Being ghosted feels like the worst thing in the world to most people. When we’re excited about a relationship and then someone leaves without a word, we can’t help but try to analyze what happened, if it was our fault, or dozens of other possibilities. Enneagram type can play a big role in how each person handles being ghosted. Today we’re going to look at some likely ways each type will respond!
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How Each Enneagram Type Handles Being Ghosted
Table of contents
Estimated reading time: 8 minutes
Enneagram Type 1
You’re someone who likes to be in control and to have relationships that make sense. Someone who can’t even explain why they don’t want to speak anymore isn’t worthy of your attention, so you’ll likely try to block them from your mind and see it as frustrating, but not worth your energy to get riled up over. In the meantime, you’ll block them on every social media or dating platform. That way, if they want to come crawling back to you, they won’t be able to waste your time by doing so.
Side note: Even though you might try to act like you don’t care, the ambiguity of being ghosted is likely to play on your mind and annoy you for quite a while. You like to know the whys and hows of things, and ghosting leaves everything unsaid. Don’t be afraid to vent your frustrations to a friend you can trust (or your journal!) Unprocessed emotional frustration can come back later and affect other areas of your life in negative ways.
Read This Next: The Enneagram 1 – The Perfectionist
Enneagram Type 2
You’ll look back on every conversation you had with the person who ghosted you, and question your every action. Did you say something wrong? Maybe you misread things; maybe the reason they stopped talking to you was because of something you did, not them. You’ll probably check their social media accounts and look for any clues as to why they disappeared so suddenly. It will be difficult for you not to take this to heart, and it will be even more difficult not to reach out and ask, “Why? What happened?”
Side note: Don’t beat yourself up about this too hard. I know it’s difficult and you’re likely to feel a major hit to your self-esteem, but if they could go from acting infatuated with you to never speaking again so quickly, they saved you a lot of pain by ghosting now instead of later.
Read This Next: The Enneagram 2 – The Helper
Enneagram Type 3
You won’t have time to be well and truly sad about being ghosted because you’ll be too busy thinking of ways to make them regret their decision. It will be difficult for you to accept someone disappearing on you without any explanation, but you’ll find a way to use this ghosting as fuel to make yourself even more successful. You figure the more you can make yourself outstanding, the more they’ll look back and see you as “the one that got away.”
Side note: Take some time to process this experience, even if it feels uncomfortable or vulnerable. It’s okay to mourn the loss of something or someone you were hoping to have a relationship with. That doesn’t make you “weak.” Your core fear of being worthless might be triggered during this time. Remember that you’re not worthless, and the only reason this person has disappeared is because they’re not strong enough to face their own fears or insecurities about being up-front.
Enneagram Type 4
You’ll feel a sense of betrayal and confusion. As someone who deeply fears abandonment and is more resistant to putting yourself out there, you likely already felt a great deal of trust before risking the vulnerability of dating. They just disappeared, and for whatever reason, they didn’t think it was important enough to explain why or what happened.
Side note: Please take some time to process your emotions after being ghosted; you’ll need it. Your type feels things deeply and can feel overwhelmed by sadness when hit with something like this. You’re not afraid of solitude, so taking the big step of opening up to someone and then being ghosted is likely to have significant impact. Talk to someone you can trust, write out your feelings in a journal until you’ve exhausted them, and practice some routines that are uplifting, even if you don’t feel it. A walk in nature, some exercise, or some creative expression can be just the thing to take the edge off the pain.
Read This Next: The Enneagram 4- The Individualist
Enneagram Type 5
Part of you might be relieved that the person has disappeared, but another part of you will feel letdown and curious. You’ll wonder what they were thinking when they decided to ghost you and you’ll debate whether you should bother putting yourself out there again for another person. You remind yourself of all the reasons you hate modern dating and take a break for a while.
Side note: Enneagram fives are very introverted, so being ghosted can feel like a pretty big rejection after the effort you’ve exerted to get to know someone. Remember that this rejection shouldn’t make you give up entirely. Take some quiet time for yourself, and then think of this experience as a learning opportunity and try again! Don’t shut yourself off from the world outside.
Read This Next: The Enneagram Type 5 – The Investigator
Enneagram Type 6
You go into research mode. You’ll reach out and ask them what happened, but if they don’t give you a good reason or any explanation for their behavior, you’ll turn to their online social media profiles. Are there any clues there as to why they disappeared? Are they dead? Your mind might start generating dozens of terrible possibilities.
Side note: Enneagram sixes definitely take rejection hard, and you’ll feel a sense of betrayal if they ghosted you. Take some time to process your feelings, but don’t waste too much energy speculating about what happened. Instead, put that energy into finding a fulfilling hobby or activity that will help you feel more confident and less fearful. Usually people ghost because they’re too afraid to face any potential conflict face-to-face. Be thankful you didn’t waste your time on someone that cowardly!
Read This Next: The Enneagram 6 – The Loyalist
Enneagram Type 7
You feel a sense of mystification. What happened? Why did they disappear? Did you do something wrong? There are endless possibilities running through your mind, and even though you try to reason with yourself about the situation, it’s not enough to convince you that this experience isn’t somehow your fault. That said, you don’t like to dwell on negative feelings for long. After some moments of puzzlement, you’ll try to see the upside in this situation and will find a way to bounce back from it by diving into the next adventure.
Side note: Enneagram sevens are generally pretty optimistic, so you’ll probably chalk this up as a lucky misstep – avoiding someone who’s too shady to be upfront. But don’t be afraid to talk through your conflicting emotions with a close friend, and then focus on yourself for a while. Unprocessed emotions can bubble up at later times in a negative way and you don’t want to risk that happening!
Read This Next: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram Seven Type
Enneagram Type 8
You’re annoyed that this person wasted your time. They implied they wanted something romantic with you, and suddenly disappeared. You can’t shake the feeling that there’s something not quite right here… Part of you wants to confront them, and another part of you doesn’t want to waste your time on someone so spineless. You are fairly self-confident, so you’ll eventually push all of this to the side and start looking for someone new.
Side note: Don’t let this situation make you distrustful of other people before you’ve given them a fair chance. You may feel like eyeing future dates with skepticism, but do your best to remain open-minded and optimistic. You like to think of yourself as competitive, so you’ll probably want to spend some time working on a project or pursuing some other goal that will help you feel productive and build your self-confidence.
Read This Next: The Enneagram 8 – The Challenger
Enneagram Type 9
Part of you may be relieved – perhaps you’d been considering ghosting them, but now you don’t have to! But if you were excited about the relationship, you’ll feel a bit disappointed that they didn’t have the courage to just be honest with you. Enneagram nines tend to be sensitive to the feelings of others, so this rejection may hurt a little bit. But you’ll probably try to assume the best – maybe they weren’t bad, but they were just trying to spare your feelings. It’s also likely you’ll try to see this as an opportunity to work on your self-confidence, and maybe even improve some of your relationship habits.
Side note: If you feel uncomfortable feelings of disappointment or anger bubbling up because of this experience, try to honor them. Write them down or talk to someone you can trust. While it’s okay to look on the bright side, it’s also important to honor your emotions. Afterwards, take some time for yourself and do something that makes you happy.
Read This Next: How Enneagram Nines Handle Anger
What Are Your Thoughts?
Did you enjoy this article? Do you have any stories or experiences you’d like to share? Let us (and other readers) know in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!