Do you ever feel like you and your partner, friend, or family member show love in completely different ways? As an INTJ I often show love by problem-solving or looking for intellectual intimacy. My ESTP husband shows love by calibrating thought processes and engaging emotionally (thanks to his tertiary function, Extraverted Feeling). Often in relationships we feel like the way we show love is the one “right” way and miss all the ways that our partners or other important relationships are showing care and concern. That’s why today’s article is so important!
Let’s get started!
How You Show Love, Based On Your Myers-Briggs® Personality Type
You show love by troubleshooting and solving problems for people. You are not one to sit idly by and let someone else wade through the glue of a problem when you could easily envision a pathway to relief. You easily spot patterns and create strategies, so you harness this gift to try to create a brighter future for the people you love. And while some people connect by sharing words of affirmation and praise, you create a sense of intimacy by exploring intellectual matters and making new discoveries with your partner. Mental intimacy is something that you crave and you seek out relationships with individuals who can meet you in the exploration of rich, mental or philosophical territory. On top of that, you’ll respect someone’s privacy and space. You know how crucial it is to get alone time and to have autonomy so you’ll offer that to the people you care about without question.
Find out more about INTJs: 10 Things People Misunderstand About INTJs
You show love by empathizing with others and really diving into their experience. Offering emotional support, giving words of encouragement and affirmation, and being a shoulder to cry on are all ways you reach out. You enjoy giving relational advice, being a sounding board, or hearing someone’s emotional story. Feeling deeply for others and putting yourself in their shoes is a natural way for you to show your concern and affection. You have a gift for creating a sense of emotional safety in order for others to be their authentic selves.
Find out more about INFJs: 10 Reasons Why INFJs Feel Misunderstood
Insightful and strategic, you show your love for others by giving them a vision of what their future could be. You enjoy motivating people with a strategy or plan that could transform their lives. You also enjoy problem-solving and giving logical advice or troubleshooting. You’re often the person with the plan, and being in this state of competence is one of the ways you look out for others. You likely say “I’ve got it!” a lot, because you do have it. When a problem shows up, you’re ready with a course of action – and this is just one of the ways you show you care. You’re often two steps ahead of the game; you’re somebody who can anticipate what might be coming next.
Find out more about ENTJs: Are ENTJs Smart? A Look at the Strategic Visionary
Being an attentive and empathic listener is one of your most special gifts. You have an uncanny ability to sense the emotions of others, and you’re naturally drawn towards building intimacy and delving into someone’s psychology. You often express your love with words, offering compliments and encouragement to those around you. You also enjoy painting a mental picture of a future possibility someone could achieve; inspiring and catalyzing them to go after their dreams. Spotting potential in people comes naturally to you, and you can often give people insights into themselves that they may have been blind to. Through mentoring, encouraging, and motivating, you show your love for others.
Explore more about ENFJs: 24 Signs That You’re an ENFJ, the Mentor Personality Type
People often underestimate you because of your quiet and reserved nature. But when you’re really close to someone, you show a creativity and intensity of knowledge that draws people in. You show you care by creating windows of possibility for others to see through. You open your mind to others and try to understand their ideas, worldviews, and principles. You also try to open others’ eyes to possibilities and solutions they may not have thought of before. Like other NT personality types, you create intimacy in the mental sphere. You enjoy discussing ideas, exploring theories, and making new discoveries to dissect and debate with your loved ones. Intellectual exploration is one of the top ways for you to forge a sense of closeness with someone you love.
Find out more about INTPs: 12 Fictional Characters You’ll Relate to if You’re an INTP
Listening deeply to what someone is saying and really allowing them to process their authentic feelings is one of the big ways you show you care. You enjoy understanding someone on a soul-level, and letting them share whatever they’re feeling in the moment – even if it’s not positive or happy. You are willing to sit with difficult emotions and help people process their feelings; sharing your own experiences when appropriate. Your intuitive insights can help others gain clarity about themselves and their situations, offering advice that comes from seeing the big picture and multiple possibilities. Generating options and seeing the potential in someone’s future is one of your special gifts. You also enjoy creatively expressing your love; whether that be through creating a playlist of carefully selected songs, drawing a picture, or writing a poem inspired by your loved one.
Find out more about INFPs: INFPs and Their Compatibility with Every Myers-Briggs® Personality Type
You show love by being a source of mental stimulation and enjoyment; engaging with others intellectually, philosophically, or strategically. You enjoy having conversations that challenge you and your loved ones to think differently and see things in a new light. In many ways you aim to show love by giving clarity and posing thought-provoking possibilities to people. When you see someone who is stuck in a self-defeating pattern or belief system, you often step in to help them see a new way of looking at the situation. You enjoy inspiring people to play with new ideas, perspectives, and angles.
Find out more about ENTPs: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ENTP
You show love by being authentic and sincere in your motivations and intentions towards others. When you love someone, you give them the respect of being real with them. You also enjoy listening to people’s stories and helping them build up their own dreams. You have an incredible ability to spot potential in people and help them hone their passions into something tangible. You also enjoy creating a physical or emotional space for someone to be themselves – a safe haven where they can express their true feelings and experiences. Your enthusiasm is infectious and it often rubs off on the people around you, making them feel more energized and inspired.
Find out more about ENFPs: How ENFPs Pair Up Romantically with Every Myers-Briggs Personality Type
As an ISTJ you show you care by being dependable, reliable, and loyal. You come through for people in tangible ways and offer a no-nonsense inner strength that gives people a sense of security. On top of that, you enjoy troubleshooting for people and helping them organize their lives. You often come up with practical solutions and strategies that can help people achieve their goals or objectives. Whether you’re helping a friend formulate a business plan, a partner file their taxes, or a child research their career prospects, you show your love by offering practical advice and guidance.
Discover more about ISTJs: Are ISTJs Rare? A Look at the Detective Personality Type
You’re someone who deeply feels for the emotional needs of others. You show love by empathizing, sympathizing, and offering validation and emotional support. Listening to peoples’ stories, noticing the details of their lives, and being understanding to their feelings is one of your special gifts. You show you care by going the extra mile for others, offering a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear when someone needs it most. You also enjoy creating comfortable and cozy spaces where people can relax and be themselves – whether that be in your home, office, or around the dinner table.
Discover more about ISFJs: 24 Signs That You’re an ISFJ, the Protector Personality Type
As an ESTJ you show love by providing a sense of security and stability to your loved ones. You see it as your job to be a beacon of strength and direction for those around you. You like to take charge and make sure that people have the resources and guidance they need, offering practical advice and logical solutions. You also enjoy having conversations with people; offering them a chance to discuss their problems and problem-solve together. Your decisive nature helps give people the confidence to tackle difficulties head-on, feeling safe knowing that you’re always there with a plan.
As an ESFJ, you take your responsibilities to heart and focus on being the reliable support your loved ones need through rain or shine. You love to plan events and create special moments with your friends or family; celebrating accomplishments, recognizing milestones, and creating or preserving traditions. Your warm and hospitable nature draws people in and makes them feel welcome in your presence. You also show love by offering emotional support and warmth; you enjoy guiding people through interpersonal struggles or creating a positive mood to uplift their spirits.
You show love by respecting and preserving the independence and privacy of others. You believe everyone has a right to autonomy, and you believe in cultivating that for your loved ones. You also enjoy helping people in practical ways; whether that be by tinkering with a car engine, helping someone move furniture, or offering useful insights that can make day-to-day life easier. And you have a protective side that shows up for your loved ones; no matter what crisis they find themselves in, you’ll be there to chart a course to safety and security.
Discover more about ISTPs: 5 Reasons Why You’ll Need an ISTP During a Zombie Apocalypse
You show love by creating a space for others to be their authentic selves. You turn off distractions and really listen to a person, letting their words reverberate in your heart and appreciating their stories. You also enjoy offering people creative outlets to express themselves; whether that be through art, music, or writing. And you have an incredible ability to give thoughtful gifts; often zeroing in on the perfect item that speaks to a person’s inner world and values.
Explore more about the ISFP personality type: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ISFP
As an ESTP, you show love by offering clarity of thought to people. Advising people, troubleshooting, and weighing in on difficult decisions is something you enjoy doing. You also enjoy showing people an incredible experience; whether that means taking someone to a concert, an amusement park, or simply giving them a massage at home. You want your loved ones to walk away from an experience with you feeling fully alive, mentally stimulated, and revved-up from the experience.
As an ESFP, you show love by creating exciting and memorable moments with your loved ones. You’re the spark that can turn any mundane activity into something extraordinary; often energizing a person and awakening them to the rich beauty of life. Your enthusiasm is infectious and it draws people in, making them feel seen and appreciated around you. You also take honesty to heart and believe in being real and authentic with your loved ones. Sometimes this means admitting your own mistakes, but it also means you don’t shy away from difficult conversations when they need to be had.
What Are Your Thoughts?
No matter your personality type, it’s clear that everyone expresses love in their own unique way. Do you recognize yourself in any of the descriptions above? What are some other ways you’ve seen people show love? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
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