Each enneagram type has something completely unique to bring to a friendship. Here’s a look at the strengths and weaknesses of each type as a friend. Let’s get started!
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The Enneagram Types as Friends
The Enneagram One Friend
Responsible and honest, One’s will be there to give you advice and offer practical help during any hardship. Never ones to show up late, these types are strict with themselves and believe in following through on their word. You can count on them to mean what they say and do what they say they will do. They enjoy guiding their friends through the rough storms of life and being there in a hands-on way to show support. Their ethics, high standards, and reliable nature make them stand out. In a difficult situation, these types will be at your side looking for ways to help. You can count on them to be honest, dependable, and straightforward.
How to Show Your Type 1 Friend You Care:
- Appreciate their ethics, steadiness, and high standards
- Be trustworthy
- Admit mistakes.
- Be on time
- Remind them that you’re still there for them, even when they get angry.
- Help them lighten up, laugh, and enjoy the simple pleasures in life
- Show understanding when they make mistakes (they are notoriously hard on themselves)
The Healthy One Friend Is:
The Unhealthy One Friend Is:
The Enneagram Two Friend
Warm and affirming, the Two will empathize with your struggles and generously help during hard times. You’ll never be in doubt about how the Two feels about you. They compliment freely and hold eye contact and listen attentively when you speak. They are enthusiastically devoted and enjoy giving and receiving approval, respect, and recognition. These types often have an uncanny empathy and are attuned to your needs and feelings. They will strive to go above and beyond to help during hard times, but it’s important that you not take their hard work for granted. They can help others all day long, but they struggle to ask for help for any of their own needs. At the end of the day, they can exhaust themselves from giving too much and wind up feeling lonely and taken for granted. It’s crucial to acknowledge their generosity and reach out to them supportively, even if they don’t ask for help.
How to Show Your Type 2 Friend You Care:
- Thank them for their help and their support
- Give specific compliments
- Talk with them about your favorite subjects and ideas
- Be gentle and tactful when giving criticism
- Take an interest in their life and their problems. Don’t let them continually transfer the focus to you in the conversation.
- Ask them to tell you honestly how they feel
- Encourage them to accept help
- Let them know that it’s okay for them to express their anger and that you’ll still be there for them afterward
The Healthy Two Friend Is:
The Unhealthy Two Friend Is:
- Makes you feel like you can’t live without them
The Enneagram Three Friend
Inspiring and visionary, the Three friend helps you to realize all the goals you could achieve. They have a buzz of energy and charisma around them and enjoy sparking people’s sense of ambition and motivating them towards their potential. They bring a lot of energy and optimism to their friendships, helping people to see the light during even the darkest times. It’s easy for them to influence, persuade, and motivate, and this makes them popular in many settings. That said, it can be difficult for them to talk deeply about their feelings. They fear getting too close to people and may change the subject if they feel that they’re being interrogated or becoming too vulnerable.
How to Show Your Type 3 Friend You Care:
- Acknowledge their achievements and successes
- Give them honest feedback, but be sensitive to their feelings
- Work together towards common goals
- Encourage them to slow down and relax
- Take an interest in their feelings, without being too pushy about it
- Help them when they need it. Don’t make them ask because they rarely will.
The Healthy Enneagram 3 Friend Is:
The Unhealthy Enneagram 3 Friend Is:
- Overly competitive
The Enneagram Four Friend
Introspective and thoughtful, the Four brings gentleness and empathy to their friendships. They are the friend you can bring your deepest, darkest secrets to without fear of judgment. They don’t shy away from the deeper struggles of others, and quietly and attentively listen to their friends’ perspectives and concerns. These deep souls aren’t all about seriousness, however. They often surprise others with their wit and original humor. Their individualistic, deep, and rebellious nature makes them stand out. It’s important to know that Fours often hold some of their feelings back from friendships. They worry that they will scare people off by being too intense. Creating a safe place for your Four friend to share their feelings freely and without judgment is one of the best things you can do for them.
How to Show Your Type 4 Friend You Care:
- Appreciate their ideas and depth of feeling
- Don’t pressure them to socialize too much
- Acknowledge their feelings
- Give criticism as gently as possible
- Don’t try to distract them from their dark feelings unless they want you to. But make sure to get some space if you need it.
- Help them feel safe to express their feelings
- Understand their need for autonomy
- Encourage them to use their creativity and show their work to the world
The Healthy Enneagram 4 Friend Is:
The Unhealthy Enneagram 4 Friend Is:
- Emotionally Needy
Read This Next: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram Four Type
The Enneagram Five Friend
Curious and trustworthy, the Five gives you a sense of autonomy while opening your mind to new ideas and possibilities. These are the friends who will sit quietly by your side and peacefully show their support and acceptance without overwhelming you or getting wrapped up in drama. They are also usually responsible, not making commitments or promises unless they fully intend to carry them out. That said, don’t expect them to make a lot of social commitments. These types crave a great deal of space and autonomy.
How to Show Your Type 5 Friend You Care:
- Let them discuss their favorite topics in-depth
- Appreciate their objectivity and intellect
- Let them know you value their wisdom and insight
- Respect their need for privacy
- Never put them on the spot or embarrass them
- Don’t pressure them to socialize too frequently
- Try to be objective and sensible when working out problems together
- Don’t overwhelm them with small talk
The Healthy Enneagram 5 Friend Is:
The Unhealthy Enneagram 5 Friend Is:
- Overly critical
The Enneagram Six Friend
Loyal, witty, and dependable, the Six will be there for you when other people fall away. Far from a fair-weather friend, the Six will show up when it matters and help you troubleshoot complicated scenarios. While they can be overly-anxious and hyper-vigilant, they can also snap out of it during a crisis and courageously deal with terrifying situations. To the Six, it’s important that real trust is the foundation of a friendship. Initially during a friendship, they may be protective of themselves and worried about being vulnerable. They may seem friendly and open on the outside, but inwardly keep you at arm’s length until they know they can trust you. Once trust is established there’s almost nothing that can break it. The Six will be there through thick and thin for the people they care about.
How to Show Your Type 6 Friend You Care:
- Appreciate their loyalty, compassion, and preparedness
- Reassure them that they matter to you and that you enjoy being their friend
- Be open and honest. They feel safest when all the cards are on the table.
- Be clear about your expectations and needs
- Don’t flatter or be overly nice. This might make them suspicious.
- Listen to them talk about their fears, but be honest if it’s bothering you
- Help them to see the best that could happen instead of only the worst
- Persuade them to trust their own instincts and decisions
The Healthy Enneagram 6 Friend Is:
The Unhealthy Enneagram 6 Friend Is:
The Enneagram Seven Friend
Optimistic and energetic, the Seven will show you exciting new opportunities at every turn. These friends are fun-loving and charming, and they’re usually up for any new adventure or experience. Their lighthearted demeanor and sense of humor helps people to stay hopeful during hard times. While they may seem confident at first glance, Sevens can actually feel shy, vulnerable, and fragile on many occasions. However, they tend to hide their vulnerability behind a demeanor of liveliness, excitement, and gregariousness. During stressful times, friends need to prove to Sevens that they aren’t just there for the good times.
How to Show Your Type 7 Friend You Care:
- Realize that they tend to make more plans than they carry out
- Realize that they show their love by showing friends a good time or re-framing negative situations into something positive
- Plan adventures with them
- Appreciate their optimism, spontaneity, and enthusiasm
- Listen to their stories attentively
- Don’t try to control them
- Be gentle and brief with criticism
- Gently remind them to deal with problems as they arise so that they don’t get worse or keep coming back to haunt them
- Be there during hard times. Don’t just love them for their fun, good-natured side.
The Healthy Enneagram 7 Is:
The Unhealthy Enneagram 7 Is:
The Enneagram Eight Friend
Loyal, strong, and protective, Eights are the friends who will respect you enough to be straight with you. These friends won’t flatter you, sugarcoat their words, or be pretentious. They are tough and intense, willing to go down swinging to protect their loved ones. If you’re lucky enough to have an Eight for a friend, realize that they must value your trust a great deal. They don’t get close to people easily, but once trust has been established they will do whatever they can to empower and protect you. That said, these types need a great deal of independence and may seem distant if they are too overwhelmed by expectations from others. Also realize that they say whatever is on their mind and may seem tactless to some types. Just remember that this is in their nature, and it doesn’t mean they don’t like you or don’t respect you.
How to Show Your Type 8 Friend You Care:
- Appreciate their strengths and strong sense of justice
- Always be honest
- Say what you think or feel directly. Avoid passive-aggressive behaviors.
- Stand up for yourself (even to them)
- Honor their need for autonomy
- Don’t assume their tactlessness is a personal attack
- Show them that you’re a safe person to be vulnerable with
- Never share something they’ve told you in confidence
The Healthy Enneagram 8 Is:
The Unhealthy Enneagram 8 Is:
The Enneagram Nine Friend
Accepting and empathetic, the Nine is gifted at creating a space where their friends can be themselves without judgment. Their kind, non-judgmental nature helps put others into a comfortable, relaxed mood. Their natural ability to see many different perspectives makes it easy for them to relate and accommodate people from many different walks of life. As open-minded types, they often hear their friend’s life stories because their friends know they won’t judge them or share their secrets. It’s important for friends to help them speak up for themselves though. Many Nines struggle with stating their desires and needs and may go along with other people’s whims instead of asserting themselves.
How to Show Your Type 9 Friend You Care:
- Be a good listener and encourage them to share their true feelings
- Encourage them to share their grievances
- Be sensitive when giving criticism
- Appreciate what they do
- Be patient when they need extra time to decide
- Don’t be bossy with them. They will rebel under pressure.
- Help them find out what their interests and goals are and encourage them to pursue those.
- Keep the environment as peaceful as possible.
The Healthy Enneagram 9 Is:
The Unhealthy Enneagram 9 Is:
- Overly accommodating
- “Checked out”
- Lost in a fantasy
What Are Your Thoughts?
Did you enjoy this article? Do you have any thoughts or experiences in a friendship that you’d like to share? Let us know in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
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