Last week we embarked on an epic, hypothetical voyage, stranding all 16 Myers-Briggs personality types on a desert island and watching the chaos ensue. Your overwhelming response was: “Hey, we want more personality-infused desert island drama!” Well, dear readers, ask and you shall receive. With that in mind, this week we’re switching gears from Myers-Briggs to Enneagram. Yes, you read that right. This week, we’ll explore how each of the nine types would survive alone in the middle of nowhere. Who will befriend the wildlife? Whose existential crisis will kick in first? Stay tuned to find out!
Before we go on, however, if you’re reading this, thinking “What in the world is my Enneagram type?” we’ve got you covered! Click right here to take a quick, enlightening test that’ll figure it out for you. Because honestly, wouldn’t you like to know if you’re the type to strike up a friendship with a seagull or the one to have an existential crisis over a lack of Wi-Fi?
How the Nine Enneagram Types Would Survive on a Deserted Island
Enneagram 1: The Reformer
Oh, the Enneagram 1s. Their immediate reaction to being stranded? Outrage. “Why is this island not up to code? Where are the clearly marked emergency exits and the stockpile of vegan, gluten-free emergency rations?” After a proper tantrum, they snap into action. If there’s a way to survive on a desert island in accordance with all moral and ethical principles, the Enneagram 1 will find it. They’ll fashion a solar-powered desalination device from seashells and palm leaves by day two, and by day three, they’ll have established a strict daily routine that includes mandatory sunscreen application and allocated time for despair. By the end of the week, they’ll have developed a comprehensive rulebook for desert island survival, complete with a code of conduct and a three-strike penalty system. The wildlife will be the most law-abiding creatures you’ve ever seen. Sanity? Optional. Order? Absolutely non-negotiable.
Find out more about Ones: The Enneagram 1- The Perfectionist
Enneagram 2: The Helper
Well, the Enneagram 2s are in a pickle. Stranded on an island, they’ve quickly realized there’s no one to help, no one to thank them profusely for their selfless acts. How will they survive without people to take care of? Can appreciation be substituted with coconuts? That aside, they’ve adapted surprisingly well. They quickly set up a nurturing environment for the island’s wildlife, offering support group sessions for stressed parrots and bandaging wounded turtles. They’ve even tried to teach the crabs how to ask for help, to very little success.
But, oh no, the Enneagram 2s do not ask for help, even if they’re lost at sea. Instead, they’ve assembled a smoke signal system that only spells out “Are YOU okay?”. Their life raft isn’t a plea for rescue, it’s a giant floating welcome mat for any passing ships. However, they’ve hit a wall with their need to be loved. Their main companions are coconuts, and no matter how much they chat with them, the coconuts remain maddeningly indifferent. It’s a rough world out there for an Enneagram 2 on a desert island.
Find out more about Twos: 21 Signs That You’re an Enneagram 2 Type
Enneagram 3: The Achiever
Now let’s talk about our Enneagram 3s – the Achievers. Being stranded in the middle of nowhere? Minor inconvenience. They see it as a golden opportunity to become the best desert island survivor there ever was. They’re already planning their Instagram comeback post, complete with a catchy caption and strategically posed photo. “Lost at sea? No problem! Living my best life on this deserted island!” they’ll write, while secretly hoping for more than three likes. Heck, by the end of the first day, they’ve already crafted an ambitious 5-year island success plan with full-color graphs, pie charts, and a mission statement that reads, “Turning Coconuts into Capital Since Today”.
The Achievers are extraordinarily busy, so much so that they haven’t had the time to notice the absence of human companionship. Emotions? Who has time for those when there’s an island to run? They’ve created a 7-step program to ensure they only indulge in feelings between 2:05 and 2:12 PM daily. During this ‘Emotion Recess’, they’re allowed to sit down, take a breather, and ponder the existential horror of their situation.
But fear not, Enneagram 3s are nothing if not resourceful. They’ve started a coconut oil production plant, built with their bare hands and sheer determination. They’ve convinced a group of monkeys to work in their factory. And don’t worry about ethical concerns, these monkeys receive a fair wage in bananas. The Achievers have also launched a one-ape marketing team, responsible for spreading the word about the all-natural, organic, artisanal coconut oil across the island.
However, the inevitable had to happen. The Achievers’ ambition eventually leads to their escape. With nothing but a compass fashioned from a seaweed needle floating in a coconut shell filled with water, a map drawn in the sand, and a raft made of driftwood and vines, they chart a course for the nearest civilization. After all, they have businesses to start, mountains to climb, and worlds to conquer. And, perhaps more importantly, they’ve been itching to update their LinkedIn profiles with their new survival skills and business acumen.
Find out more about Threes: 10 Telltale Signs of an Unhealthy Enneagram 3
Enneagram 4: The Individualist
Now let’s have a soul-searching look at the Enneagram 4s, our poetic and introspective Individualists. For them, being stranded on a deserted island is not a survival scenario, but an avant-garde performance art piece. Their first order of business? Not to scout for food or fresh water, but to find the most tragically beautiful spot for their new abode. Because if you’re going to be stranded, you might as well do it with style, right?
Their inner sensitivity blossoms in tune with the raw, untouched nature around them. They’ve taken to speaking in haikus to match their picturesque surroundings. “Lonely island life, / Embraced by the sea’s cold kiss, / I weep with the gulls.” They declare dramatically to the wind, their voice barely heard over the crashing of the waves.
Fours have no problem confronting the darker sides of life, and they’re oddly comfortable with the existential dread of their situation. Unlike the other types, they’re not looking for a way out. They’ve befriended their loneliness, taken their despair under their wing, and are in the midst of writing a 12-part epic poem about the experience. Oh, and they’ve also named each of the stars, assigning them intricate backstories filled with longing and unrequited love.
Their survival strategy? Being the most unique survivor out there – they’ve constructed a shelter out of driftwood and seashells in the shape of an abstract sculpture, and their SOS signal is a tasteful, minimalist design etched in the sand. They’re not just surviving, they’re crafting a narrative, weaving a poignant tale of solitude and self-discovery. Instead of a rescue ship, they’re probably expecting a book deal out of this experience. But hey, who are we to argue? After all, they’re the ones who turned a survival scenario into a one-person existential retreat!
Find out more about Fours: The Enneagram 4 – The Individualist
Enneagram 5: The Investigator
Next up are the Enneagram 5s, the Investigators. Oh, what a field day they’re having on this deserted island! For them, this isn’t a dire survival situation, it’s a scientific experiment with a sample size of one: themselves. They’re not just living on the island, they’re studying it, understanding its ecosystems, its tides, its temperamental weather patterns. By day three, they’ve drawn detailed maps with annotated notes about the flora and fauna. By the end of the first week, they’ve begun advanced studies in coconut botany and crab sociology. People? Pfft, who needs them when you have a plethora of untouched knowledge to discover?
You see, the 5s aren’t big on expending unnecessary energy, and this island is essentially a paradise of energy conservation. No social obligations to drain their battery, no inane small talk, just them and their thoughts. They’ve established a strict routine: an hour for exploring, two for contemplation, half an hour allocated for basic survival tasks like eating and drinking, and the rest of the day? Pure, uninterrupted alone time to theorize about island dynamics.
They’ve mastered the art of efficiency, using minimal effort for maximal results. Why build a shelter when you can repurpose a large, hollow log? Why hunt when you can create a simple yet effective trap system? Why physically shout for help when you can construct an automated SOS signal using a series of mirrors and some well-placed rocks? The Investigators have got this survival thing down to a precise science. And when they’re finally rescued, they’ll have a full research dissertation ready to present on island life and the art of self-sufficiency.
Find out more about Fives: The Enneagram 5 – The Investigator
Enneagram 6: The Loyalist
Here come the Enneagram 6s – the Loyalists. Need for security? Check. Distrust? Check. Existential dread? Double check. They’ve got it all. For them, being stranded on a deserted island is like being stuck in an endless loop of the worst case scenario they’ve been rehearsing in their heads since they were five.
Their first order of business? Building a secure fortress out of palm fronds, driftwood, and rocks, complete with a moat to deter any potential threats. Threats like… coconuts falling from trees, rogue seagulls, or the occasional crab looking a little too menacing.
And Sixes wouldn’t be Sixes without a little community support. Meet Bob. Bob the Boot. They’ve painted a face on him, and he’s now their most trusted confidante. In fact, the Six has formed a committee with Bob, holding daily meetings to discuss island safety regulations and emergency procedures. Who else can they trust if not Bob? After all, Bob has been through a lot; he’s been chewed, kicked, stepped on, and yet, he’s remained sturdy – if that’s not resilience, what is?
And of course, they’ve put Bob in charge of lookout duty. With Bob standing guard, they can rest peacefully, knowing someone reliable is keeping an eye on things. They might have gone a little overboard with the existential dread, constantly questioning if the island is real or just a figment of their anxiety-riddled imagination. In between bouts of existential crises, they’re busy formulating escape plans, only to scrap them minutes later because of a newly discovered loophole.
In the end, the Loyalists might just decide to stay on the island, where at least they know what to expect. The unpredictability of society? That’s a whole other level of anxiety for them. Plus, Bob seems to be enjoying his new role as protector and confidante. Who are they to leave him behind? After all, he’s their only friend who doesn’t judge them for their constant worrying.
Find out more about Sixes: The Enneagram 6 – The Loyalist
Enneagram 7: The Enthusiast
Now, let’s turn our attention to the Enneagram 7s, our perpetually excited Enthusiasts. Initially, the idea of being stranded on a desert island hits them like a coconut to the head. “No Wi-Fi? No friends? No Netflix to binge?” you can almost hear their horrified gasps echo across the ocean. They might have even shed a tear or two (in complete privacy, of course, we can’t let the coconuts see them cry).
But, ‘down in the dumps’ isn’t a place the 7s like to stay for long. Quickly, they turn their anxiety into a distraction, inventing fun-filled island activities to keep their spirits up. In less than a week, they’ve established the first-ever Island Olympics with events like ‘coconut tossing’, ‘crab racing’, and ‘sea-shell collecting’. They’ve convinced themselves that the island is just an extended vacation and they’re embracing the ‘rustic’ lifestyle wholeheartedly. There’s a non-stop party in their corner of the island, complete with pineapple roasting, storytelling, drumming on coconut shells, and laughter echoing into the night, intermixed with the sounds of the ocean. Their parties end only when their laughter turns to screams of existential dread, echoing across the desolate shoreline as they confront the reality of their situation. By the time the sun rises, however, they’re ready again to face another day of island shenanigans, their fears set aside for the time being.
But through all the made-up fun and games, there’s a deep-seated desire for rescue. No matter how much they try to convince themselves that they’re having a great time, they can’t quite suppress the longing for music they don’t have to play on a coconut, the latest Netflix releases, and most importantly, the company of other people. Although their smoke signals usually read, “Having a blast! Wish you were here!” if you look closely, squint your eyes and tilt your head to the left, you can make out the faint words, “SOS – Get me out of here.”
Discover more about Sevens: The Enneagram 7 – The Enthusiast
Enneagram 8: The Challenger
Brace yourselves, it’s time for the Enneagram 8s. The Challengers. They view landing on this deserted island not as a crash, but as a planned arrival to a territory ripe for conquest. They’re the ones who probably orchestrated this whole “stranding” to test their mettle. “Survival of the fittest” is their motto, and they’re confident that they are, indeed, the fittest.
Upon arrival, their first order of business is to assert dominance – over the trees, the crabs, the coconuts, the very air they breathe. They stare down the ocean until it retreats a few inches. They outshout the parrots and outsoar the eagles, and the coconut trees? They’ve been trained to drop coconuts on command.
The Enneagram 8s have no interest in being rescued. They’ve found a place where they rule, a place where they’re the apex predator, the top of the food chain, the King or Queen of the Castle. They’ve built a throne out of driftwood, donned a crown of starfish, and declared themselves the sovereign rulers of “Islandia.” Why would they want to leave this paradise to be an ordinary citizen in the mundane world of regulations and restrictions?
So, if you’re looking for an Enneagram 8, you’d better pack a suitcase, because they’re not coming back. Their smoke signals don’t spell out “SOS” but “GTFO.” After all, why be a minor character in someone else’s story when you can be the protagonist of your own? Yes, it’s lonely at the top, but the view? Spectacular!
Find out more about Eights: Seven Struggles of the Enneagram Eight Type
Enneagram 9: The Peacemaker
And now let’s gently mosey up to our dear Enneagram 9s, the Peacemakers. Stranded on a deserted island, their immediate course of action would be, well, not much. It’s not that they’re lazy, no, it’s just that the idea of being alone, away from conflict and demands…well, that honestly sounds like a pretty nice vacation. They’ll take a good look around, let out a sigh of relief at the lack of anyone to disturb their peace, and promptly take a nap. Their motto (because they always have one)? “No people, no problem.”
In their newfound solitude, there’s no ‘peacekeeping’ to be done. There are no heated debates to mediate, no group decisions to make. There’s only them, the sand, the sea, and the silent whisper of the wind through the palm fronds. And in this quiet, the Nines start to hear a voice they hadn’t really listened to before – their own. They discover that away from the maddening crowd, the incessant need to mute themselves, their desires, their ambitions, their personality, they can actually hear their own thoughts, wishes, and dreams. It’s a startling revelation for them – “Wait, I have my own wants? And they don’t involve making everyone else happy?”
This self-realization jolts them into a mode of action. They naturally integrate to Three in their newfound drive and ambition. Their “island life” becomes structured, efficient, and goal-oriented. They find themselves making to-do lists on pieces of tree bark, scheduling their day down to the minute – 8:00 AM: Yoga on the beach. 9:30 AM: Breakfast – banana and coconut smoothie. 10:00 AM: Build a raft. They keep a record of their progress and rejoice in the achievements they’re making on their own terms, without having to consider anyone else’s feelings, needs, or demands.
The smoke signals the Nine creates don’t say ‘SOS’, but ‘I AM HERE’, signifying their new-found independence and self-awareness. The rescue team might just have to drag the new, improved Nines away, while they kick and scream, “I just found me! Don’t make me lose myself again in the noise of other people’s expectations!”
Discover more about Enneagram Nines: Seven Struggles of the Enneagram Nine Type
What Are Your Thoughts?
As our Enneagram personality voyage concludes, we can’t help but wonder: how do you picture your survival narrative unfolding on a deserted island? Do you see yourself as a ruler like the 8s, a party enthusiast like the 7s, or have you discovered your inner Zen-like the 9s? Perhaps you’ve imagined a completely different scenario! This is where we invite you, dear readers, into the conversation. Hop on to the comments section below and share your own thoughts or experiences!
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