child

ENFJ children are warm, expressive, and full of enthusiasm. They bring a natural sense of connection wherever they go, wanting to uplift others and create harmony in their relationships. Highly social and emotionally attuned, they tend to form bonds easily and are often well-liked by their peers. Like all NF types, they have a strong inner value system and a rich imagination. They often drift into daydreams, reflecting on possibilities, relationships, and meaning.

The unique childhood struggles of the ENFJ:

ENFJ children gain energy from being around people. Long stretches of isolation or being stuck at home can feel draining or even distressing. In quieter or more introverted families, they may feel like their need for interaction isn’t fully understood. At the same time, they can overextend themselves socially, saying yes to everything and ending up exhausted.

Their desire to keep others happy can become a burden. ENFJs are so sensitive to others’ feelings that they may ignore their own needs in order to maintain harmony. Over time, this can lead to resentment, burnout, or a loss of connection with their own identity. They benefit from learning that it’s okay to disappoint others sometimes in order to stay true to themselves.

They also absorb the emotional atmosphere around them. If there is tension, grief, or conflict in the family, they often feel it deeply and personally. Events like divorce, loss, or ongoing conflict can weigh heavily on them, as if they are carrying not just their own emotions, but everyone else’s as well.

ENFJs are naturally affectionate and open with their feelings. They may want to hug, express love freely, and connect physically with the people they care about. However, social norms can sometimes make them feel like they need to hold this back. This can create confusion, as they try to balance being true to themselves with fitting in.

Criticism can be especially painful for them. They tend to take negative feedback very personally and may interpret it as a sign that they are unloved or rejected. Because they idealize their relationships, even small conflicts can feel overwhelming. It’s important for them to hear, clearly and often, that they are loved no matter what, especially during moments of correction or discipline.

5 Signs You Have an ENFJ Child:

  • They take criticism personally and need reassurance that they are still loved and valued
  • They are highly social and feel energized by being around people
  • They are affectionate, expressive, and openly show care for others
  • They are very sensitive to others’ moods and often absorb emotional tension
  • They enjoy daydreaming about the future, making plans, and focusing on concepts more than literal details

Related: 5 Ways to Annoy an ENFJ

The INFJ Child

INFJ children are dreamers in the truest sense. They have rich inner worlds filled with imagination, ideas, and meaning. Often gentle, thoughtful, and private, they tend to keep much of themselves hidden beneath the surface. They are deeply empathetic and intellectually curious, always trying to understand the deeper significance of what’s happening around them. While they may appear calm and reserved, if one of their core values is challenged, they can become surprisingly passionate and strong-willed.

The unique childhood struggles of the INFJ:

INFJ children spend a great deal of time in their inner world. They need space to imagine, reflect, and connect ideas. Because of this, interruptions, sudden changes, or fast-paced environments can feel very disruptive. When they are pulled away from their thoughts, it can feel jarring, as if something important has been broken mid-connection. This can also make it harder for them to stay engaged with tasks that feel repetitive or disconnected from meaning, even if they want to do well.

They are often shy, especially in unfamiliar settings, but still long for meaningful connection. Many INFJs want one or two close, trusted friendships rather than a wide social circle. Their private nature can make it harder for others to get to know them, even though they are usually appreciated for their warmth and sincerity.

Time alone is not optional for an INFJ child. It’s how they process life. Daydreaming, reflecting, and imagining are essential to how their mind works. When this is constantly interrupted or dismissed as unproductive, they can feel stressed and disconnected from themselves. Because their dominant function, introverted intuition, isn’t always easy for others to understand, they may be told to stop “living in their head” and focus only on practical tasks. Over time, this can make them feel misunderstood or pressured to become someone they’re not.

They also tend to be perfectionistic. INFJs often hold themselves to very high standards and can become frustrated when they can’t bring their ideas to life exactly as they imagine them. Interruptions or disruptions during focused work can make this even more difficult, sometimes causing them to lose momentum or give up on a project altogether.

Conflict is especially hard for them. They are deeply affected by the emotional atmosphere around them and often absorb the stress or tension of others. Family conflict, anger, or instability can feel overwhelming, as if they are carrying emotions that aren’t fully their own. They also tend to take criticism personally, which can lead to self-doubt if feedback isn’t handled with care.

INFJ children often understand others’ emotions more easily than their own. This can leave them feeling confused or overwhelmed, especially when they are taking in a lot from the people around them. Over time, this tendency to internalize stress can even show up physically if they don’t have healthy ways to process what they’re experiencing.

5 Signs You Have an INFJ Child:

  • They are perfectionistic and can become frustrated when their ideas don’t match reality
  • They spend a lot of time daydreaming, imagining, or reflecting on deeper meanings
  • They prefer a few close, meaningful friendships rather than large social groups
  • They are highly sensitive to conflict and emotional tension in their environment
  • They need regular alone time to think and recharge

Related: The Struggles of Being an INFJ Child

The ENFP Child

ENFP children are bursting with enthusiasm, curiosity, and imagination. Their minds are constantly alive with possibilities, ideas, and “what ifs.” They are expressive, sensitive, and eager to share their inner world with others. These children are often warm, friendly, and quick to connect, with a natural ability to make friends and bring energy into any space. They have an adventurous spirit and a strong desire to explore, create, and experience life fully.

The unique childhood struggles of the ENFP:

Focus can be a challenge for ENFP children. Their minds move quickly from one idea to the next, making it difficult to stay anchored to a single task for long. In structured environments like school, this can lead to frustration. Sitting still, following rigid routines, and completing repetitive work can feel limiting to a mind that wants to explore multiple possibilities at once.

Their excitement about new ideas can also lead them to take on too much. They may start many projects with genuine enthusiasm, only to feel overwhelmed when they can’t finish them all. This can create a cycle of stress, self-doubt, and unfinished work, even though their intentions were strong from the beginning.

Self-discipline is another common struggle. ENFPs may procrastinate or delay tasks until the pressure builds. This can create a sense of chaos in their environment, which can feel overwhelming for them and those around them. They benefit from gentle, early guidance that helps them break tasks into manageable steps. Over time, it’s important that they learn how to manage their own systems in a way that works for them.

Emotionally, ENFP children are very sensitive. They feel things deeply and can be easily hurt, even if they don’t always show it outwardly. While they may appear upbeat and energetic in public, they can carry private worries, self-doubt, or sadness. They are often hard on themselves and may blame themselves when things go wrong. Regular reassurance, encouragement, and emotional support can make a significant difference.

At the same time, their empathy is a strength. ENFP children are often the ones who notice when someone is left out or hurting, and they will step in to help or defend others. They care deeply about people and fairness.

They also have a strong need to express their ideas. In environments that prioritize practicality, structure, or efficiency over imagination, they may feel dismissed or misunderstood. Their abstract thinking can be labeled as unrealistic or scattered, even though it reflects genuine intelligence and insight. When their ideas are encouraged and taken seriously, they tend to flourish.

5 Signs You Have an ENFP Child:

  • They can become overwhelmed by too many commitments or unfinished projects
  • They are full of ideas and often jump quickly from one interest or project to another
  • They struggle with focus, especially on tasks that feel repetitive or restrictive
  • They are highly expressive and love sharing their thoughts, dreams, and possibilities
  • They are sensitive and empathetic, often standing up for others who are hurting

Read This: 10 Things That Terrify ENFPs

The INFP Child

INFP children are deeply feeling, imaginative, and intense. On the surface, they may seem reserved or even distant, but internally they carry a rich world of emotions, ideals, and meaning. They care deeply about the people close to them and often develop strong personal values early in life. Many are naturally creative, drawn to expressing themselves through writing, music, art, or storytelling. They are often searching for meaning, identity, and a sense of purpose, even from a young age.

The unique childhood struggles of the INFP:

INFPs often identify as highly sensitive people. They can be deeply affected by real or perceived criticism, sometimes interpreting small comments as signs of rejection. Because they feel things so personally, they may struggle to separate constructive feedback from dislike. This can make discipline especially difficult, as they may walk away feeling hurt rather than guided. Consistent reassurance that they are loved and accepted, even when corrected, is essential.

They can also develop strong emotional reactions to feeling misunderstood or betrayed. When hurt, they may withdraw or hold onto those feelings longer than expected. Forgiveness can take time, especially if trust has been shaken. While they are empathetic and compassionate, they are guided by their own inner values and feelings and must walk through the storm in order to understand them. They don’t want to be rushed, pushed to “be okay,” or sacrifice their well-being for others’ comfort.

Structure and routine can feel limiting to INFP children. They are drawn to exploration, imagination, and following what feels meaningful in the moment. This can lead to unfinished projects or difficulty meeting deadlines, especially in structured school environments. They often feel out of sync with systems that prioritize efficiency and consistency over creativity and depth.

Because they are so internally focused, they may not always notice what’s happening around them. Practical details like remembering assignments, keeping track of belongings, or staying organized can be a challenge. They can seem absent-minded at times, simply because their attention is pulled inward toward their thoughts and feelings.

INFP children deeply need harmony in their relationships. Conflict in the home can feel overwhelming and distressing. They may withdraw abruptly, especially when hurt or misunderstood, because they often hate to break down in front of others. Sensitive boys in particular may face pressure to hide this side of themselves, which can create additional inner tension. They need to know their emotional nature is not a flaw, but a strength.

They can also become easily distracted, especially if something emotional is weighing on them. When they are upset or preoccupied, it can be hard for them to focus on anything else. Their inner experience tends to take priority over everything happening externally. At the same time, when they feel safe and engaged, they can be incredibly attentive and present, especially in one-on-one conversations where they feel a genuine connection.

5 Signs You Have an INFP Child:

  • They prefer meaningful one-on-one connections and can be thoughtful, attentive listeners
  • They have a rich inner world and often get lost in imagination, stories, or creative expression
  • They are highly sensitive to criticism and may take feedback very personally
  • They struggle with structure, deadlines, and finishing tasks that don’t feel meaningful
  • They are deeply empathetic but may withdraw or hold onto hurt feelings when upset

Related: The Struggles of Being an INFP Child

The Investigators – NT Types

The ENTJ Child

ENTJ children are driven, confident, and naturally goal-oriented. They tend to approach life with a sense of purpose, always looking for ways to improve, organize, and accomplish. These children are often curious, energetic, and eager to take on challenges. They have a natural leadership presence and are quick to see what needs to be done and how to do it. Strong-willed and outspoken, they usually trust their own judgment and aren’t afraid to express their opinions.

The unique childhood struggles of the ENTJ:

ENTJ children rely heavily on logic and tend to feel uncomfortable navigating strong emotions. They may avoid vulnerability and try to stay in control of how they present themselves. When emotions do surface, they tend to feel embarrassed or frustrated with themselves. It helps when parents normalize emotions without making a big scene, giving them space while also helping them understand that feelings are not a weakness.

Because they prioritize cold, hard logic, they may unintentionally come across as blunt or insensitive. They might correct others, point out flaws, or speak in a way that feels overly direct. This isn’t usually meant to hurt anyone, but it can lead to strained relationships if left unchecked. They benefit from guidance in learning empathy, tact, and how to communicate their thoughts in a way that others can receive more easily.

ENTJs, even as children, are extremely ambitious and often take on more than they can realistically manage. They are drawn to challenges and may overload themselves with responsibilities or goals. At the same time, they often resist help because they want the satisfaction of achieving things on their own. This can lead to stress or burnout if they don’t learn how to pace themselves.

They also have a strong desire for independence and control. They want to make decisions, set their own direction, and manage their environment. While this can lead to impressive growth and maturity, it can also create tension with parents, especially when rules feel unnecessary or limiting to them. They may question authority and push back against expectations they don’t see as logical or useful.

In some cases, this drive for control and achievement can cause them to take on too much too early, missing out on some of the lighter, more carefree aspects of childhood. They benefit from being reminded that rest, play, and enjoyment are just as important as progress and success.

5 Signs You Have an ENTJ Child:

  • They crave independence and may push back against rules that don’t make sense to them
  • They are naturally driven and often set goals or challenges for themselves
  • They prefer logic over emotion and may feel uncomfortable expressing vulnerability
  • They take charge in group settings and often step into leadership roles
  • They tend to be blunt or direct in their communication, sometimes without realizing the impact

Related: 5 Ways to Annoy an ENTJ

The INTJ Child

INTJ children are thoughtful, curious, and intensely focused on understanding how the world works. They are drawn to patterns, systems, and big-picture ideas, often asking “why” long before others their age. These children tend to be quiet and serious, with a rich inner life filled with theories, ideas, and imagined possibilities. They are especially drawn to subjects that spark their curiosity, whether that’s science, strategy, or fantasy worlds that mirror deeper truths.

The unique childhood struggles of the INTJ:

INTJ children have a low tolerance for overstimulation. In order to think clearly and feel at ease, they need quiet, uninterrupted time to process their thoughts. What may look like daydreaming is often deep mental work. Frequent interruptions or being pushed into constant activity can feel frustrating and disorienting. Privacy and solitude are not luxuries for them, but necessities.

They are highly independent and often question authority. Respect, to them, is something that must be earned through fairness, logic, and consistency. They are unlikely to follow rules simply because they are told to. If something doesn’t make sense, they will push back. This can lead to conflict with parents or teachers, especially if expectations aren’t clearly explained. They respond best when given reasoning, autonomy within boundaries, and the chance to prove themselves capable.

INTJs also have a strong need to be right. They think carefully before forming opinions, so when they reach a conclusion, they tend to stand by it. Admitting mistakes can be difficult, not out of arrogance, but because they have invested so much thought into their perspective. They benefit from learning that being wrong is part of growth, not a failure of competence.

Socially, INTJ children may seem distant or uninterested in fitting in. They are often more focused on ideas than on social dynamics. While they can care deeply about others, they may not express that care in obvious or conventional ways. This can lead to misunderstandings, especially with more emotionally expressive family members who expect warmth to be shown outwardly.

They may also struggle with social expectations that feel unnecessary or insincere. Small talk, polite rituals, or performing expected behaviors can feel confusing or pointless to them. When they are criticized for not meeting these expectations, it can feel frustrating, especially if they don’t understand the reasoning behind them.

5 Signs You Have an INTJ Child:

  • They may seem reserved or detached, but care deeply in their own way
  • They spend a lot of time thinking, analyzing, or imagining systems and ideas
  • They need regular quiet time and become frustrated with constant interruptions
  • They question rules and authority, especially when things don’t seem logical
  • They are highly independent and prefer figuring things out on their own

Read This: The Childhood Struggles of INTJs

The ENTP Child

ENTP children are energetic, curious, and full of ideas. They are drawn to anything new, unusual, or intellectually stimulating. These kids are often quick-witted, playful, and imaginative, with a natural talent for storytelling, humor, and clever observations. They enjoy exploring possibilities and challenging assumptions, and they tend to bring a lively, engaging presence wherever they go.

The unique childhood struggles of the ENTP:

ENTP children are naturally skeptical and tend to question everything. They are not easily convinced without clear reasoning, and they often feel compelled to point out inconsistencies or flaws in what others say. This can make them seem argumentative or oppositional, even when their intention is simply to understand or improve an idea. They may clash with authority figures, teachers, or peers who interpret their questioning as disrespect rather than curiosity.

They often struggle with organization and follow-through. ENTPs prefer to keep their options open, which can make it difficult for them to commit to one path or complete every project they start. Their spaces may look chaotic, and they may leave tasks unfinished as new ideas capture their attention. While this can be frustrating for parents, it’s also where much of their creativity and innovation comes from. They benefit from learning systems that help them follow through without feeling overly restricted.

Structure can feel limiting to ENTP children. Strict rules, rigid schedules, or environments with little flexibility can lead to frustration. They want room to explore, experiment, and make their own decisions. When they feel controlled without understanding the purpose, they may resist or push back.

ENTPs are highly social and need a lot of interaction. They enjoy having an audience for their ideas and can become restless when they feel confined or isolated. At the same time, they have a strong desire for independence and competence. They want to be trusted to make decisions and may become frustrated if they feel underestimated or overly managed.

Because they move quickly from one idea to another, they can also become overwhelmed by too many possibilities or commitments. Learning how to prioritize and pace themselves is an important skill that develops over time.

5 Signs You Have an ENTP Child:

  • They can seem disorganized but are highly inventive and quick-thinking
  • They constantly ask questions and enjoy debating or challenging ideas
  • They come up with lots of creative ideas but may struggle to finish what they start
  • They resist strict rules or routines and prefer flexibility and independence
  • They are social, talkative, and enjoy having an audience for their thoughts

Related: ENTP Spotlight on Walt Disney

The INTP Child

INTP children are intensely curious, analytical, and driven to understand how everything works. They are independent thinkers who question assumptions and look beneath the surface of ideas. Logical and quiet, they tend to approach life with a problem-solving mindset. Many have a quirky sense of humor and a love of exploring unusual or complex topics. They are often easy-going in temperament, but mentally very active, constantly turning ideas over in their minds.

The unique childhood struggles of the INTP:

INTP children are natural skeptics. They question rules, ideas, and authority, not to be difficult, but because they genuinely want to understand what is true. This can create tension with parents or teachers who expect compliance without explanation. When they feel forced to accept something that doesn’t make sense to them, they may push back or disengage. They respond best when reasoning is explained clearly and respectfully.

School can be a challenge, especially when it involves repetition, memorization, or slow pacing. INTPs tend to prefer deep, conceptual learning over routine tasks. If they feel bored or under-stimulated, they may lose focus or rush through work without much care, even though they are capable of much more. This can lead to them being seen as lazy or unmotivated, when in reality they are under-challenged or uninterested. They thrive when they are allowed to explore subjects that genuinely capture their curiosity.

They are also extremely internal and can become overwhelmed by too much external stimulation. Loud environments, constant talking, or frequent interruptions can feel draining and disruptive. When they are deep in thought, being pulled away can be frustrating, as if they’ve lost track of something important. They often need quiet space to think and recharge.

Because they prioritize logic, INTP children can struggle to understand emotional dynamics and social expectations. They may not instinctively pick up on social cues or the emotional impact of their words. This can lead to misunderstandings with peers or adults, who may interpret their behavior as insensitive or disengaged. In reality, they simply process the world differently and may need guidance in understanding social nuances.

They can also appear absent-minded. Their focus is often directed inward, which can make it easy to forget practical details like assignments, belongings, or instructions. This doesn’t reflect a lack of intelligence, but rather where their attention naturally goes.

INTPs can sometimes feel misunderstood in environments that value conformity over independent thinking. When their way of processing the world isn’t recognized or appreciated, they may withdraw or disengage. Encouragement, patience, and respect for their thinking style can help them feel more confident and motivated.

5 Signs You Have an INTP Child:

  • They can seem absent-minded or socially awkward, but are highly thoughtful and insightful
  • They constantly ask “why” and enjoy analyzing how things work
  • They question rules and ideas, especially when they don’t seem logical
  • They struggle with repetitive tasks but engage deeply with subjects that interest them
  • They prefer quiet environments and may become overwhelmed by too much noise or activity

Read This: Understanding INTP Thinking

In Conclusion

I know this has been a really long post to read! I probably should have made it into an ebook instead of a post, but either way I hope it was helpful! Please let me know what your thoughts are in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic,  The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer, and The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!

Discovering You eBook about the 16 Myers-Briggs Personality Types

Sources:
Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type
Nurture by Nature: Understand Your Child’s Personality Type – And Become a Better Parent
Type Talk: The 16 Personality Types That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work
The 16 Personality Types: Profiles, Theory, & Type Development
The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning

 

Discover the childhood struggles each #personality type faces in life! #MBTI #Personalitytype #INFJ #INTJ #INFP #INTP #ENFP #ENTP #ENFJ #ISTJ #ISFJ #ISTP #ISFP

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127 Comments

  3. I always end up having the same problem! And then I re-evaluate whether I truly am an INFJ, and then always end up coming back to the conclusion that I am. I think there are a lot of similarities between the N types though; a certain set of issues that they all identify with to some extent maybe. I definitely identified with both INFP and INFJ and even a lot of the ISFJ tendencies; not all though.

    Reply

  4. reading these makes me so sad that parents aren’t given (or don’t seek!) this information in relation to their children! everything you wrote about the ENFJ child rang so true to me, and I can’t help but wonder how much more appreciated and loved I could have felt as a child had my parents known these basic things!!
    I know for certain that I will pay attention to my children’s typologies even as they shift, because it really does not have to be such a mystery to figure out how best to care for one another.
    I’d consider Myers-Brigg the closest thing we get to children “coming with a manual” 😉 great read!

    Reply

    1. Thanks so much for the feedback! I would completely agree that childhood would be easier for SO many more people if parents knew the MBTI. Truthfully though, even if they didn’t know MBTI, just realizing that people are all made differently/have different strengths, weaknesses, etc,…would make life a lot easier for so many people. Learning more about the MBTI has helped me to understand my kids SO much better…even if I don’t 100% know their types for sure yet (it’s hard with kids) I can be more open to what others might see as “non-conformities”. Anyway, thanks again! Glad to have an ENFJ on my blog! 🙂

      Reply

  5. I’m an ESTJ and that is spot on. I also have an ISTP husband and two young children – a 4-year-old ESFJ and a six-year-old who is either an ENTJ or INTJ. This is so accurate for both of them. It’s heartening to know that we’re doing a lot of the right stuff. We probably have too much conflict for the lone F, but she’ll survive. She knows she is loved.

    Reply

    1. Thank you! So nice to have an ESTJ here! My husband is also an ISTP, and I have an ESFP step-son and (I believe) an INTP daughter. The one-year-old is too hard to type yet:) I’m sure your ESFJ six-year-old will do just fine; from my experience, ESFJs are tough cookies who are usually pretty resilient. Thanks for visiting my blog! I’d love to get your input on other posts in the future if you ever see anything else you like/don’t like here 🙂

      Reply

  6. I’m an INTP. I wish parents were taught this. I was always very curious as a child. I’m constantly told how I once snuck to the blinds and was reprimanded by my mother to not play with them or the strings. Yet the moment she went to cook, I was back at it. She says I was much too quiet and when she checked on me, I was standing on my tiptoes, tangled in the blinds with them and the string around my neck, atop the couch. Which is a really scary thought. I was so curious, I put myself in grave danger to figure out how the darn blinds worked. I’m even told how I woke from a nap, and my babysitter came in and found I had superglued my mouth shut and fingers together. And I also was found cutting my hands up with a shaving razor during bath time, and didn’t make a single sound as I tried to figure out how to use it until I was caught red handed. Then, all throughout middle school, despite getting great grades, I got constant phonecalls home for arguing with the teacher. I was really just questioning her reasons for the things she ordered or said, and it was taken as questioning her authority and disrespecting her.

    Reply

    1. I am really sorry you had to deal with all that! I have an INTP daughter and she is the same way. Always very curious, and asks a lot of questions – it can seem combative or argumentative, but she really just wants to know the core truth of an idea and figure out all the in’s and outs of how it works. I’m glad you survived your childhood! I think all parents would benefit from knowing about MBTI. Thank you so much for your feedback!

      Reply

  7. Hi Susan 🙂 I really love your blog. I especially liked this article because, as an INFP, it really rang true for me. I learned about Myers Briggs when my kids were quite young and it really helped me to know how to talk to them about the issues they were facing. I am a part-time teacher and the MBTI helps me to understand and relate to the kids who are more difficult to deal with in a classroom setting. Recently, i have started writing and illustrating a series of fairy tales based on the 16 personality types. So far I have published three (INFP, ESFP, and ISTJ) on my blog. If you have time, I would love you to take a quick look and let me know what you think. I hope they are true to type. I want to emphasize the positive qualities of each type, so if a child of that type is reading the story, they feel validated by sharing personality traits with the protagonist. Someone suggested that my INTJ character could be an evil genius. I’m okay with the genius but I don’t want to suggest to any INTJ child that their personality is inherently evil. Anyway, please take a look if you are interested and thanks for all the interesting posts. https://mariebanville.wordpress.com/

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much for your feedback! I am so excited to hear that you are using MBTI to help in teaching – I would love to know more about how it has helped. I would absolutely LOVE to read your fairy tales! That sounds so fun 🙂 I will check them out as soon as I get a spare moment to really give them my full attention, and then I will let you know what I think. I’m sure they are amazing. I’m glad you aren’t going for the evil genius INTJ thing – I think that stereotype is a little worn out. I’m sure you can think of something better. I’m very much looking forward to checking out your blog, and thanks again! I would love to get your thoughts in the future, it is so helpful.

      Reply

      1. Hello again, Susan. I am thrilled that you will read my fairy tales when you have time. I have had mostly positive feedback on the MBTI forums. I did let my students read them if they were interested and a few of them identified with the types. At the beginning of the school year I generally do a short unit on Getting to Know You” and the online MBTI test is one of the activities. Most kids are interested and they especially like knowing the famous people who are the same type. Since kids are still developing and the online tests are not 100% accurate, their types give me just a general idea of who they are. It is interesting, however, how a class that might have more SPs is very different from a predominantly SJ class. The NTs and NFs tend to be rare. Of course, as an INFP it is delightful to occasionally teach an INFP or INFJ child.

  8. (ENTP) This was fantastic. Insightful and accurate. I’m going to share it with my husband for help in parenting our kids and also because he as an ISFJ had some really unfortunate childhood experiences. Thank you for your time and care.

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much for your feedback! I am so glad that this was helpful to you, and I hope it will be a help to your ISFJ husband. I really enjoyed doing the research, and am thrilled to know it’s being of any use. IF you ever come across any new insights on the subject I’d love to hear them! Thanks again!

      Reply
  9. Pingback: Hellbent on my Type! - Page 7

  10. Interesting! I found this very true for my type, INTP. (The following is supplementary information: female.) My best friend is an INTP and he has high functioning autism, so I suppose that could be a somewhat accurate assumption. I have ADHD, so, yeah. I did always seem really stupid in front of this one girl when I was younger, because a lot of what I would say made sense to me and me only since I spent so much time in my head, so that part was true for me, too.

    Reply

    1. Thanks so much for your feedback! I know INTPs often have a tough time of it in childhood because there aren’t that many of them (especially females!) My daughter, I believe, is an INTP so I’ve dedicated a lot of time to learning about that personality type. Thanks so much for giving me your ideas about the post 🙂

      Reply
  11. Pingback: Sensitive, artistic INTP or analytical, socially inept INFP?
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  21. THIS! I wish I had read this years ago. I’m an INTP always accused of being disrespectful. It is SO FRUSTRATING- to simply be yourself and try to have a conversation, but be told that you’re disrespectful to the very people you respect which is why you “argue” with them in the first place! I never understood why people were saying that- EVER. And I’m an adult now. Please keep blogging. I implore you on behalf of all INTPs. We need other people’s feelings explained logically. I get it now. Doesn’t mean I can change who I am, but at least I understand- and as INTPs will agree, it’s all about understanding.

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much for your feedback!! I can imagine it’s got to be EXTREMELY frustating to be misunderstood in that way. My daughter, I believe, is an INTP and she runs into this problem herself so I’ve tried to understand as much as I can about the INTP type so I can be a better parent and more encouraging to her. Thanks again for your comment, it means a lot to me! So glad this post was helpful to you! 🙂

      Reply

      1. Your daughter is very lucky to have you! It’s so wonderful that you’re trying to understand her better and adjust your parenting style to fit her needs. Growing up as an INTP female comes with a unique set of challenges (and if you have any questions- feel free to ask), but it sounds like she will flourish with your patience and encouragement. Best wishes to both of you. 🙂

  22. This was amazing! It was like reliving my childhood as an INFP/INFJ and realizing why I reacted to things the way I did or do. Do you know of a simple test for small children? I know my son is an Extrovert, but I often wonder which one..

    Reply

    1. I’m so glad this was helpful to you! Unfortunately, I don’t know a good test for children. I’ve tried to find one myself, but it’s hard! I’ve come to the conclusion after researching it that it’s better to wait to type kids till they’re at least in their teens just because their cognitive functions haven’t developed enough yet where we can truly see their type. I mean you can estimate and make predictions, but it’s hard to get a good 100% certain type when they’re still young and their functions are relatively out of balance. Sorry if that wasn’t very helpful!

      Reply

  23. Hi….I found this post very interesting and when I read it I found that all the things are so true for me.
    I’m an 15 years old INTJ currently in high school.
    Yes…It’s true I just cannot bear authority for their age or rank. I completely dislike highly structured environment and hate blind traditions and rule.
    Due to my seemingly arrogant behaviour I didn’t really had much friends in my childhood and in middle school but I don’t care about it. I’m quit happy with few friends and they are very close to me and very caring too.
    However all of them passed my secret test.
    I have a nice sister too with ESFP MBTI type.
    She is quite entertaining and knows how to make me smile.
    My parents now started to understand me slowly slowly although I never expressed my feelings but I constantly demand solitude and independence for me. Thats correct.
    It’s a really very nice blog even I wrote about MBTI types along with my physics writings in my school’s monthly magazine regulerly.
    This is nice post overall and quite accurate!

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much for your input! I really appreciate it. I am glad you have some good friends now – I definitely believe it’s about the quality of your friends and not the quantity. I’d rather have one good friend than lots of sort-of friends 🙂 I’m glad your parents are starting to understand you better too. I know that childhood for an INTJ can be tough! Thank you again for your encouragement, I really appreciate it.

      Reply

    2. Found this comment from a 15 year old delightful and amusing after reading this extremely good article about MBTI children. I am also an INTJ and as a child (and still to this day at 40) my struggle was always with frustration over being completely misunderstood. Most of the energy I have expended in my life has been to be helpful to others, to reach out and do things for them, but when I do I get very negative reactions. As a child my constant complaint to my mother was “Nobody likes me.” I felt that the universe was torturously unfair because of this. The above comment is like seeing myself from the outside. First, our young friend bothering to post a comment at all is a big reaching out from an INTJ and a massive compliment. INTJ’s just ignore anything unworthy and it takes so much effort to be social even in a limited way (like posting) that we save this kind of effort only for those whom we admire. Second, our friend comes off as somewhat pedantic and even a little know-it-all for going through and checking off each paragraph of the INTJ section, letting you know it’s correct. But being what I am, I know that was not the heart and soul behind this comment; it was probably offered with bounding enthusiasm and an eager desire to help and to please. How differently we come off from what we really are. I know that I must also come across as stuffy and pedantic (isn’t this comment just so?), which is hard for me to believe because my emotions are so profound and deep and full of eagerness for humanity. I still wonder, and I may go to my grave wondering, if there is some way to make myself more appealing to others.

      Reply

  24. This was a really interesting and insightful read! As an INFP, I identify with your description quite strongly, as well as with the INTP struggles as well. In part, I believe this is because although I’m an INFP (without a doubt), I am also highly logical, and others seem to see me as cold and inconsiderate at times because of blunt, and at times tactless comments, paired with my – to me – rational thinking, even within my own family, despite whatever my real intentions may be. This makes my INFP struggles all the more difficult, as I desire to be understood and to feel at ease with them above all else.
    Thank you for creating this. When I have children of my own, I’ll be sure to use this to help understand them.

    Reply

    1. Thanks so much for your feedback!! I’m really glad this was helpful to you, and I completely agree that the struggle between having rich emotions and being highly logical can be very confusing and frustrating at times! I hope that the struggles you face will gradually get better and you will be able to feel at ease like you mentioned. Thanks again for letting me know your thoughts!

      Reply
  25. Pingback: [ISFP] Childhood struggles of ISFPs

  26. A well-thought out article until it brings up it’s ableism and anti-neurodiversity. Can’t you just delete those parts?

    Reply

  27. This is a great article! I had been on the fence as to whether I was an INTJ or an INTP for a bit, but reading this and your descriptions of the cognitive function stacks helped me to gain some clarity and realize myself to be the latter. The notes regarding the childhoods of INTPs fit just about every aspect of my experiences during that period of my life, though I had a certain need for approval from teachers—my mother(who was actually a teacher of mine herself up until middle school) is an ISFJ whose Fe is highly developed, so perhaps that did a bit to bring out the more harmonizing side of me. I found the part about INTPs being the most likely type to be misdiagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism particularly interesting, as I was diagnosed with Asperger’s at an early age; however, doctors initially claimed that I had other disorders that are now sometimes associated with Asperger’s/Autism, like ADHD or OCD, before further research revealed that Asperger’s was the only option whose symptoms all corresponded with my behavior. In a way, though, I suppose that there’s a rather odd form of humor in the idea of certain types being identified with specific cognitive disorders: the MBTI was partially based off of the temperaments identified with particular physical ailments in Greco-Roman humorism(which was created during a time when physical illness was even more of a rampant threat than it usually is today), and now, in an era where study of personality is much more developed and mental illness is a greater concern, some people might be indirectly attributing certain psychological disorders to different Myers-Briggs types; is such a repetition ironic or fitting? Regardless, thanks for all of the helpful, interesting, and entertaining content you post on this site!

    Reply

  28. ENTP teen here. It is true that not many people understand me, sometimes not even my mother(ENFJ) . Whenever she asks me about ” What I want to do in life? ” , I lively tell my mother that I want to make it big and make something that would completely change the world. I’m not able to tell her though what it’s gonna be because there are really a lot of areas that I see myself okay at (from Math and Computer Science to Music and Debating(lol) ). The talk ends with my mother pinning me down that I do not live in the real world and that the way I rate at which I change subjects, and that I lack of feeling sacrifice in myself and am super unorganized. Further, you were spot on where sometimes a few of my classmates classify me as ‘arrogant’. I try not to speak out of turn but IT IS SO HARD not to point out where the teacher went wrong or adding an extra solution to a problem. Any suggestions to ‘sort'(lol) out this mess?

    Reply

  29. Thank you for writing this 🙂
    Parents must read this in order to understand their children.
    The explanation about INFP childhood is so true 😀
    I hope parents more aware about their children and not ‘kill’ the kid’s true nature.

    Reply

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read it! I know it’s very hard to determine a child’s personality type, but I do hope that more parents will be aware of the differences in children and work to understand them better 🙂

      Reply

  30. Another INTJ female here, 18. I wish my mother knew about this. She’s heard me talking about it, but hardly takes any interest in it and doesn’t really care for theoretical topics in general. However, most likely due to my persistence, she did say that she had taken the test and got ESFJ – which makes complete sense. Our functional ‘stacks’ could not be more alien to one another. I often offend her with out realizing I have done so, and when I was younger I would ask questions and make statements backed with full confidence only to end up being berated afterwards for not “thinking before I speak” – which always left me confounded as I HAD actually thought my comments through, yet what my mother obviously meant was that I didn’t consider how my words affected others. But I have never wanted to be hurtful intentionally and I do not get a kick out of being hurtful for the sake of it (unless they are horrendous enough to really deserve it – in those scenarios I really do enjoy it.) Rudeness is simply a byproduct of my subconscious need to be genuine and truthful. Navigating situations inauthentically makes me feel cheap.

    After reading about MBTI I have acknowledged our differences. However, I find it difficult to sympathize – especially as she doesn’t acknowledge this in return, and considers a lot of my views and hobbies as being inherently bad/inferior just because she doesn’t share my passion for them.

    Learning about this has also reassuringly altered my perspective of my school experience. As a younger child it seems to be generally easier to make friends, so during that period I was satisfied and in fact an impressively confident person. Then of course, adolescence came around and I found myself becoming mentally further and further away from the group I was hanging around with. This was a fascinatingly small school as well, so my options were severely limited. I became accustomed to assuming there was something fundamentally wrong with me because I couldn’t connect to a single person – until I had to change schools (for unrelated reasons) and met an INTP. I have never met someone who’s mental processes are as similar to mine as hers are – our senses of humour, our perceptions of the world etc. are right next door to each other if not almost identical.

    Reply

    1. Thanks so much or sharing your experience and thoughts with me! As a mother of a 10-year-old INTJ I can see where this kind of situation would happen, especially with an ESFJ mother. I feel bad for my INTJ daughter many times because people misconstrue what she says and feel the need to correct her when she asks questions or make statements that they feel aren’t as tactful or polite as they should be. She’s never intentionally mean or hurtful, but is just very curious and authentic and doesn’t see the point in sugarcoating things for other people’s comfort. I have a couple of INTJ friends and I really enjoy their way of thinking. As an INFJ myself I think there’s a lot that Ni-dominant types share and we can relate to each other on many levels, but we just respond socially in different ways.

      I’m sorry that your mom isn’t more interested in MBTI – many of the SJ types I know aren’t nearly as interested in it as the intuitives, although ISFJs seem a bit more curious about it. I’m glad you’ve found a good INTP friend – INTPs and INTJs are both really fascinating to me and I can see how that would be a wonderful friendship.

      Reply

  31. This is an extremely hostile environment for some types – especially as children. Obviously, I can only speak for myself as an INTP, but I would not be surprised if the low numbers of some types were due to societal/environmental factors. I survived the trauma of childhood by creating a world in my head and recognizing both my freedom to go there and the inability of others to stop me but I had to figure that out on my own, at a very young age.

    It could be that INTPs exhibit higher rates of being more intelligent than average because less intelligent individuals don’t have the capacity to build such sanctuaries for themselves and simply don’t survive childhood.

    Constant, inescapable trauma takes a huge toll on both the mind and the body, leaving it weak and susceptible to disease of all kinds.

    On a high note – I don’t think ‘tantrum” is the word you want. It’s possible that all or nearly all INTPs have experienced such extreme distress that they would sort of implode but I would guess that very few have experienced more than one or two. The aftermath of such a display would NOT be something an INTP would risk more than once or twice unless the result were less painful than the actual trauma. No…I don’t think so, LOL! What might seem, to a child, like a way of saying “Leave me alone!” would most likely sound like “Come to me!” to everyone else. Which such a child would discover pretty quickly. Other types might BE saying “Come to me!”, but not an INTP. More than likely, they’re saying “You’re freaking me out! Get away from me!”.

    Reply

  32. I am an INTJ. I relate to both the INTJ and INTP childhood struggles because I teetered on the line between the two personalities for most of my childhood. It is pretty funny that something as simple as reading these descriptions could bring a tear to my eye. I lived in a single parent home with an ESTJ mother and an ISTP sister. I love them very much but I find it hard to understand them, and especially my mother. I tried very hard to cram myself into the mold she crafted for me, but ended up stifling myself in the process. I was diagnosed with Dysthymia (stiil current) and suffered a few Major Depressive episodes in my teen-aged years. Not trying to go off on a tangent, but what I am trying to say is to please be careful with your NT children. They might come off as a little smart aleck who wants things their way or the highway, but they are just expressing their naturally autonomous natures and would be glad to show you their respect and love (in their own way) if you allow them to grow naturally and enforce your rules without bending them into submission. They also love their space, they love you very much but would adore you if you allowed them their space. Space is love, space is life. Believe me when I say that the love and feelings they hold for you in the dark corner of their logic-protected little hearts is a boundless and wondrous as the ever-expanding universe. Don’t take their silence for apathy and force them into conversation, they’re just constructing their optimal future in their heads and would likely feel naked if you strip them away from it (unless you have something to contribute to it. Apologies in advance if that sounds mean, I just can’t think of any way to reword it). If you really want them to be a little more cuddly (and I mean a little), try to nurture that tertiary Fi in your INTJ or that tertiary Fe in your INTP. It will help them empathize more with you and others. It took me a long time just to get to the point that I’m at now.

    Reply

    2. I am also INTJ, and I am still in high school right now. So far, I’ve been realizing that whenever stress is evoked within me, I start turning to my Fi a lot for comfort. Also, since an INTJ’s Fi is fueled mainly by Se, the “bridge to the subconscious”, I start becoming very rebellious and pay a considerably higher amount of attention towards reality. So basically I turn into an unhealthy XSFP. I’m pretty sure there is a healthier way of using the inferior function, though. Sometimes I catch harmless manifestations of it in my love for the arts (cause who doesn’t love Sibelius) and an occasional urge to step outside and enjoy the beauty of nature. In fact, I love these activities so much that I become frustrated when I don’t see any careers such as “musician” or “artist” in most INTJ Career lists. I can easily see myself becoming a violinist, but a scientist? Not as much.

      Reply
  33. Pingback: How can I tell INFP, INFJ and ISFJ apart? - Page 2

  34. I have struggled to find an MBTI that fits my personality. I seem to be a blend. I know I am an Introvert. Most of my adult life I gave in to the social demands put upon me but now that I’m nearing retirement age I just decline all invitations. I am Intuitive. I have had visions and moments of de’javu so I accept that designation. But I also have a strong Sensing aspect. I do love structure and relax when the rent is paid, bills are paid, and there’s gas in the car, that sort of thing. I sincerely believe everthing would be smoother if everyone would abide by the rules. Even just by following the Commandments would be great! It’s not a perfect world. I am skeptical. I figure out the motives of others easily. I sometimes play along with manipulators as long as they only seek what I want to give.
    My childhood struggle was largley due to alcoholic parents. When they were sober I could be a kid but when they were bingeing I had to be the adult. I definitely preferred internal expressions. It was never safe to speak about my thoughts or even express them with crayons. I was always on guard so I didn’t give them a reason to get mad, which gave them an excuse to get drunk. As a result I’ve created amazing things in my mind and once it felt complete I was done with it. I never felt the need to bring it to life or present it to the world.
    My passion is to find out how things are made. . Most of the time just watching Youtube videos on such things is enough. But when it isn’t I go all out with a kind of reverse engineering approach. And much like the creations made in my mind, once I’ve figured it out and I’m happy with what I’ve learned I drop it. I don’t even care to pass on what I’ve learned to others. I’m done thinking about it.
    If any of this demonstrates a clear MBTI type I’d love to hear your reasoning! Because beyond the IN-IS I am clueless.

    Reply

    1. Hi there! Thank you for reaching out to me on here. Discovering your personality type can be a long process sometimes, especially when you have had to make adjustments to yourself based on your background or difficulties and trauma as a child. That is one of the greatest reasons that the MBTI® can have measurement error or difficulty typing someone. We as humans have to sometimes hide a great deal of who we are, or play a part, so that we can survive life, especially if our childhood’s are difficult or traumatic.

      It sounds like to me, from what you’re saying, that you could be an INJ type. What you describe as ‘sensing’ type tendencies are also somewhat common in NJ types. Introverted Intuitives, more than Extraverted Intuitives, prefer structure and a ‘plan’. INJs may not particularly enjoy the routine details of life, but they feel a certain compulsion to get them done so that things can be ‘finalized’ and they can focus on their main goals, objectives, visions, insights, etc,.

      You say that you can easily figure out motives and are skeptical. You also talk about wishing others would obey by the rules…these kinds of things could signal Extraverted Feeling. Fe users are very quick to pick up on other people’s goals and motives, and they can play along with manipulators/manipulate easily because they are in tune with what makes other people ‘tick’ emotionally. The way you tailored how you behaved as a child to avoid being hurt by your parents could also have been Extraverted Feeling at work. I can’t say anything for sure, because I haven’t given you the MBTI assessment or sat down and talked to you in detail about all of this…but some of what you mention seems to indicate you could be an INFJ or ENFJ. The only reason I give Extraversion as a possiblity is that many Extroverts, upon reaching retirement age, start developing their inferior function, which is Introverted in nature. This means that they may become more introverted than they’ve ever been before upon hitting that point of development. If you were an ENFJ your inferior function would be Introverted Thinking, which would be very interested in knowing about how things work for the sake of learning; not to tell other people or even pass on that knowledge. That desire to learn for learning’s sake, to dig deeper into the complex workings of machinery and engineering, is very common with those who use Introverted Thinking. If you were an INFJ, you would have tertiary Introverted Thinking (it would be your third favorite function, or your “relief” function). So while I may be completely off on your personality type, especially trying to type you through just a couple of paragraphs, I would say that there are strong indicators that you are an NFJ type. Hope this helps!

      Reply
  35. Pingback: Laudable Linkage | Stray Thoughts

  36. I’m somewhere between ISTP and INTP. Kinda like an S/N smoothie. :D. But yeah, both were pretty accurate for me. I could understand emotions more than the descriptions suggest, though I’ll admit a lot of it was through self-analysis of internal and external experience. Raising my siblings and caring for my parents probably helped as well. I was a young carer, so perhaps this is due to extra experience and early maturation rather than natural understanding. I don’t know for sure.

    This independence and responsibility also allowed me to mature and learn how to handle situations and the oddity of adults and adulthood, as well as understanding their own humanity, individuality, thinking process, responsibilities, etc. (not entirely a good thing, I became a very good liar and manipulator. I became very good at analysing people, though I wasn’t always the best at understanding them).

    Because of this I was able to handle school and education well. For example, my personal experiences, observations and understanding made me both very capable of the humanities and I loved it. I excelled at it. Science and math was iffy, though I did well enough to stay in the highest levels. English was good, but creative writing is probably the only artistic thing I’m even somewhat good at. I was able to keep the teachers on my side, so even if I screwed up I got away with it.

    It is true I preferred to do things my own way and got onto a small tiff with a teacher over an overly rigid assignment layout (I mean really, who cares what order we do things, she’d take it all in at once anyway, if the result’s the same or better, who cares if it isn’t your way.) I gave up and agreed and did it my way anyway. If I wanted it done my way, I just did it, especially as a teen, and got away with it by excelling, thus ending all and any arguments. :D. If I lacked the capability to do this I just followed their lead (reluctantly). This may also be because my logic said, good grades equals freedom at home, good relations with teachers, no punishments, free time, better future and trust. Bad grades on the other hand…yeah, not happening. The results could be…extreme. Not worth it.

    I do have difficulty with my parents (especially my mother), partially because she’s a major Feeler. The random outbursts confuse me. The things we get in trouble for are odd (e.g. not practicing something when the equipment required for it was broken…the heck?). They’re impulsive, illogical and horrible at listening and accepting new or different information (seriously, explosions ensue, just listen, grit your teeth and pretend to agree). Rules would change sporadically, it seemed like I was supposed to know and understand them instinctively. Asking for an explanation, reason or clarification, equals “HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY/DISAGREE/QUESTION ME!” It certainly made it more difficult to respect them. Did the inverse actually.

    I suppose it didn’t help I had a LOT of responsibility as a young carer (okay, so it’s my business when people are fed, what and how they’re fed, their health and wellbeing, raising them, keeping them educated and uninjured and happy and well, but I can’t ask about how to handle a situation when finance or health or something changes. What? None of my business? How the hell so? Sure, it’s your money, but i’m the one doing all the work here aren’t I? Aren’t your priorities getting mixed up? How am I supposed to do my job if you withhold vital info? What? Don’t yell at me, don’t hit me or send me to bed without food just because i asked you a question or pointed out something damaging or incorrect). Of course I understand some of their reasoning now (be a child!) but only some of it. Especially with getting important info from me or explaining things for me (pride, poor understanding of communication necessities and processes, mental instability). I pretty much just gave up and learned to adapt quickly and find info through more covert means.

    As for mechanics…yeah, I suppose. I mean, I seem to have always had an instinct for cooking. And when my stereo broke I just fiddled with it and it just suddenly started working (my fault? I dunno). Earning respect and rebellion? Definitely. I preferred quality over quantity. If my peers tried to regulate my interests or interactions…see ya later, I’m just gonna go over and talk to the kid you guys keep ostracising for god knows what reason. I recall exacting revenge on the stranger teachers (smashing the giant Easter egg given to a teacher who always took the bully’s side, hiding the personal bag and book of a teacher who yelled at us for being incapable of complicated maths we told him we hadn’t even heard of, and he did ask, all done stealthily of course, not my best or most mature of moments). I most certainly was very skeptical, very curious, very independent and very proficient of self-care. I was also very realistic, often called mature, reliable and down-to earth, even before hitting double digits, which made understanding and relating with my peers very difficult.I suppose the empathy and understanding gained from being a carer didn’t help much either. But I don’t mind,I like how I am now.

    Reply

  37. One thing I forgot in mechanics. some more examples;

    – Apparently when I was a baby I was good at getting what I wanted. For example, when I was a baby, if i was cold i’d just grab the blanket i was laying on and roll with it until I looked like a burrito.

    – Also, when I was old enough to crawl about there was a child safe gate in a hallway or doorway or something. Apparently I was always getting through it and confusing the hell out of my parents. Once I went missing and turned up waiting on the doorstep for the return of the occupants of a house across the road who had a baby son I played with. It was a some what busy road, cue simultaneous heart attacks and relief. My father only figured out how I was doing when he happened to see the process and hid himself. I’d undo the gate, take it off, get out, put it back on perfectly (was I a cool escape artist or what, even covered my tracks) then I’d make my merry way.

    – They then attempted a square cot. I’d just pick it up and take the thing with me. (how exasperated must they have been, at least I couldn’t get through doorways)

    As for social examples;

    – I learned how to talk very early and my first two words were butterfly and flower, of all things

    – I could hold conversations with adults at two-threeish and apparently not only talk the ears off adults, but scold them and put them in place if they were rude or abusive. (I actually still remember my father jokingly saying that even if my mouth was filled with marbles and my head was buried in cement and I was left underwater, all at the same time, I’d probably still talk. 😀

    – I loved cuddles though, couldn’t get enough of them

    Lastly, cognitive examples;

    – Always carried around a calculator

    – Understood complex concepts such as conception (and apparently chose to ask about it when surrounded by strangers at bus stops. Oops)

    – At some point between 2-4 years of age decided to read on my own and stubbornly read books until I understood them, buy the time I was 7 I was reading and completely comprehending books like Raymond E. Feist’s Empire series

    – at age 4 I understood responsibility and relation of words (do you mind if i do this, answer yes = no i don’t want it, no = it’s fine)

    I was very weird.

    Reply

  38. This post was beautiful……ALthough it does make me sad at all the misunderstood beautiful children there must be!!!!! I am an isfp after all….

    Reply

    1. Thank you! It’s wonderful to hear from an ISFP on here! They are incredible children with so many creative gifts 🙂 I really do wish that all children could be accepted for the unique individuals they are and nobody felt like they had to fit into some preconceived mold.

      Reply

      1. This is a very enlightening post Susan i just wish i had just a fraction of care and understanding that you have detailed above.Im an ISFP adult male and have always been very shy and sensitive and went through a horrendous time growing up with physical and mental abuse,rejection and criticism from my out of control mother, older brother and peers.I dont want to go in to great details on here but.ive suffered from severe anxiety and depression for most of my life and i believe i have avpd which is basically a severe form of social phobia.In your experience how many ISFP children with troubled upbringings suffer from anxiety and depression as adults compared to ones that have grown up in a more stable caring environment. Also can Myers Briggs be used as a tool when diagnosing mental health issues on the negative spectrum of personality type or is it best to stay away from it.Id appreciate your input.Thanks.

        Jason.

  39. Thanks for this post! My son is 9, and I’m trying so hard to know how best to understand him. I think he’s an INTP, and while I should understand that type well (I’m an INTP, too), he’s a boy and therefore is developing a bit differently than I did. Plus, I wasn’t really paying attention to my own development as a child (what child would?!?!), and I have a very poor autobiographical memory. I particularly found valuable the information about INTPs sensory perception. All his teachers want to diagnose him with Autism, but we’ve had him tested a few times, and no one is willing to label him thus. He has symptoms of Autism, but none of the major markers. He lives inside his head, has no desire to perform for his teachers (he knows what he knows and doesn’t really care if anyone else knows what he knows!), and has out-of-proportion emotional reactions when he can’t master something quickly. He’s very literal, but loves wordplay and quirky jokes he makes up himself (none of which are funny quite yet 🙂 ) He has no interest in academics in general, only in those subjects that fascinate him (science), and will pick any old answer, often making patterns with letters or the fill-in-the-bubble types of tests. His teachers get frustrated with me because I’m not really too worried about it. As an academic and an INTP, I know that he’ll learn everything in due time, in his own way. He doesn’t need to know where Istanbul is or what the capital of Montana is right now. Someday, he’ll find something about both of those places that fascinate him, and then he’ll delve in and learn about it within that context, and he’ll never forget it. And because INTPs extrovert intuition, he’s going to spend his life mining for data from every possible medium. He’ll get there, and he’ll probably pass up all of his S-type classmates who spend their time in rote memorization for the purpose of passing an exam, and who will probably forget most of that information because they have no other context for it than “is this on the test?”. I think it’s difficult for an N to fit into a world that is 75% S!

    I value these posts so much! Thank you! I can raise my son very deliberately with all this information, and foster his strengths while at the same time help him develop is weakest functions (Fe!). I’m an English professor (after having majored in Geology, theater, and linguistics along the way), and so I get to observe the human condition (with all its grotesque emotional excess and the actions that result from that! hee hee!) from an objective distance. Hopefully I can employ some of that knowledge to help him develop a healthy emotional life as well. We’ll see!

    Reply

    1. Wow, I can relate to you so much! Thank you for reading my post and leaving the kind feedback. My daughter is also an NT of some sort (it’s so difficult to type children because their function stack hasn’t developed very fully yet). She has the same issues which is why I currently homeschool her. I know she’s very smart, but she has to have an interest or she just stumbles through things without caring. When she cares about something (usually science-related) she will learn everything there is to know. It can definitely be difficult for intuitives in a sensor-driven learning environment. Even SP types have a difficult time because the elementary school system is largely run by SJ types, who learn by rote memorization while SPs learn by hands-on activity. I wish you the best of luck with your son! He sounds fascinating, and you do too! If you ever have any requests for specific INTP posts let me know! I keep a notebook of blog ideas next to my bed and love to add recommendations from people who read my site! Of course, as an English major, you probably are seeing lots of grammatical errors in this comment, haha!

      Reply

  40. Thank you, Susan and April! I’m highly appreciative of your posts! I’m currently a 22 year old male INTP, and would like to go out of my way to mention that your feedback is incredibly valuable to someone like myself.

    However, rather than talk about how I feel about your post/comments, I’d like to share some facts about my current state of being that may prove helpful to others reading this post.

    Not sure where to start, but here we go: I too have been considered to have aspergers/sociopathic tendencies, though never officially diagnosed. In my younger years I also excelled in science and math moreso than other subjects (likely due to my interest in them), and also suffer from a VERY poor autobiographical memory. As most INTP’s, it’s been easy to stay stuck in my own head to the point that it’s detrimental to my mental health. It honestly took me a long time to get past it (the crushing weight of the world’s suffering, that is :P), but something all INTP’s need to know is that you can always slow down, especially if the cost of not doing so could end your life. The practical stuff just doesn’t always matter (;

    Sorry parents, but I’ve also found myself to be a consistent drug abuser, as many of us end up being, just to help the anxiety. That being said, my casual drug of choice is marijuana (for anxiety and easing my thought process), but get ready for experimentation. At around 17 I had a set goal to try every drug out there (according to my own logic, “why not?”, right?). Better than never knowing at all! But my parents were obviously not the most accepting of my desires, and I ended up getting sent away numerous times just to, in the end, realise there’s nothing actually ‘wrong’ with me, and addiction is a frame of mind. The only thing I wish they had done better was to understand that a desire for any form of mental supplement is normal and not something to be ashamed of. Its how it’s handled, not the drugs themselves, that can make things bad.

    I’ve also been diagnosed with ADD (of course, right?), but not ADHD because I was never particularly hyper. To this day I currently believe that ADD is a symptom of underlying issues, and not the issue itself. I’d suggest not reinforcing the ADD as a defining characteristic of your children, however at this point in my life it’s become clear it’s simply a side affect of intellectualism, so it’s your call I guess.

    On that note, I’ll also say that until we (INTP’s) receive validation of our intellect, it doesn’t exist. Sometimes we might even question whether we’re smart at all! So although it seems like we might know it, until we have statistical or grounded evidence in the subject, we really don’t. If they’re near-sighted, be sure to tell them what it means. I’m sure they could use it at some point (:

    In terms of my adult life, I’d say being an INTP has been a very rewarding experience (internally, lol). I will, however, say that it’s been a struggle wanting to be a jack of all trades, and has ultimately led me down no defining path. I don’t struggle with being employed, I actually find jobs quite easily, but I struggle heavily with ‘wanting’ to be employed, as I can’t let my job NOT be seen as a direct reflection of who I am, and in most cases I feel very negatively about it 😛

    I’ve tried IT/computer based work, and it doesn’t matter if I’m good at it, it’s just not me. It truly was hard to come to that conclusion since it was basically my favorite thing, my whole life. I could see many others falling into the trap, so keep that in mind.

    Ultimately, what I care most about nowadays is paving my own lane in life, in ways that only I can. Sounds generic, I know, but I don’t know how any INTP doesn’t get tired of the system. It seems like a regular job will never be enough. I’ve been interested in teaching/professing, but don’t think I could handle the monotony of ‘modern’ (if we can call it that) education, especially if I have to pay for it.

    It took a while to gain an appreciation for the senses, but at this point I’ve developed a decent interest in art itself, what art can be, and what makes something beautiful. I hope to see more of this. Art was actually my WORST subject in all of my school years, by far.

    Out of consideration for an INTP child’s mental state, the sociopathic/psychopathic tendencies will pass. It was easy to internally breed hate for most of those around me, especially in highschool, but in the end it’s only amounted to wanting to help people like myself live a better (easier) life than I did. I’ll be honest in saying I don’t think I received the intellectual help I needed to make sense of the world, and I’d like to share that with similar minds as my sense of higher purpose. Speaking of higher purpose, I’m also a devout atheist, and I’ve read that it’s particularly common for my type, so have fun with that one (;

    I actually wrote a whole bunch more after this part, including a whole “stats” section, but it just erased :'(

    Anyways, I hope there’s still something useful in here. Please let me know if there is, and I’d love to talk more about it 🙂 Maybe I’ll even re-write the stats section, lol.

    Also, how is the English Professor position working out?

    Reply

    1. Hi Tyler. I LOVED reading your post! I want to start out by addressing your question about my job, mostly because it addresses a lot of the struggles you’re facing in terms of finding your own path. I love my job. I can’t believe someone pays me to do what I do. And while it took me 12 years of college to figure out what I wanted to do (and tens of thousands of dollars in student loans—I could be a doctor for how much I owe!), I finally found where I fit. I had four or five different majors, but I don’t regret any of the time I spent floundering around in college. Knowledge acquired is never wasted! You mentioned autonomy, “the system”, monotony, etc., and being a professor addresses all of those things very satisfactorily. I rarely have to answer to anyone, my classroom is my own, there really isn’t much “system” involved in higher ed (anything under college/university level would KILL me because of “the system”); I have autonomy and the academic freedom to teach what I want, how I want, as long as I meet all the course objectives and outcomes, which is no problem at all. I teach English because it appeals to my desire to be a jack of all trades. I approach writing as response (I’m more interested in teaching them how to think, because if they can think, then they’ll be able to write), and because I do that, I force my students to read about everything and then write as a response to being provoked. We read about culture, religion, politics, science, philosophy, economics…everything. In fact, for their major argument essay, I make them sift through a list of 150 statistics, and they have to research it until they know why that statistic is what it is, what cultural, political, social, religious, economic factors have contributed it to being what it is, and then they have to come to a reasoned position on the implications of what they discovered about it. I can’t tell you how many students change their minds based off of the evidence they uncover! They cannot ignore the evidence, because when they write their arguments, if the evidence is against their claim, they cannot support it. And not only do I correct their grammar and mechanics, I also argue against them, pointing out where their arguments are faulty, where their logic fails, and where their evidence is weak. I get paid to correct people’s grammar and faulty logic—it’s like the mother ship calling me home! It’s also nice because I only spend 15 hours in the classroom each week—the rest of my time is spent in my head—reading, researching, grading. Furthermore, my job is new every 16 weeks—new things to teach, new students to teach, new courses to teach. There is no monotony, and when a semester is going particularly roughly, I only have to endure it for a few weeks, because I know it’s going to end after final exams, and I get to spend a month in the winter and three months in the summer recharging for a completely new experience the next semester. I have little contact with my colleagues—well, as much as I want to have; I can be involved or not. It’s a very autonomous existence. The only thing that chafes is meetings that could have been a memo. (Ugh. Don’t waste my time, people!) I’m also surrounded by other intellectuals, which, for an INTP, is paradise! I’m always using my Ne to mine for data from my colleagues, and it has broadened my knowledge base considerably. (And I get PAID to do this!)

      I also appreciated what you said about validating the intellect of an INTP. I had no idea I was smart until much later in life, and I won’t make that mistake with my son. I would prefer someone tell me they think I’m smart than tell me they love me, because telling me I’m smart is the equivalent of an “I love you”! It’s a recognition of who I am at my core, what I value, etc., and an acknowledgement on the other’s part that they KNOW me. And INTPs crave to know and be known.

      I never really struggled with religion. I did, however, have to approach it from a logical standpoint. (Yes, there’s logic involved!) Most people approach their faith through their emotions, but I don’t. I see God in the system. There is order in the universe, and I see God in that order—in the intricate patterns of nature, in physics, in math (differential equations are beautiful on the page—elegant, artistic, logical). Order doesn’t come from chaos. It never has and never can, and if there’s order, there’s an architect of that order. I need to know that architect. I did, however, have to lay out every belief on the table, examine it, and pitch the nonsense and the dogma. When I was 17, I read C.S. Lewis’ essay, “Right and Wrong as a Clue to the Meaning of the Universe”, and it appealed so strongly to my sense of logic that I couldn’t ignore it. I’m hoping for the same thing for my son as well, but he ultimately has the freedom to choose for himself, and I will make sure he’s very aware of that (as a Libertarian, I cannot do otherwise!). I know INTPs are prone to agnosticism and atheism, though. It makes sense, but I find the rejection of God more an autonomy issue than an intellect/logic issue. One of my favorite Bible verses is, “Love the lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your MIND.” Well, if God prizes the human intellect (such as it is) and wants me to love him with it…well, I’m going to endeavor to do that with every IQ point I possess. It’s more fulfilling than I can express, and it doesn’t require something from me that I don’t have in my repertoire (that being the effusively emotional).

      I can identify with so many of your struggles—and then some! Being a female INTP is rough. I have a very masculine psychology, and spending time with groups of women is painful, but it’s where I am in the order of things, and so I’ve had to spend endless hours at baby and wedding showers, discussing birth stories and recipes, the whole while I’m in my head thinking “I’d rather be chewing glass right about now!” RSVP-ing to those events is like sentencing myself to a prison term, and the drive there is tantamount to a trip to the guillotine on a tumbrel (except I know there isn’t sweet death by decapitation waiting at the end of that drive!). At parties, I end up hanging out with the group of men talking politics or something, and so it looks like I’m trying to snag someone else’s husband. It’s a bit of a quandary, but I figure, look, if you’re going to invite me to a party, I’m going to have fun (for the limited time I stay), so either give me something to work with, ladies, or I’m going to have to pick your husbands’ brains, because they’re the mechanical engineers, economists, etc. who have something to say about the things I’m interested in hearing about. I don’t care what you had for dinner, which diaper service you use, or what craft you found on Pinterest. I sound so harsh, and I try not to project this frustration to the women I genuinely care about, but the struggle is real!

      Anyway, I really did enjoy reading what you wrote (and it tickles me that it was so long—INTPishly long!). C.S. Lewis once wrote, “We read to know we’re not alone”, and that holds true for comments in blog posts, too. I hope you are able to find your niche, but if you’re this cognizant of your type and its tendencies at 22, you’re in good shape. I didn’t learn about type until recently, so I struggled for decades trying to figure out what was “wrong with me”. It’s nice to know the answer to that is “nothing”. Nothing is wrong with me (well, except the stuff that is wrong, but it isn’t the fabric of who I am that’s wrong, and that was a revelation!).

      Reply

      1. April, reading your posts, I was amazed to find someone so similar to myself. I am also a Christian INTP female (and leaning Libertarian). We may be the only two! I also have a 10-year-old son who I believe may also be an INTP but possibly ISTP. We’ve never had any thoughts of autism regarding him, but he does have that challenge of insensitivity to others’ feelings. We have homeschooled since the beginning, and I think the constant interaction with his very sensitive younger brother (ISFJ) has helped a lot in that department. He does have ADD (not ADHD) to the max, never officially diagnosed, but I think that *usually* has more to do with personality than actual disorder. Homeschooling eliminates most of the problems ADD would cause, although I tear out my hair daily getting him to finish his math.

        My husband is ESFP. We are polar opposites except for the P, so I guess that makes us totally incompatible except for our mutual disorganization. It’s a challenge, but by God’s grace, we do very well. Are you married? I’d be interested to know about your dynamic.

        I appreciate Lewis’ quote about reading to know we’re not alone. I read your posts and felt less alone. I wish we were in the same town–maybe we are–but really, we’re introverts, so we’d probably prefer to type rather than meet, anyway. 🙂

      2. It’s so lovely to see comments by female Christian INT- intellectuals. I am a female probably-INTJ Christian theology teacher, and I identify so much with what you said about your reasons for faith. I grew up in faith, but I’ve sometimes tossed around the question of whether I believe because I was raised that way or for more objective reasons, and as I’ve gotten older I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s just so stinking logical. It’s nice to meet kindred thinkers here.

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  43. How accurate ???? This has been helpful to understanding more or being more aware about myself who is pretty hard to understand most of the time ???? Helpful too in being more sensitive about other types’ needs..thank you for this!!!!!

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  53. the life of an enfp is literally hell, shallow and exhausting. insatiable curiosity. nothing fullfills me.. it just keeps going through me, im like a fountain. and if i find something to take on i do not allow myself the courage to change the world with my ideas, so its like the cycle of insatiable curiosity hell never ends..

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  95. I am an INFJ but i feel like i was more of a ENFJ when a child. I was very good at making friends, and as a single child i longed for connection, and for adventure, to play with other kids etc. But after my parents divorce and a lot of other things happened i felt i had to shut down for a long time. Now as an young adult i feel more drained interacting with people that don’t know me well or are not so open to my presence. Is it really possible that i changed my personality type from childhood through constant reinforcement or was i just a more sociable INFJ as a child? It’s hard to tell the difference, but i would love to know a little more.
    Thanks

    Reply

  96. I couldn’t help but think of a snow globe when the INFJ’s intuitive process is interrupted. To me the process is akin to the ‘snow’ settling where it needs to, to ‘make sense’. When that’s interrupted, it very much feels like the snow globe has been shaken very vigorously and set all the particles flying all over the place again.

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  97. ISTJ part so precise. Everyone tells me I’m very mature dress like an adult and acts like one. I also like only a small group of friends but they aren’t really though. Yet I still love this though. It even describes my siblings very well too.

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  98. Showing up years late to the party lol. I don’t recall ever reading this article. As INFP a lot of that resonates with me. A couple of years ago. I learned from my dad that before getting divorced a couples counseling they were encouraged to do the MBTI. I did not know they did

    Dad ENTP mother unhealthyISTJ one of those were no detail is required here other than close to surface level example

    My dad for the past decade has been doing a lot of self discovery stuff and I noticed and that’s why I asked him where all this stemmed from and he mentioned 2004

    His way of debate and thinking and questioning authority makes a lot of sense and I do it that way, even though I’m a feeler type. I think part of it comes to having disabilities like visual impairment. You need to rely on a lot of things, such as touch and landmarks And your critical, thinking skills with orientation and mobility to problem-solving as a child really need to excel.

    But yes, perfectionist musician

    There were moments of keeping the peace for the wrong reason. There were some programs for blind and visually impaired kids during the summer and I did not fit in with a lot of other Blind kids. The two or three closest friends I found are also very introverted people and my husband.
    INTP

    Yes, for the record my husband did also tell me that a lot of his teachers suspected he had ADHD. For someone who’s logical I said why not get one of those evaluations to check it out? It’s only a hunch there’s no evidence.

    He suspected they might be right I kind of got the hunch too, but at the same time, let’s get it checked out and see if there’s something official

    It’s also weird to not fit the overly emotional feeling part as the general description of INFP
    Enneagram 6w5

    I’m glad the logic was very developed. Still did things at my grandmother‘s house. I wonder what she is she still alive. She’s definitely a feeling type if anything the big empathy came from her. She was more of a parental role, modeling and in comparison to my mother, my maternal grandmother did a lot of the caring for me and my younger sister. Given structure I would guess even if incorrect INFJ. A blender. Sister might fit INTP

    But yes, even with friends, grabbing objects in school, sculpting them into something or taking aluminum foil and making it look like a penis or a cat or whatever I wanted

    Or taking the pretzels with letters and spelling out cuss words just very generic, but funny kid stuff but still the intuition of something wasn’t right you knew it wasn’t except you didn’t know the reason until you find out what narcissism is all about but that’s a different story nonetheless when that person is diagnosed

    Besides the sensitivity that can still be a struggle. On top of that with too much stimulation and having epilepsy does not make the situation better. If I don’t pay attention to the energy or lack there of.

    What my mother perceived as constructive criticism, unfortunately she did it the way that society did which was discriminate, which made me believe there was a lot more wrong with me until you hear the type of criticism from my dad and you understand which type is improvement versus which one means tearing down self-esteem

    Understanding the polar opposite personality with the cognitive functions in a different orderESTJ. I think those came in when there wasn’t much structure and I felt the need to protect my younger sister from potential danger.

    Trying to understand the use of the phrase because I said so since it’s a statement without logic or reason. To me, it means because I’m permitted to abuse power of authority.

    Trying to find solutions to problems

    Could be taken as sarcasm, but I always wondered why people dish out so much criticism yet they can’t handle it or unsolicited advice that they do not follow. Just because somebody works in medicine yes, my mom does but I’m speaking about somebody else. This happened a few months ago do not give me a hormone lecture. When you know nothing about the complexity of optic nerve hypoplasia it’s neurological and hormonal issues number one. They were not a doctor. A nurse not to devalue what nurses do. The next thing was the person admitted to fear of solitude so why would you tell me to meditate without asking what I even do with myself?

    Mother did the same and my feedback was giving back her own unsolicited advice

    Helps understand why I got along with my dad. Encouraging me to question something if it is off. Helps learning to be more assertive

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