According to a survey conducted in 2020 by the University of Chicago, only 14% of adults say they’re very happy. This is the unhappiest most adults have ever been, down from 31% who said they were happy in 2018.
Surely, 2020 had plenty to offer in terms of stress and unhappiness for many. Between widespread illness, racial inequality, and political tensions, there was a lot going on that amped up our collective unease. Because of all this, it’s important to know when our loved ones aren’t doing so well. When we know someone is unhappy, we can try to form productive conversations, be more empathetic, and have more sympathy for difficulties they might be facing.
But sometimes it’s not so easy to say we’re unhappy.
Sometimes it’s not so easy for someone to ask for help.
What are some signs that an INFJ in your life is unhappy? What little habits or tendencies are warning signs that you should look out for? That’s what we’ll be exploring today.
Table of contents
- 7 Signs That an INFJ is Secretly Unhappy with Their Life
- #1 – They’re Unusually Impulsive
- #2 – They’re Constantly Tired
- #3 – They Ghost You
- #4 – They See No Future
- #5 – They’re Always Around People
- #6 –They Can’t Concentrate
- #7 – They’re Critical and Detached
- Is It Depression?
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
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7 Signs That an INFJ is Secretly Unhappy with Their Life
#1 – They’re Unusually Impulsive
INFJs in a stress-free zone are typically careful, observant, and insightful. They don’t like to make sudden decisions because they want to analyze the implications of something first. When INFJs are stressed, the opposite is true. They become more impulsive, reckless, and hurried in their decisions. They may rush people around or become unusually impatient. They might splurge their savings, buy tickets for a last-minute trip, or blurt out something hastily that they regret later.
#2 – They’re Constantly Tired
When INFJs are getting into regular flow states or being inspired, they have energy and optimism for the future. When they’re depressed or uninspired, they feel fatigued and drained. INFJs without a vision for the future feel listless and apathetic, as if they’re lost in a fog and unable to find a light to guide them home. In order to escape this reality, they may sleep whenever they can, slack on their responsibilities, or just shut down.
#3 – They Ghost You
If you’re a good friend or a close family member with an INFJ and they suddenly ghost you, there’s a good chance that they’re overwhelmed. INFJs feel a lot of responsibility for their relationships and will often put other people’s needs ahead of their own. They tend to do this for a long time and then suddenly out of the blue “go dark.” They withdraw from people – even the people they love – until they can re-enter a state of emotional equilibrium. During these phases, even the simplest text message can feel like a huge burden. Getting words out in a socially appropriate, friendly manner can feel confusing and stressful. Many INFJs have reported that they’ve lost friends over these ghosting periods. If you are an INFJ and you’re reading this, try to give your close relationships a heads-up that this can happen so that your friends know it’s not personal. If you’re friends with an INFJ, try to be patient with them during this time. Understand that they are likely just overwhelmed and stressed and it’s not a reflection of their commitment or concern for you.
#4 – They See No Future
Normal INFJs spend a great deal of time thinking about the future, forecasting how things will happen, and imagining the things they hope will come to fruition. Unhappy INFJs feel like the future is shrouded in darkness. They feel stressed and incapable of imagining how events will unfold. If you ask this INFJ “Where would you like to be in five years?” they’ll probably get flustered and annoyed. A healthy INFJ, in contrast, usually has (or is seeking) a long-term goal or idea to motivate them.
#5 – They’re Always Around People
INFJs are introverts. If their schedule is jam-packed with social engagements, chances are they’re stressed and stifled. If you’re married to an INFJ and they’re spending all day in a busy office, then coming home to take care of children, and you expect them to spend the entire evening with you, chances are they’re feeling overwhelmed and out of touch with who they are.
#6 –They Can’t Concentrate
INFJs often have great skills of concentration. They enjoy focusing on one thing at a time and diving deep into analysis and introspection. When INFJs are stressed or depressed, it’s difficult for them focus on any one thing and they may feel an urgent need to just “shut off” in terms of sleeping, watching television, or otherwise distracting themselves from their thoughts.
#7 – They’re Critical and Detached
Stressed or unhappy INFJs are often tired of trying to make people feel good. They stop caring what people think and about “blending in” socially. In fact, they may feel a sense of relief in laying out criticisms, nitpicking other people’s statements, or even starting a debate over the logic of something. While they may not seem overly angry or emotional during these phases, chances are, they’re feeling stifled and inhibited. You can discover more about this in my article about the INFJ Ni-Ti loop.
Is It Depression?
Signs of depression can include things like:
- Changes in eating habits
- Changes in sleep habits
- Lack of enthusiasm for the future
- Disinterest in things one normally enjoys
- Thoughts of suicide or hopelessness
- Fixation on death
If you are afraid you or your loved one are suffering from depression, you should seek professional help. Below are some free services and hotlines you can check out for help:
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) FREE HELP HOTLINE – 1-800-662-4357
Text HOME to 741741 for free 24/7 crisis counseling.
Mental Help Depression Hotline at 1-866-307-8980
Mental Health of America’s Depression Screening Test
If it’s not depression, but you want to find some ways to de-stress and find flow, here are some helpful links that I hope you’ll look into:
To discover more about your personality type, check out my INFJ eBook below: