INFJs are visionary, warm, supportive individuals with strong insights into human dynamics and relationships.
You’d think this would make them masters at the art of seduction, right?
Unfortunately, having insight into human dynamics doesn’t automatically make one an expert at flirting. As I’ve spoken to INFJs over the last week, I’ve heard lots of comments like this:
“I feel so awkward.”
“Someone would have to be as a subtle as a sledgehammer to get me to notice they are flirting with me.”
“I have no idea what to do.”
“I’ve learned to flirt, but it took practice, and I still feel semi-uncomfortable doing it.”
More than anything, INFJs expressed that they need to feel safe and comfortable with the person they like in order to be brave enough to flirt. They want to know that they can trust the person and that there’s at least a little hint of mutual attraction first. They might ask themselves questions like, “How comfortable are they with me? How honest are they? Are their intentions honorable? Will my feelings be safe with them?”
If you pass the INFJ’s safety-test, then they can go from being reserved, polite, and friendly to emotionally expressive, humorous, and steadfastly loyal.
The Flirting Style of the INFJ Personality Type
INFJs seek meaning and connection in their lives and have little use for casual, surface-level relationships. Sure, they may have moments of impulsivity where they go after someone who they lack a strong connection with. But for the most part, they’ll flirt with people who they can imagine some kind of a future with – however short or long.
#1 – They Give Up Their Alone Time for You
INFJs prize their alone time in the same way some people prize designer handbags or fancy cars. If an INFJ gives up their alone time to talk on the phone or meet up with you spontaneously, there’s a good chance they care about you. Just try to look out for further signs that they might be flirting because they can drop everything for a friend too!
#2 – They Bare Their Soul to You
When I surveyed INFJs about their flirting styles, more than anything, they expressed a deep desire to connect emotionally with someone they liked. They will be more emotionally open, express more of their deeper longings, and become more vulnerable with you if they like you. If they’re not into you, they will probably keep these things closer to the chest and appear slightly more guarded.
Some of the ways that INFJs might try to emotionally connect:
- They send you a mix-tape of their favorite songs
- They tell you things they’ve never told anyone else
- They call you up when they’re feeling down
- They show frequent physical affection when feelings are being shared
#3 – They Share Their Intuition with You
INFJs appear warm and caring to most people, but they’ll only share their deeper intuitions with people who have earned their trust. This is usually a sensitive area for them because they’re used to getting odd looks or reactions when they share their hunches or more complex insights. This is their most valued, private, part of who they are, and if they share it with you, it means they deeply value you as a person. If they’re trying to determine the future with you as a potential romantic partner, they might ask questions like, “Where do you want to be in ten years? What kind of girl or guy is your type?” They will usually try to ask these questions fairly innocuously so that they aren’t making things awkward or uncomfortable for themselves or you.
#4 – They Get Awkward Around You
When INFJs are with their friends or casual acquaintances, they tend to have a pretty solid grasp of the emotional dynamics of the room they are in. They tend to be gracious and friendly to people, and if they are confident, they may even have a gift for flirting and making eye contact. However, time and time again, INFJs have told me that they get uncomfortably awkward around their crushes. They giggle more, trip over things more, and make self-deprecating jokes to try to ease the tension.
Chances are, if they’re blushing, smiling, and regularly cracking odd jokes in your presence (without trying to get away from you) they’ve got a thing for you.
#5 – They Find Ways to Physically Connect With You
INFJs tend to be guarded about their physical space, except for when it comes to family and VERY close friends. If they’re finding excuses to touch your hand, bump up against you, or hug you, then it probably means they have feelings for you. Keep in mind, some INFJs will still feel too shy to get very close to you. They might approach you, only to retreat back into their personal space to avoid making things awkward.
#6 – They Analyze You
INFJs see people as having many layers. When they like someone, they want to peel back all the surface-layers and personas that get in the way of true, meaningful understanding. This can seem a little scary sometimes. They might playfully ask amusing questions, only to shock you with a random, “So what’s the meaning of your life?” or “What kinds of things make you cry?” Their stamina for socializing will become stronger when they’re with you. They will want to spend hours just getting to know you in a raw, intimate way, talking about everything from favorite ice cream flavors to childhood wounds to their greatest hopes and dreams. These long, meaningful conversations help them to connect the dots and understand what you’re like on a soul level.
What Are Your Thoughts?
Did you enjoy this article? Do you agree or disagree? Let us know in the comments! Find out much more about the INFJ in my eBook, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic.
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