Here’s What You Dread About First Dates, Based on Your Personality Type
The excitement and trepidation of a first date can make anyone feel a little queasy sometimes. While some of us love the thrill and expectation, others would rather hide under their sheets reading a book. But eventually many of us enter the dating scene and have to encounter the terrifying (or amazing) first date. What do you dread most when it comes to a first date? I’m not talking serial murderers or stalkers, I’m thinking of those moments that make certain types reeeally uncomfortable. Let’s take a look!
Keep in mind, these personality types are based on the Myers-Briggs® system. Here are what the different letters mean in each code:
E = Extroverted: Extroverts gain energy by interacting with the world around them (people, activities, experiences).
I = Introverted. Introverts gain energy by quiet inward reflection and analysis.
N = iNtuitive. Intuitives focus primarily on what could exist, possibilities, and what they can imagine. They are typically more visionary than grounded.
S = Sensor. Sensors focus primarily on what exists, their experiences, what they can do. They are typically more grounded and realistic than imaginative.
T = Thinking. Thinking types try to step out of situations so they can view them objectively. They focus primarily on the pros and cons, or cause and effect of a decision.
F = Feeling. Feeling types try to step in to situations so they can see how people will be impacted. They focus on ethics, values, and the emotional influence of decisions.
J = Judger. Judgers like having their outer world structured, organized, and planned. They like to have closure and prefer to work before they play.
P = Perceiver. Perceivers have an adaptable, flexible approach to life. They like to keep their options open and enjoy mixing work with play.
Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire!
Here’s What You Dread About First Dates, Based on Your Personality Type
The ENFP – Boredom
You want a date that inspires you and fills you with anticipation and new ideas. And while a certain amount of small-talk can be enjoyable, you see it as a gateway toward deeper discovery. When a date can’t get past small-talk, or when your ideas are censored because they’re too “non-traditional” that’s when you mentally check out. And that’s what you dread. You hope your partner will inspire your imagination and join you in novel, exploratory discussion and adventure.
The ENTP – Following the “Rules”
When it comes to dating, there tend to be a lot of social rituals that get in the way of truly knowing someone. As an ENTP you would happily skip past all the small talk and jump right into deep, thought-provoking conversation if you were given the chance.
The INFP – Uncertain Expectations
You consider yourself relatively open-minded and flexible. At the same time, when it comes to relationships you tend to crave something meaningful rather than purely sensual. In these days of “swiping left” over anyone who doesn’t seem attractive enough, you feel like relationships have become more and more shallow. Does your date want something long-term? Are they honest? Are they just looking for sex? Who are they really? All this uncertainty can leave you majorly stressed.
Read This Next: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an INFP
The INTP – Traditions
For you most of the “traditional” date nights seem hugely unappealing. Sitting awkwardly in a fancy restaurant trying to make conversation with someone you don’t know? Going to a loud nightclub where you have to shout to be heard? No, thank you. For you an ideal date would just “happen” without being forced. Whether you’re watching YouTube together and surfing the internet or hanging out with friends and suddenly decide to go off on your own adventure, you’d like a date to just evolve from normal daily activities.
Read This Next: 10 Things that Excite the INTP Personality Type
The ENFJ – Misunderstandings
Your warm, inspiring nature can light up the room, as well as the desires and expectations of the person you’re going on a date with. It’s not uncommon for your date to think you’re way more into them than you are, or expect something more than you’re willing to give on the first date. These misunderstandings can be extremely awkward and uncomfortable for you, and you desperately hope they won’t happen on your first date.
The ENTJ – Not Being Able to “Get to the Point”
All the social rituals and expectations involved in dating can be exasperating for you. You kind of wish that dates were more like job interviews. Both parties would bring their list of requirements and questions to see if the date is a potential match, and if it doesn’t work out – no hard feelings!
The INFJ – Awkwardness
You typically need extra time to feel comfortable around someone, so unless your first date is with someone you’ve known a long time you tend to feel a little awkward and nervous. How much should you say? Did you say too much? Do they like you? Can you bring up your favorite interest or would that be weird? You are good at reading people, but you tend to second-guess yourself on the dating scene. Awkward silences and minor faux-pas (like getting food stuck in your teeth) can seem excruciatingly embarrassing to you. You’d prefer a date that seems “natural” (taking a walk, perusing a bookstore). You also hate ambiguity on a date – you want to know what your date is really like on a deep level, and you want to know how they feel about you after it’s over.
Read This Next: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an INFJ
The INTJ – Wasting Your Time
On a typical night, an INTJ would rather be reading a book than going out with someone they hardly know. If they forfeit their evening for a date that turns out to be shallow, rude, or boring they’ll be disappointed at the loss of time. They want a date who thinks outside the box, asks fascinating questions, and cares about important matters. Getting to that level of depth on a first date can seem “inappropriate” and this drives INTJs crazy.
Read This Next: What it Means to be an INTJ Personality Type
The ESFP – Pushiness
First dates are typically exciting for you – they offer the promise of adventure, romance, or at least good food. But you dread sitting down with a partner who has expectations you’re unwilling to meet right away. You dread unwarranted advances or expectations that aren’t stated but acted upon. You also hate letting your date down if the chemistry is non-existent.
The ESTP – Formality
Why do so many first dates have to involve dinners at stuffy restaurants or viewings of cringe-worthy rom-coms? You want a date who has a sense of adventure and is willing to think-outside-the-box! Going through all the social rituals and traditions involved with dating can get tiring for you. You’d prefer to take your date to an escape room or go kayaking together!
The ISFP – Awkwardness and Phony Behavior
You prefer dates that revolve around a shared interest or activity rather than sitting across from someone and trying to think of things to say. You especially dread the formalities of dating – you want to skip past surface-level conversation and get real with the person you’re with. You know the initial discomfort of a first date is natural, which is why doing an activity rather than just sitting and eating often attracts you. You also dread the potential of your date only showing you their “best” side and not being their true self with you.
Read This Next: What it Means to be an ISFP Personality Type
The ISTP – Trying to “Read” Your Date
You love your alone time, and it takes someone pretty special to pull you out of your independent state. This means that when you do finally venture out on a date, you can be excited yet nervous about how you come across. Navigating small talk is one thing – navigating your date’s expectations is a whole other level of challenging. Is this silence awkward or normal? Should you kiss them or not? Do you both want the same thing? These kinds of deliberations can make dating frustrating for you.
Read This Next: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ISTP
The ESFJ – Not Having Your Feelings Matched
You like a lot of emotional give-and-take in a relationship. When you take the leap and go out with a romantic prospect, you really hope that you can read your date’s cues effectively. You want open, authentic conversation and clarity. Essentially, you want a good picture of who your date is and what they want in the relationship – casual, serious, friendship? Pre-date you tend to worry that your expectations might not match those of your date. You worry that you’re warmth and enthusiasm will be met with coldness or mystery. You don’t want to be left with nothing but ambiguity – THAT is the worst part of dating for you. And because you hate ambiguity so much, you also dread letting your date know if you aren’t interested in them after date #1.
The ESTJ – The Gamble
You’re not especially scared of dating, but if there’s one thing that drives you crazy it’s gambling on your time. You prize efficiency, time-management, and closure. Unfortunately, in the dating world everyone is looking for different things. You’re gambling your time and money by going on a date without knowing what the outcome will be. Ideally, you’d date someone you’ve known for many years – that way you have a clearer idea of what you’re getting into. But if this isn’t the case, you’ll dread getting all ready for a night out with the possibility of getting mixed signals in return.
The ISFJ – Saying the Wrong Thing
You love cozy evenings at home with your books or your dearest friends. Going out on a date can feel both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. As an ISFJ you care about the impression you make and you worry about either running out of things to say, or blurting something out that’s embarrassing or misunderstood. You tend to re-play embarrassing moments in your head over and over again, so you desperately hope that you won’t do this about your upcoming date.
Read This Next: 10 Things You’ll Relate to if You’re an ISFJ
The ISTJ – Having to be Emotionally Open
As an ISTJ you feel things deeply, but you rarely open up about those feelings until you know someone very well. Dating often requires emotional connection and personal revelations that can make you feel vulnerable. You dread being authentic about yourself and being rejected, misunderstood, or worse, laughed at. You worry that your date will expect you to be much more self-revealing and emotionally expressive than you naturally are.
Read This Next: What ISTJs Do When They’re Really Stressed Out
What Are Your Thoughts?
What do you dread most on a first date? Does your experience match the experiences written in this article? Do you have any input for other people of your type? Let us know in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
You’re spot on with the INFJ!! I don’t do the dating thing any more, but, yes, I tried hard to avoid ordering “problem” foods or putting myself into an awkward position. I called myself playing it safe on my last actual date eighteen years ago by just meeting for coffee. I was thinking, “I got this.” I totally blew it!!! I wanted the date to be absolutely perfect! Somehow, I managed to mess things up–in my mind anyway–and I have no doubt that even had I known then about personality typing, I still would have flopped!
Deep analysis afterward, though, is a must!! I have to know whether we’re on the same page… or not! If not, then it’s time to spend hours trying to isolate and fix the “problem” in me, so I can avoid it in the future. Now I know simply to ask. Works every time and it’s a lot easier :-). My marriage of 16-1/2 years is proof of that!
Don’t forget the countless conversations in my head *before* the date! I talked and talked, supplying her side in my imagination. But in reality (inferior Se,) my attempts to relate rarely took off like they did in my head. I was too afraid of the unexpected, I suppose. I prefer the check boxes of grammar school: Do you like me? Check yes or no. Those were real confidence builders!!!
I’m glad to be where I am now (late middle age.) I can behave much more naturally, because my expectations are perhaps a bit more down to earth. Expectations about myself, that is. I could go on, but I don’t want to do my usual intense thing and totally go overboard. You know how INFJ’s are :-)…
Thanks for the article!
You nailed the INTJ!!
Bold of you to assume an INFJ would date someone they haven’t known for years 😉
Love this article though
Feeling- …? Oops I’m thinking that the F for feeling got overlooked when defining the different types.
Thanks for letting me know about this Nicolette! I went in and fixed this after I got your comment 🙂