Here’s How You Want to Be Encouraged, Based on Your Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

Encouragement is a strange thing. The exact words that make one person feel understood can make someone else want to leave the room. One friend may need you to sit beside them and ask what’s wrong, while another would prefer that you quietly fix the leaky faucet, leave a snack nearby, and give them two hours without questions.

After years of studying personality type and working with people from all sixteen Myers-Briggs® types, I’ve noticed that encouragement works best when it respects how the person naturally processes stress. Some people need to talk before they can think clearly. Others need to think before they can talk at all. Some regain confidence by imagining new possibilities, while others need proof from past experience that they’ve survived hard things before. None of these approaches is inherently better; they’re simply different ways of finding solid ground again.

Of course, personality type can’t tell us everything about what someone needs. Our history, relationships, circumstances, and individual preferences matter too. Still, type gives us a useful place to begin. It can help us stop offering the kind of support we would want and start paying attention to what might actually reach the person in front of us.

In this article, we’ll look at how each personality type tends to respond when they’re stressed or discouraged, as well as what may help when they’re working toward a goal and need a little momentum. You’ll also find practical ideas you can try, because “be supportive” is good advice, but it leaves quite a lot unanswered.

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Estimated reading time: 27 minutes

The ENFP

When ENFPs are feeling down they tend to lose their typical enthusiastic, possibility-seeking nature. They can develop a sort of “tunnel vision,” feeling that the future holds no hope and all their ideas will inevitably fail unless they get one goal accomplished perfectly. During this phase, ENFPs need encouragement for what they have done well in the past. They despise platitudes or empty praise. They need empathy, active listening, and concrete examples of how they’ve succeeded in similar situations previously. Sometimes they will need extra space and time alone to sort out their thoughts and feelings.

If an ENFP needs encouragement or motivation towards a goal, inspire them with a picture of the future. Join them in their imagination and let them elaborate on their creative ideas. Validate their vision and let them know what they mean to you personally. Encourage them to stay on track by occasionally asking them about their project and how it’s going. Continue to let them know that you can’t wait to see how it turns out! This sense of accountability and motivation can help ENFPs to finish what they start rather than get sidetracked by a new, alternate possibility.

“The best way to cheer me up is to listen with empathy and validate my feelings with comforting words, help me gain perspective of the bigger picture, and then get me to laugh at myself or the situation in a light-hearted way. Also, ice cream.” – Caitlin Hawekotte, MBTI® practitioner and Coach

ENFP: Try This

• If they’re pursuing a goal, arrange a relaxed weekly check-in to help them keep the original vision in sight.
• Ask, “Do you want to talk, brainstorm, or have some space?”
• Remind them of one specific time an idea of theirs worked out, especially when they doubted it at first.

Read This Next: 7 Reasons Why You Need an ENFP Friend in Your Life

The ENTP

When ENTPs are stressed or depressed, they can become unusually withdrawn and critical. They may feel like they can’t access their normally innovative nature. Possibilities feel hidden to them and there’s a sense that their imagination and creativity have gone to sleep. One of the best ways to encourage ENTPs in this phase is to give them some space and time to process what’s happening to them. This may not “seem” like encouragement, but outward praise and comfort can actually make them feel worse. They often prefer to be alone for a while. However, when they re-emerge from their isolation it can help them if you remind them of how they’ve handled similar situations in the past and succeeded. Showing them through actions that you have faith in them is more encouraging than words most of the time.

If an ENTP needs encouragement towards a goal or achievement, what they want most is someone to join them in their vision. Let them elaborate on the possibilities with you! Show an active interest in their speculations and ideas. If they feel uncertain of themselves, let them know you believe in their abilities. Ask them if they need help staying on top of the steps needed to accomplish their goals. Many ENTPs report that they appreciate “accountability partners” who help them stay on top of their projects and who encourage them to finish what they start.

“I don’t take praise very well. It’s usually superficial, and ENTPs are the masters of delivering superficial praise, so we don’t bite on it in return. Our internal hyper-self-criticalness requires the encourager to be someone we respect or an authority we acknowledge.” – @TundraVision, X User

ENTP: Try This

• Give them some time alone before offering advice or encouragement.
• When they’re ready, ask, “Want to talk this through, or would a distraction help?”
• If they keep starting new projects, help them choose one small milestone to finish before chasing the next interesting possibility.

The INFP

When INFPs are feeling gloomy they tend to withdraw from the world around them. They often need space to emotionally process what’s happening to them. Friends who make an effort to be with them in their frustration without pressuring them to feel better are valued. They don’t want to be “forced” to look on the bright side and they hate to be rushed through their emotions. An INFP would appreciate someone who invites them to talk about their feelings, even if they’re negative, and assures them that they won’t be judged. A delicious snack doesn’t hurt either!

If an INFP needs encouragement in a project or goal, it’s important to verbally acknowledge their vision. Validate their ideas, their perseverance, and let them know that you have faith in them. Let them know what their idea or project could mean to people in a personal way. Ask them if they need help organizing the project so that it doesn’t seem overwhelming. Many times INFPs have grand, complex ideas but get lost when it comes to breaking their vision down into sequential steps.

“Say this: “Tell me all about how you feel and take as much time as you want. I enjoy listening to you.” This is very hard to find. I can’t even pay a therapist for this since talk therapy seems to be out of favor. Failing this, a distant 2nd would be to take me to the beach.” – @iammom4rs, X User

INFP: Try This

• Invite them to talk without putting a deadline on when they should feel better.
• Ask what the goal means to them personally; reconnecting with the reason behind it may restore their motivation.
• Offer to help turn the idea into three manageable next steps, without taking control of the project.

Read This Next: 7 Ways that INFPs Make an Impact

The INTP

INTPs who are struggling with disillusionment often need space and time alone. They don’t want to be inundated by questions or frantic encouragement. They often feel like they can’t analyze things as clearly as usual when they’re stressed. They feel overwhelmed with emotions that confuse and maybe even embarrass them. Having to be around people, especially intrusive people, during this time can be maddening for them. After they have had some time alone, it can be helpful to have their frustration validated. Simply letting them know that you can understand their perspective is helpful. Verbally affirming their choices (if you agree with them) is important. They also tend to feel a sense of relief if they can be excused from some non-essential obligations.

If an INTP needs encouragement or motivation in a goal, it’s important to not inundate them with a lot of advice or input. This can make them lose their focus. Simply show enthusiasm for their idea and actively listen as they talk about it. Ask questions. Let them know that you believe in them and their abilities. Be attentive. Sometimes when they have an idea they know the process and the logic of what they’re doing, but they can struggle with presenting it to others. If they need help with “selling” their idea or sharing their vision with others and you have a gift in that area, perhaps you can team up with them in this aspect.

“When I’m down or discouraged, I’d rather not talk to anyone if all they can say is “it’s okay,” or “everything will be okay,” because I see no point. I’d rather they avoid talking to me about it at all or talk about other stuff and let me sort it out on my own. I rarely tell others about my ongoing problems and ask for advice anyway. Usually, I tell others about a problem after I’ve solved it.” – @risaachaaan, X User

INTP: Try This

• Reduce interruptions and let them think before asking for an explanation.
• Skip “Everything will be fine” and try, “I can understand why that doesn’t make sense to you.”
• If they have an idea they’re struggling to present, offer to help organize or communicate it while leaving the reasoning in their hands.

Read This Next: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an INTP

The ENFJ

When ENFJs are struggling in life or chronically stressed, they can become more isolated and detached than usual. They may be especially self-critical, finding ways to blame themselves for all the issues they are dealing with. They can also become obsessed with details, trying to find solutions or “fixes”. When ENFJs are in this phase it’s important not to come along and offer MORE solutions (this will only make them feel worse). What they need is someone to pull them aside and offer support. Simply letting them know that you are there for them, they can say whatever they want to say, and no matter how it sounds you will listen without judgment is extremely encouraging. ENFJs are one of the only types who really want people to draw closer to them under stress rather than leave them alone. Show them you’re there. Don’t nitpick what they say because they’ve probably done enough of that already. After offering support and letting them vent, sometimes having a laugh or getting a change of scenery is encouraging for them.

If an ENFJ isn’t depressed or stressed, but needs encouragement towards reaching a goal then your strategy should be different. Join them in their vision, plan with them, dream with them. Let them know that you have faith in their abilities and ask them if they need any help with the details. Check in regularly to ask how things are going to show that you support them in their efforts. Show them the personal implications of accomplishing their goal – how it will impact others, how it will improve the world, how it aligns with a value of theirs.

ENFJ: Try This

• Say, “You don’t have to make this sound reasonable. You can just tell me what’s going on.”
• Take them somewhere low-pressure for a walk, coffee, or a change of scenery after they’ve had a chance to vent.
• For a goal, help them connect the tedious next step to the people or cause the larger vision will serve.

Read This Next: The Shadow of the ENFJ Personality Type

The ENTJ

When ENTJs are discouraged in life they tend to pull away from people and isolate themselves. They become fixated on accomplishing tasks, but the more stressed they are the more mentally “fuzzy” they become. Often it seems like they’re losing control of their emotions, something that makes them feel helpless and irritable. What they don’t want is someone wandering around asking them how they feel or pestering them with questions. They need space and time to work things out. When confronted during an extremely stressed phase, ENTJs can become especially reactive and angry. They don’t like this part of themselves and will regret it later, so they prefer to be left alone. However, this doesn’t mean you should just ignore a discouraged ENTJ. While they’re taking some time to sort things out, look for a project that you can help with. Is their kitchen a mess? Are there some manageable responsibilities you can cover for them? Simply showing small acts of service will show them they’re supported and not alone in their struggle. It’s also helpful to let them vent after they’ve had some space to sort things out. Let them know you’d be happy to listen if they want to talk, and that you won’t judge or interrupt them.

If an ENTJ isn’t discouraged but just needs some motivation to reach a goal, then ask them how you can help. Show them in a tangible way that you’re there for them. Talk about the future – let them show you their vision and how they plan to get there. Believe in them. ENTJs usually don’t struggle with motivation, but they feel frustrated if the people around them seem disinterested or doubtful of their capabilities. They enjoy talking about their goals with people who will discuss the long-term benefits, the procedure, and the strategy of how to make something work. ENTJs enjoy having their competence affirmed, so this is a great way to do that.

ENTJ: Try This

• Give them room to cool down, then make one practical offer: “I can handle dinner or that phone call. Which would help more?”
• Invite them to vent without interrupting, correcting, or turning the conversation into an emotional interrogation.
• If they’re pursuing a goal, ask them to show you the strategy and identify one obstacle you can help remove.

“I do not like to be encouraged or cheered up. If I feel down about something, it means someone that I love is hurting or I failed in a task. Either way, I need extraverted-sensing activities (walking, exercise, driving) alone until the overwhelmingness of the feeling subsides and my thinking can get back to attack mode.” – @bama_buck, X User

Read This Next: 10 Things You’ll Relate to if You’re an ENTJ

The INFJ

When INFJs are feeling disheartened or stressed, they withdraw from people and become more distant and detached. They often feel like the emotions of everyone around them are overwhelming and even small noises can seem abrasive. It’s important not to be critical of INFJs during these phases because they’re likely already criticizing themselves internally. Give them some space and quiet to sort things out. Don’t judge them or punish them for needing some space. After some time alone ask them if they’d like to talk. Assure them that you’re there to listen as long as needed and you’re not there to make judgments or admonish them. Show empathy, give them a hug (if you have a close relationship), offer them something to eat (this was mentioned by many INFJs I surveyed.) Get outside with them and take a walk in nature or go for a drive and listen to music. Sometimes simply getting a change of scenery can help them to sort things out and find new inspiration and joy.

If an INFJ isn’t stressed or discouraged, but simply needs motivation or encouragement in a goal, then your plan should be different. Hear them out, ask them about the future they see, get excited with them! Sometimes INFJs have a clear vision but are not sure how to get there. If you have skills with organizing ask them if they’d like any help putting together a plan or arranging the details of their idea. Check in regularly to see how their project or goal is coming along – this can help them to feel motivated and inspired to stay on task.

“These are things that encourage me: Compliments on my appearance, expressions of confidence in my wisdom, and encouragement to trust my insights. Going on a fun outing involving yummy food or taking pictures is also good. Also hugs and fun conversations.” – Hannah Joy

INFJ: Try This

• Lower the sensory pressure by reducing noise, dimming harsh lights, or suggesting a walk somewhere peaceful.
• After they’ve had time alone, ask, “Would you like company, conversation, or another hour to yourself?”
• If their vision feels too large to act on, help them choose one concrete step they can complete this week.

Read This Next: 10 Signs of an Unhealthy INFJ

The INTJ

When INTJs are seriously stressed, they usually go in one of two directions. Some disappear into their own heads and try to think their way out of the problem. They want a plan, a new angle, or at least some idea of where all this is going. Others become strangely unlike themselves: impulsive, restless, indulgent, or suddenly determined to buy something unnecessary at midnight. In both cases, the deeper problem is often the same. Their usual sense of direction has become fuzzy, and they can’t see the path ahead clearly enough to trust it.

Give them some space before asking them to explain what’s happening. INTJs often need time alone to untangle their thoughts, especially when every idea seems to be crashing into three others. It also helps to make the environment less demanding. Turn down the noise, dim the lights, postpone anything that doesn’t truly need to happen today, and take an unnecessary responsibility off their plate if you can. You don’t have to force a breakthrough or cheer them into a better mood. Sometimes the most useful thing you can offer is fewer demands while their mind resets.

Encouraging an INTJ who is pursuing a goal is different. They usually want to know that you understand what they’re trying to build and aren’t going to lose faith the moment the plan becomes difficult. Let them walk you through the idea, including the parts that sound overly detailed or ten years ahead of schedule. Ask thoughtful questions and listen closely enough that they don’t have to keep explaining the basic premise.

Specific recognition matters here too. Tell them when their reasoning is sharp, their solution is original, or their persistence has impressed you. INTJs are unlikely to be won over by loud, generic enthusiasm, but they tend to remember the person who understood the vision before anyone else could see it.

“The act of trying to cheer me up tends to make me irritated/angry. I’d rather be left alone until I can work through it on my own. Being encouraged is very different from being cheered up to me. Encouragement entails genuinely believing in me and helping me see my capabilities in tangible way.”
– @metafabulous

INTJ: Try This

• Remove one unnecessary demand and give them uninterrupted time to regain their bearings.
• Instead of trying to cheer them up, say, “You don’t have to talk now, but I’m here when you want another perspective.”
• When they share a goal, ask a thoughtful question about the strategy and name one specific strength you see in their approach.

Read This Next: The Shadow of the INTJ Personality Type

The ESFP

When ESFPs are anxious or discouraged they tend to become scattered and distractible in their thoughts and actions. They feel like their normal focus is pulled in a thousand different directions. They can also feel more anxious about the future than usual. Simply listening to them without interjecting solutions or criticisms is helpful. Open communication where they are free to express their ideas, thoughts, and feelings is essential. Getting some time outside and in a new location can also be helpful – the new sights and sounds can help them to feel re-inspired and energized.

If an ESFP isn’t discouraged but just needs encouragement towards a goal, then your method should be different. Ask them about their values, “What’s important to you about this goal?” “What are you hoping to get out of this?” Let them explain the reasons why they’re interested in achieving something. Simply giving them the space to talk about this can help them to stay inspired. Ask them if they need help coming up with a plan or setting priorities. Talk about potential obstacles and see if you can find solutions so that those obstacles can be circumvented. Check in on progress, provide encouragement, and above all, show that you believe in their abilities.

“What cheers me up is doing an activity like bowling, or attending a concert with my family or friends. I just want to have fun and get out of my head for a little bit. And then just feeling supported instead of judged is really what encourages me.” – @just_okay, X User

ESFP: Try This

• Invite them to talk while walking, driving, or doing something with their hands; sitting down for a serious discussion may feel heavier.
• Ask, “What part of this matters most to you?” before offering solutions.
• Help them choose the next visible action and decide how you’ll celebrate once it’s done.

The ESTP

ESTPs who are feeling discouraged or overly-stressed tend to need an outlet for their energy or frustration. They feel better if they can release some of their tension by exercising or getting out and moving. If the stress continues to build they become more reclusive than normal, more pessimistic, and less open to new possibilities and experiences. When ESTPs are in these phases it’s important to give them time alone to sort out their thoughts. Afterward, they may seek out company and/or input from you. During these times they want to be listened to without someone interjecting their critiques or solutions. Using humor, without minimizing their frustration, can also be very helpful.  Vague platitudes tend to annoy ESTPs, however, so you should steer clear of those. Also, refrain from asking repeatedly how they are feeling.

If an ESTP isn’t discouraged or stressed but needs motivation or encouragement towards a goal, then your approach should be different. Ask them about their goals, show genuine interest, and ask for an example of what it will be like when that goal is achieved. Recognize achievements with them – give them an idea of some way you could celebrate when a benchmark has been achieved. Show your excitement for what they are doing and also give positive reinforcement by continuing to ask about the project (without nagging) over time.

“The thing that’s the most encouraging to me is when someone recognizes my hard work or effort, whether it’s in accomplishing a task or helping someone. When I’m trying to accomplish something, I need space and time to work things out. Don’t push me to do something in someone else’s way because I like to customize how I do things based on the research I’ve done and the experiences I’ve accumulated.” – Daniel Storm, an ESTP

ESTP: Try This

• Suggest a physical outlet such as a walk, workout, drive, game, or hands-on task.
• Let them talk without repeatedly asking how they feel or insisting that they discuss the deeper meaning.
• Turn a distant goal into a short challenge with a clear benchmark and a worthwhile reward attached.

The ISFP

When ISFPs are disheartened or disappointed they tend to seek out space and time alone to sort through their thoughts and feelings. Being peppered with questions or repeatedly asked how they feel about things can make them tense unless they’ve had time to process their thoughts on their own first. They will seem more quiet, rigid, and reclusive. If you’re speaking with them when they’re discouraged try to be friendly without being too expressive or overbearing. Let them know you’re there for them and that you’d be happy to listen for as long as they need to without giving any judgment. Show empathy for their feelings and consideration for the fact that they are unique. Don’t compare their troubles to someone else’s, don’t offer a bunch of solutions, just affirm their feelings if you can.

If an ISFP needs encouragement towards a goal or idea, then your process should be different. Show excitement and enthusiasm for their plan, and ask if they need help organizing it. Many ISFPs are good at the creative part of a process, but they can get stuck on organization and nailing down an effective timeline for completing a project. Offering to help with this can be an encouragement to them. Show that you have faith in their abilities and give them confidence by reminding them of times they’ve accomplished similar objectives in the past.

ISFP: Try This

• Let them know you’re available, then stop asking questions long enough for them to decide whether they want to talk.
• Validate their experience without comparing it to yours or someone else’s.
• If a project has stalled, offer to help create a loose timeline while preserving their freedom to do it in their own way.

Read This Next: 10 Things You’ll Relate to if You’re an ISFP

The ISTP

When ISTPs are demoralized or frustrated they tend to become more true-to-type. They isolate themselves and focus on accumulating data or solutions. Sometimes they take out their frustration through recreation, gaming, or exercise. When they’re stressed or down it’s important not to inundate them with questions or “feel-good” platitudes. Give them space, be calm, and be very direct about anything that might need to be done (without being pushy). If there are any physical details that you can take care of for them this also helps – whether that means washing the dishes, turning down your music, or making some progress on a task that you both are handling. If you’re a significant other, giving them a massage or some form of physical affection is also appreciated.

If an ISTP needs encouragement in a task they’ve undertaken then your process should be different. Show curiosity about their idea, and express your support and faith in what they are doing. Show interest in the plan, the course, and the goal. Let them know you’re there for behind-the-scenes help if they need it and show your enthusiasm for the finished product.

ISTP: Try This

• Give them space and lower the number of demands, questions, and interruptions around them.
• Handle one concrete annoyance, such as the dishes, a noisy room, or part of a shared task.
• Show interest in what they’re building by asking how it works rather than telling them how you think they should do it.

Read This Next: Here’s What It’s Like Inside the Mind of an ISFP, ISTP, ESFP or ESTP Personality Type

The ESFJ

When ESFJs are discouraged they want to know that they are supported and they’re not alone. They tend to become more controlling and anxious when they’re stressed. They feel that if they can create some sense of order and harmony in their outer world that everything will sort itself out. But often what they really need is some encouragement to express what’s inside themselves. A friend who can sit with them and really listen to their heart will be a huge encouragement to them. They also want to feel like the people around them are competent. Taking care of a responsibility or letting them see that some progress is being made on a task will help them to feel less overwhelmed. Being able to laugh with them (not at them) is also a great way to help.

If an ESFJ needs encouragement in a goal, then being there for them and showing support is essential. They tend to be good at planning and organizing, but they may not feel motivated if there is a lack of enthusiasm or support from others. Regularly checking in and showing affirmation for their progress helps them to feel even more motivated to keep going. They also enjoy creating checklists and marking off progress, so working on some exciting visual progress charts can be exciting and motivating for them.

ESFJ: Try This

• Sit with them and ask, “What have you been holding in because everyone else needed something?”
• Complete one practical responsibility without waiting for them to supervise you through it.
• Create a visible progress tracker for their goal and recognize each meaningful milestone along the way.

The ESTJ

When ESTJs are stressed or disillusioned, they usually start looking for something they can put in order. If life feels chaotic, progress has stalled, or an important situation is slipping beyond their control, they may become more rigid and directive. Suddenly there is a correct way to load the dishwasher, answer an email, and stand near the refrigerator. This isn’t always about wanting power. Often, they’re trying to restore some sense of traction when everything feels frustratingly unmanageable.

If you want to help, stay calm and speak plainly. Condescension, passive-aggressive comments, or vague criticism will only add another problem for them to solve. Show them where real progress has already been made, or ask what concrete task would lighten the load. Better yet, notice what needs doing and handle it: clear the clutter, organize the scattered paperwork, bring them something to eat, or finish the errand that has been sitting unfinished. In my experience, practical help often communicates care to an ESTJ more convincingly than a long speech. Humor can loosen the pressure too, provided the joke is shared with them rather than aimed at them.

When an ESTJ needs encouragement toward a goal, they don’t usually need someone to manufacture motivation for them. They generally bring plenty of drive of their own. What matters is knowing that their effort has been noticed and that the people around them understand what they’re trying to accomplish. Ask about the plan, acknowledge the work they’ve already put in, and show honest enthusiasm when they reach a milestone. ESTJs can tolerate hard work; what drains them is feeling that their contributions are expected, overlooked, or taken for granted. Specific recognition reminds them that all that effort is actually leading somewhere.

ESTJ: Try This

• Ask, “What is the most useful thing I could take off your plate today?”
• Point out concrete progress they may be overlooking rather than telling them vaguely to relax.
• When they reach a milestone, name the effort or skill behind it so the recognition doesn’t feel automatic or generic.

The ISFJ

When ISFJs are stressed or discouraged, they often retreat into themselves and become more anxious about what lies ahead. Their minds may start filling in the unknown with worst-case scenarios, especially when life feels unpredictable or beyond their control. Familiar comforts can help bring them back to solid ground: a favorite movie, a well-loved book, a familiar meal, or the song they’ve listened to hundreds of times. These aren’t necessarily attempts to avoid the problem. Familiarity reminds them that some parts of life are still dependable.

If you’re trying to encourage an ISFJ during one of these periods, give them breathing room without disappearing entirely. Let them know you’re available, then allow them to come forward at their own pace. When they do talk, listen without correcting every fear or rushing to explain why everything will probably be fine. They may need to say the alarming thoughts out loud before they can examine them more realistically. Empathy comes first; perspective can follow. It can also help to remind them of times they’ve faced something similar and found their way through, because evidence from their own life will usually feel more convincing than generic reassurance. Above all, be dependable. ISFJs tend to notice who remains steady when they aren’t at their best.

When an ISFJ needs encouragement with a goal or project, make it clear that you believe in their ability to follow through. In my experience, many ISFJs underestimate their own strengths because the things they do well feel ordinary to them. They may see patience, consistency, careful preparation, and consideration for others as things anyone would do, even when plenty of people would not.

This is why specific praise matters. “You’re amazing” may earn a modest smile and be dismissed five minutes later. “You remembered every detail, kept everyone informed, and finished this even while you were exhausted” is much harder to wave away. Point to what they actually did, what strength it required, and how it affected the outcome. ISFJs may not be comfortable advertising their abilities, so the people who know them well sometimes need to hold up the evidence.

ISFJ: Try This

• Offer a familiar comfort, then give them the choice between company and time alone.
• After listening, remind them of a comparable experience they handled well and explain what strength helped them through it.
• Replace “You’re so great” with a compliment tied to something observable: what they did, how they did it, and why it mattered.

Read This Next: The Shadow of the ISFJ Personality Type

The ISTJ

When ISTJs are stressed, discouraged, or running on fumes, they often pull back and spend more time alone. They may feel that no one notices how much they’re carrying, or that their concerns will be dismissed before they’ve even had a chance to explain them. Once that frustration builds, their minds can start racing toward everything that might go wrong. A manageable problem becomes a chain of possible disasters, each one more convincing than the last.

This usually isn’t the best time to press them for a full emotional report. Give them room to think, respect their privacy, and resist treating their change in mood as something they need to justify. If you’re with them, be calm, patient, and practical. You can remind them of similar problems they’ve handled before, but do it without sounding as though you’re brushing off the current one. It may help even more to take one small responsibility off their plate, acknowledge the work they’ve been doing, or tell them specifically what you appreciate about them. In my experience working with ISTJs, sincere recognition often lands better than an excitable pep talk. They may not reveal much unless they trust you deeply, but that doesn’t mean your support goes unnoticed.

Encouraging an ISTJ who is working toward a goal calls for a slightly different approach. Most ISTJs don’t need someone hovering nearby with motivational slogans. They tend to work in a methodical steady way, building progress one sensible step at a time, and they’re usually capable of keeping themselves on track. What they do appreciate is genuine interest. Ask how the plan is going, listen closely to the details, and recognize the milestones they’ve reached. They may not make a spectacle of their progress, but it still matters to know that someone sees the discipline behind it. As William James wrote, “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” For an ISTJ, that appreciation is most meaningful when it is specific, earned, and sincere.

ISTJ: Try This

• Give them time to think without demanding an immediate emotional explanation.
• Take care of one neglected detail or responsibility, then tell them plainly that you wanted to make the day easier.
• Ask for an update on their project and recognize one specific sign of progress, even if the final result is still a long way off.

Read This Next: 10 Things That Excite the ISTJ Personality Type

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do you agree with this article or disagree? Let us know in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!