What You Need to Know Before Dating Any Myers-Briggs® Personality Type
The world of dating and relationships is a tricky one full of pitfalls to dodge and misunderstandings to avoid. If you know the personality type of the guy or girl who’s caught your eye it can make avoiding conflict and needless arguments SO much easier. Here are some helpful things you should know about each type so that you don’t have unnecessary fights and squabbles.
Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTI® here.
Dating an ISTJ – What You Need to Know
ISTJs need to know they can count on you. Mean what you say, keep your promises, and show up on time! They need to know you’re sincere. Phoniness, manipulation, and two-faced gossip are major turn-offs for them. Don’t take them for granted, don’t be wishy-washy, and don’t assume that since they don’t ramble about their feelings they don’t have any. ISTJs have deep, private feelings and values but they need to establish trust before they will talk about them. Once trust is lost, it’s very hard to gain it back!
Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ISTJ
Dating an ISFJ – What You Need to Know
ISFJs need to know that you’re there for them through thick and thin. Follow through on your commitments, be clear about your expectations, and notice when they do nice things for you! Say thank you, use your manners, be considerate and responsible. Don’t force them into new situations without warning, and use a good dose of common sense in your decisions. ISFJs tend to have a strong balance of both feeling and logic so they can tire of people who make rash, emotional decisions without considering logic or people who focus on all-logic without consideration for the people involved.
Related: 10 Things You’ll Relate to If You’re an ISFJ
Dating an ESTJ – What You Need to Know
ESTJs need to know that you’re responsible and confident about your decisions. They value honesty, hard-work, and competence. Show up on time, keep your promises, and have a plan for your life! Laziness, complaining, and lack of personal responsibility are the weaknesses that put an end to a relationship with an ESTJ. Remember that ESTJs will appear very direct and straightforward, even tactless sometimes. Don’t take this personally; this is generally the way they talk to everyone, even those they love. Respect their time, use facts and logic to back up your assertions, and be willing to have fun! ESTJs work hard, but they know how to play hard too!
Related: Understand the Cognitive Functions of the ESTJ
Dating an ESFJ – What You Need to Know
ESFJs need to know that you have strong values, that you care about them, and that you’ll be responsible and reliable. Show up on time, be conscientious, and show consideration for ALL people. Wishy-washy behavior, laziness, and tactlessness will add tons of tension to a relationship with an ESFJ. Think about what you say before you say it, consider their perspective, and show propriety and thoughtfulness for the effort they put into the relationship and making it special. Notice the little things they do to make everyday experiences extra special.
Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ESFJ
Dating an ISTP – What You Need to Know
ISTPs need to know that you respect their independence, that you mean what you say, and that you’ll accept them for who they are without trying to change them. Don’t pry into their personal lives, micro-manage them, or rush them into serious commitments before they’re ready. Try to have fun and pay attention to the actions they take to show they care. ISTPs don’t discuss their emotions much and are more likely to show their affection through action and acts of service rather than words. They want someone with their own goals, their own dreams, and a good sense of humor and common sense. If you’re looking for someone who will bare their soul on the first date, you might be disappointed, but if you want someone who’s analytical, practical, and adventurous then this is your man/woman!
Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ISTP
Dating an ISFP – What You Need to Know
ISFPs need to know most of all that you are being honest with them, and they also want someone who knows how to relax and enjoy the moment. Micro-managing them, rushing them to make decisions, or being loud/obnoxious/domineering are quick ways to put an end to your relationship. ISFPs need time to carefully consider long-term decisions. They also need someone who’s willing to have fun and go on an adventure with them. ISFPs enjoy being spontaneous, exploring the world, and being actively involved in nature and new experiences. They bond with their partners through experience and discovery and are looking for someone who’s ready to buckle up and find some excitement with them.
Related: 10 Things You’ll Relate to If You’re an ISFP
Dating an ESTP – What You Need to Know
ESTPs need to know that you won’t try to put them in a box, control them, or manipulate them. It can take them a while to truly commit to someone, but once they do they’re in it for the long haul. They look for someone who has a sense of adventure, who’s willing to laugh at themselves, and who has their own goals and dreams. ESTPs want to show you a good time; this is one of the ways they show they care. Be willing to take risks, be spontaneous, and notice when they go out of their way to give you a good experience. Whatever you do, don’t rush them, micro-manage them, or emotionally manipulate them. The more you try to force a decision from an ESTP, the more likely he is to want to get out from under the relationship.
Related: 10 Things You’ll Relate To If You’re An ESTP
Dating an ESFP – What You Need to Know
ESFPs need to know they can trust you and have faith in you. They look for integrity and playfulness in a partner, someone who’s sincere and value-oriented but who also knows how to laugh at themselves and enjoy new experiences. They want to be with someone who’s willing to scale Mount Everest with them, who won’t shy away from new experiences and radical honesty. They absolutely hate being micro-managed, controlled, or belittled in a relationship. Dishonesty, close-mindedness, and judgmental criticism will put major stress on the relationship. Whatever you say, ask yourself if it is true, if you’ve thought about its impact on others, and whether the criticism is constructive and kindly worded.
Related: 10 Things You’ll Relate To If You’re An ESFP
Dating an INTJ – What You Need to Know
INTJs need to know their partners are honest and have integrity and intellectual curiosity. They are extremely independent types, often called the most independent of all 16 Myers-Briggs® personality types. It’s important to keep this in mind if you’re in a relationship with them because no matter how much they love you they’ll need their own time to pursue their own interests. They also are very private about their emotions and won’t share them readily unless a great deal of trust has been established and they are in exactly the right mood. Otherwise, they tend to see emotions and feelings as rather irrelevant. This doesn’t mean they don’t care, however. Once committed they are deeply loyal and devoted to their partner, but they’re likely to show this through actions and commitment rather than words and verbal demonstrations. Whatever you do, don’t try to push the INTJ into too many social engagements, don’t pry excessively into their emotions, and don’t misinterpret their silence or independence for lack of caring.
Related: 10 Things You’ll Relate To If You’re an INTJ
Dating an INFJ – What You Need to Know
INFJs need a partner who is willing to explore the future with them and who is willing to stand by their values. In a world that often misunderstands their intuitions, they want someone who can listen to their visionary thoughts and insights without shutting them down or trying to “bring them down to earth”. It’s important to know that INFJs are very independent and perfectly willing to be on their own, so if you’re inconsiderate, overbearing, or narrow-minded they’re usually perfectly happy to go back to single life. They are often looking for a best friend or soulmate rather than a casual relationship. They look for depth in all their relationships, so shallow, wishy-washy, or surface-level relationships will hold little interest to them. It’s also important to remember that no matter how much they love you they are still introverts and need plenty of alone time to recharge and pursue their own interests. So try not to over-schedule their time with social obligations!
Want to find out how compatible INFJs are with all the other Myers-Briggs® personality types? Check out my eBook, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic.
Related: 10 Things You’ll Relate To If You’re An INFJ
Dating an ENTJ – What You Need to Know
ENTJs need to know their partners are competent, dependable, and sincere. Be direct about your needs and desires with an ENTJ and never give the silent treatment or be passive-aggressive. Be open to discussing big-picture ideas and possibilities and don’t try to control them or force them to accept a view just because it’s traditional or standard. Remember that ENTJs are very blunt, logical individuals who may struggle to understand the emotional impact of their words. They can come across as tactless and harsh, even with people they care about, but it doesn’t mean they don’t care, in fact, they might care very deeply. If they hurt your feelings, tell them directly how they did it; don’t hide your feelings and harbor bitterness. This will just irritate and confuse them and you. They want to take care of their loved ones and they are likely to show it through actions and deeds rather than verbal demonstrations. They also like to be decisive and productive, so procrastination and laziness will be major turn-offs.
Related: Understanding ENTJ Thinking
Dating an ENFJ – What You Need to Know
ENFJs need to feel a deep and meaningful connection with their partners and they rarely settle into a relationship unless they feel there is a lot of mutual respect and commitment. They tend to put other people’s needs first in a relationship and they greatly value harmony, so it’s important to recognize this and show appreciation for what they do and not be unnecessarily critical. Don’t try to control their thoughts or beliefs, don’t be harsh, and don’t try to tell them how they should live their lives. ENFJs have very strong ideas about the future and what’s right and wrong and dislike being directed or controlled. They are also constantly striving towards self-improvement so people who aren’t interested in personal growth or improvement eventually can become boring to them. Be willing to look at the future with them and see the possibilities and potential in store for yourself!
Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ENFJ
Dating an INTP – What You Need to Know
INTPs need to have independence, trust, and mutual respect in a relationship. They want someone who will explore ideas and theories with them, someone who is intellectually curious and understanding. They are skeptics and questioners above all and need lots of time to explore their own worlds and thoughts. It’s important to remember that even if INTPs spend a lot of time on their own this doesn’t mean they don’t like you or care about the relationship. They are one of the more introverted introverts and will quickly tire of a lot of socializing. They also tend to be uncomfortable sharing their feelings and emotions, so don’t take a lack of “heart to heart conversations” as a sign that they have no emotions. Many times they are more comfortable writing their feelings down then saying them out loud. Micro-managing an INTP or being emotionally volatile with them will make them feel uncomfortable and uneasy in a relationship. They care deeply about their partners, but sometimes they don’t know how to show it in the “traditional” ways. If an INTP is making time for you then they care for you.
Related: 10 Things That Terrify INTPs
Dating an INFP – What You Need to Know
INFPs need authenticity, open-mindedness, and gentleness in a relationship. They are above all driven by their values and imagination and are trying to find a way to improve the world or envision an ideal future. They need a partner with dreams and integrity – someone who appreciates their ideas and their sensitive, compassionate nature. Whatever you do, never mock or belittle an INFP‘s feelings or values, never be hypocritical or emotionally manipulative. They are very attuned to hidden motives and will accept nothing less than your true self. They’ll also quickly notice if your actions don’t line up with your words. If you’re honest with them they can be exceptionally understanding. INFPs also dislike being rushed into decisions or overly controlled. Give them space and time to think things over before expecting a major commitment.
Related: 10 Things You’ll Relate To If You’re An INFP
Dating an ENTP – What You Need to Know
ENTPs need someone who can take on the future with them. They want to explore ideas, dreams, possibilities, and potential with their partner. The future holds so many opportunities and transformations and they want someone to join them for the journey. What ENTPs don’t want is someone who will try to control them, force them to make commitments before they’re ready or someone who stifles their ability to brainstorm and think about the future. They may also shy away from traditional rules or norms, instead looking for newer, innovative ways to do things. It’s important to remember that ENTPs are thinking types and, while often charming, they can sometimes be tactless with their words. This doesn’t mean they don’t care or that they’re intentionally trying to hurt you. Be direct with them and let them know if they’ve hurt your feelings so that you both can find healing and understanding.
Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ENTP
Dating an ENFP – What You Need to Know
ENFPs need someone who’s open-minded, curious, and ready to explore the possibilities of tomorrow. Like the ENTP, ENFPs love to brainstorm and delve into abstract theories and conversations about the future and how things will be someday. They like to experience new sights, topics, and cultures. They don’t want to feel bound by tradition, rushed into a commitment, or limited in their possibilities. They want someone who will join them in their discoveries and someone who will be radically honest with them about who they really are. ENFPs want to see someone’s dark and light side, not just the side that looks good on social media! If you’re manipulative or phony with an ENFP they’ll pick up on it pretty quickly! So above all, be sincere and open-minded and be patient when you’re waiting for a decision on something.
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Find out more about your personality type in our eBook, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type.
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