Everyone needs an ESTJ in their life.

I would know.

I married one.

ESTJs are often labeled domineering and blunt, with nothing but high expectations for everyone in their immediate vicinity. These accusations have some truth, but they also curtail what is actually going on in the mind of an ESTJ. At their core, ESTJs want to help solve problems effectively and efficiently, for the betterment of people around them. They do these tasks so well that others come to count on them with little to no appreciation for their efforts. It’s as though the ESTJ’s high work ethic and drive are expected, but not respected or valued.

That’s a no-go for me.

They deserve recognition.

Like all the gold stickers on a sticker sheet level of recognition.

In my husband’s words, “people expect me to do everything and only sometimes I get a thanks for it. Yet I can’t help but do the work anyway because I take pride in what I do.”

ESTJs hold themselves to such a high standard that the amount of responsibility they hold upon their shoulders would prove crippling if another were to take their weight. The high expectations they hold others to is only half the weight they hold themselves to. ESTJs are so dedicated and driven in the causes they set themselves towards that one can’t help but admire their strong will.

I’m fanning myself.

Excuse me.

It’s not hard to imagine how dedicated this type is towards their love interest. Or the lengths they would go in flirtation style.

Prepare to be wooed.

  1. They Persistently Pursue You

An ESTJ who is infatuated with you will be there for you over and over again. They are consistent in their nature and will drop hints they are smitten with you wherever they can. If ESTJs are interested in you, they want to prove they will be there for you, no matter the cost.

My husband and I met in high school. The way he tells it, he hit on me almost every day we saw each other, whereas I just thought he was being nice and funny. (I’m a bit daft.) However, that didn’t stop him from striking up conversations with me and trying to figure me out. I was very shy and would often sit with my headphones in to avoid talking to people, but he would talk to me anyway and I’d take my headphones out just for him. He would learn something new about me and bring it up in our next conversation. The level of persistence he had in approaching me, despite the clear barrier I created with music, denoted a level of care I can’t fathom to this day.

ESTJs aren’t known for their patience but when it comes to the people they want to build their life with, they seem to have an abundance of it. When an ESTJ is interested, they’re interested. No amount of time, force, or barrier could change that.

  1. They Boldly Approach Your Needs

As described previously, ESTJs are great at fixing problems and knowing what to do in a range of situations. Their competency level is high and widely applicable. When it comes to your needs, they will be on them like a slab of butter melting on pancakes.


Whenever I have a need of some kind, my husband has always been right there trying to figure it out for me. I need a new computer? He’s researching the best fit for me. I broke the vacuum again? He’s fixing it. I need another approach to write the characters in my story? He’s right there giving advice.

As soon as you state a problem, it’s as though the ESTJ will manifest the correct solution. They’re so tactical and have such a broad range of abilities that they seem to like putting themselves to work for you. They take great pride in being able to provide you a service, in a way, and will not take no for an answer. If I bring up even the smallest issue I’m experiencing with my husband, he’s got it.

I highly, highly appreciate ESTJ care in this way.

  1. They Traditionally Romance Your Heart

ESTJs really want to show you off in ways that prove their adoration to the world. They’ll post about you on social media and share pictures of the fun things you do together. ESTJs generally want to showcase their firm connection to you, in any way they can.

ESTJs are known for their connection to tradition, as most SJs are. They highly respect the traditional idols of romance: flowers, long walks, chocolates, going out to restaurants, and so on.

As an ISFJ, I eat all that up.

When my husband and I got married, he paid for a service that displayed both of our family crests together within an elaborate black frame. Inside the frame, our wedding date was displayed between the crests in order to show the “morphing” of our two families. A very sweet, romantic gesture, that seemed to denote the historical significance of our love while also connecting us to the past. He made a point to hang it on our wall in a place everyone would see when they came into our home.

It’s no coincidence that an ESTJ will court you like a white knight. They’re old school enough to be part of the round table.

  1. They Will Protect You at All Costs

The bold flavor ESTJs present comes out especially strong when their loved ones come into play. One wrong word or accusation against the people they care about will bring out a drastic, cutting response. It doesn’t matter whether your mom says something against you or a stranger on the street. An ESTJ will not stand for someone tearing down the people they cherish.

My husband has jumped to my defense on several occasions. He’s so in tune with my emotional spectrum at this point that he “knows” what will grate me. Things I would try to avoid an argument over with family members, despite my being hurt by them, he will call out point-blank. My husband just won’t stand for anything that’s negative towards me. As I’m naturally more apt to stick up for other people than for myself, his will to address the issues both excites and terrifies me.

Much like an all you can eat chocolate fountain.

ESTJs have such abundant care and consideration for their partners it’s hard to put into words. They can come off harsh sometimes, but nearly everything they do is tied to considering the benefit of their loved ones. They don’t get enough credit for how loving (and sexy, if I’m being honest) their responses that come out somewhat brash actually are.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Did you enjoy this article? Do you have any thoughts or experiences to share? Let us know in the comments!

About the Author:

Jami Wilson is an MBTI® enthusiast who hopes to shed more light on the SJ experience. She holds a very stereotypical degree in History (MA) and loves to learn all she can about the people around her. Follow her on YouTube, Twitter, or Medium @ WholesomeMaiden

Other Articles You Might Like:

What It Means to be an ESTJ Personality Type

5 Ways to Annoy an ESTJ

10 Things You Should Never Say to an ESTJ

Get an inside look at how ESTJs flirt when they like someone! #ESTJ #MBTI #Personality


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Jami Wilson

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Get an in-depth look at how #ESTJs flirt when they like someone! #ESTJ #MBTI #Personality

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